


A World Without Harry Potter

by Mad_Mandy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Harry, Bottom Severus Snape, Drama & Romance, Dumbledore Bashing, Gay Sex, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Manipulative Harry, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Professor Harry Potter, Romance, Top Harry, Top Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-13 03:26:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13561758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Mandy/pseuds/Mad_Mandy
Summary: Harry has been missing for two years and he won't be picking up the broken pieces of his old life. He has returned to Hogwarts with a seemingly insane goal in mind - wooing Severus Snape. He'll have to get creative if he wants to succeed but he's come up with a rather ingenious plan to start over anew. What could possibly go wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've posted to AO3. I'm not used to this site yet so please be patient with me. If you have the time, please leave a comment and let me know what you think! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the story.

Harry stepped into the familiar office of the Headmaster of Hogwarts and took a seat in one of the wing-backed chairs arranged in front of the only desk in the room. The office had hardly changed in the years since he had been a student at Hogwarts. So much of the school was exactly the same as it had been when he had left and it felt wrong to Harry. Even the elderly man sitting behind the desk remained the same. 

Maybe only Harry had changed.

“Lemon drop, my boy?” Albus offered hopefully. 

A wry smile turned Harry’s lips, “No, thank you, Albus.”

“Ah well,” Albus replied and popped one of the cheerful yellow candies in his mouth with a quiet hum of pleasure, as if to say Harry was missing out. Harry just watched the old man with silent amusement, tinged with a pang of sadness. He could not rewind the clock far enough back to rewrite his history and he could not live in the past. 

Innocence once lost may never be regained... isn’t that how the saying goes? Not to say that Harry had ever truly been innocent. He had merely been young once and very, very foolish.

“I cannot rightly say what pleasure it gives me to see you here again after everything that happened,” Albus ventured quietly and seriously. “I think I speak for everyone when I say... I wasn’t sure if you _would_ ever return to us. Sometimes, when faced with unspeakable pain, it can seem that the only option left is to leave your terrible memories behind and start anew elsewhere. Isn’t that right?”

It wasn’t as if Harry hadn’t thought about it - leaving and never, ever coming back. It was incredibly tempting at times, to just pretend that the war had never happened. However, even the day he had fled Wizarding Britain he had known with absolutely certainty that he would eventually return.

It had been two years since the end of the war and Harry believed he was as stable now as he would probably ever be. It was not in his nature to hide away forever. He _was_ a Gryffindor after all - though on the night of his Sorting it had, admittedly, been a very close call.

Given what Harry stood to potentially gain from returning, maybe even a Slytherin wouldn’t have been able to resist taking the chance. What Harry had left behind was infinitely more precious than his pain was intense.

But Harry would not be sharing any of that with Albus. He would not be answering any of the unasked questions that lingered behind Albus’s probing words. He had no intention of gutting himself before Albus or _any_ of his old friends.

Not that Albus was ever a true friend to him. Harry would never forget that the man had been willing to sacrifice Harry’s life for the greater good. That particular scar would, unfortunately, always remain a divide between them.

Harry liked Albus and he knew that the man had been in an impossible position. Harry could understand it because he knew a thing or two about difficult choices. He was mature enough now that could even _accept_ the decision Albus had made concerning his life. However, Harry had a hard time trusting other people and he had made the mistake of trusting Albus. In the end, the old man had betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. Harry could not simply forget that, even if he wanted to.

To be perfectly clear, Harry didn’t _want_ to forget _anything_.

Harry got a bit of petty enjoyment out of making Albus wait while he pretended to think over his answer, then he said, “I have my reasons for returning but they are personal. So is what I did while I was gone. I have come to see you because I need to ask a favor of you, Albus.”

It was a favor Albus would grant him readily. The headmaster’s sense of guilt would ensure the man remained at a disadvantage to Harry for the rest of his life. The old man would do anything for him in order to assuage his own guilty conscious.

“Of course, Harry, what can I do?” Albus replied, exactly as Harry had expected. 

“It is my understanding that you find yourself in need of a teacher for the DADA position again. An unfortunate incident with a misspoken counter-curse?” 

Albus winced, “Yes, it was most unfortunate indeed… Am I being overly hopeful in presuming that you are interested in the position?”

Those pale blue eyes were fixed on Harry now with an unmistakable eagerness and a hint of careful calculation. It irritated Harry but he’d expected it. He replied mildly, “Yes. I am. As you know, I have no real experience in formal teaching. However, I _do_ have an extensive and master-level understanding of the dark arts _and_ the defense against the dark arts. Also, in the instances in the past where I have had to teach others, I am told that I have shown natural aptitude.”

“Yes, of course, and your fame being what it is no one would question that you are a highly credible authority on the subject,” Albus replied agreeably.

“Actually,” Harry said, “as a nonnegotiable condition of my employment, I would be teaching under a false name and image. Apart from you absolutely no one - in this school _or_ outside it - would know my true identity. As far as everyone outside of this room is concerned, Harry Potter is still missing. I would have an unbreakable vow from you and no less.”

Albus appeared flabbergasted and he questioned anxiously, “But Harry, for what possible purpose? Surely you will not conceal your presence from your friends? The Weasley Family and Miss Granger especially! You must know they have been beside themselves with worry for you.”

“As I have said, it is not negotiable. Will you give me your vow or not?”

Albus hesitated for a long moment. His old face was creased with obvious dismay and disappointment and it was clear that he thought that Harry might be swayed by such things. Harry held his gaze dispassionately, entirely unmoved. He was not willing to budge an inch on this condition. Yes, it was terrible and selfish but it made it _slightly_ more bearable for Harry to be back and it was also critical to his plans.

Albus finally stopped trying to guilt Harry into changing his mind and gave a long and dramatically weary sigh, “Very well, my boy. I’m sure you must have a _very_ good reason for insisting upon such an _awful_ thing…”

Those deceptively paternal blue eyes abruptly tried to pierce Harry’s mind but Harry gave absolutely nothing back. His mental shields were firmly in place and he had no difficulty fending off the sneaky attack. Harry acted as if he hadn’t noticed and he replied, “Thank you, Albus. I have chosen the alias Dominic Wake. I’ll have that promise now, if you would be so kind.”

Harry extended a folded piece of parchment, upon which he had written the vow he wanted, word for word. He could not risk Albus finding a loophole.

Albus gave him a hurt look but said nothing and Harry made no apologies for this show of distrust. Albus was a man who prided himself on his morals and he would have probably kept Harry’s secret without the vow… Unless of course Albus happened to think, as he often did, that he knew better.

Harry would accept none of Albus’s manipulations or well-intended interferences this time around. He didn’t like that he had had to reveal himself to Albus at all, but the man was far too nosey not to have figured things out eventually and he wouldn’t have given Harry any peace at all in the meantime.

Harry disillusioned himself immediately after stepping out of Albus’s office. He rode down the revolving staircase and stepped back into the familiar halls of Hogwarts, which were uncharacteristically still and silent for the time of day. Even when he had wondered the halls at night, there had never been such a sense of... emptiness.

Still under the disillusionment charm, Harry wrapped his invisibility cloak about himself - just for good measure. He knew some of the professors would be quick to notice the tell-tale signs of disillusionment.

Harry moved through the halls like one of the ghosts. He didn’t have any destination in mind as he wandered about but it was not long before he found himself in the dungeons, standing before one particular door. He raised his hand slowly and placed his hand on the wood. It was cold through the sheer fabric of his cloak and he could feel the wards that protected it. He recognized the familiar magic immediately.

Harry imagined the man who was somewhere behind that door - so close, and yet still so far. Harry longed to be able to walk through the door and greet Severus as he would have liked to, but that was a fantasy. Severus would _never_ welcome _him_.

They had been civil when they worked together, those last few years in the war, but the man had still despised Harry. Even after all these years. Even after everything that had happened. The potions master was an unquestionably brilliant man, but he could also be incredibly blind sometimes. The grudges and prejudices Severus held fast to would keep him from ever _truly_ seeing Harry. No matter how hard Harry tried.

Which is why Harry simply could not be Harry anymore.

A ironic smile twisted Harry’s lips. He wondered what Severus would think of him now, if he knew that the most iconic Gryffindor since Godric himself had been reduced to such underhanded and decidedly Slytherin tactics. Harry’s smile faded quickly because he knew _exactly_ what Severus would think. He would believe that Harry was playing an inconceivably cruel joke and attempting to make a fool of him.

For this reason, Harry had resolved that if he was going to go through with his plans then he would have to become Dominic Wake _permanently_. In Harry’s mind that was hardly a sacrifice at all, really. More of a bonus, if anything.

Harry craved only one person more desperately than he craved a new and perfectly average life. So, when the idea of becoming someone else had first occurred to him, the idea had stuck in his head like a burr. Then, when he had realized that being someone else might also provide him a second chance with Severus… Well, he had become obsessed with making it a reality and it had consumed his every waking thought.

It was the most thinking Harry had put into any plan ever, if he was honest.

Harry drew away from the door and wandered back upstairs, thinking that this was, without a doubt, proof he had well and truly lost his mind. Surely everyone would think that he had. Some of his old friends _might_ understand why he would want to pretend to be someone else. Absolutely _no one_ would understand if they knew he coveted _Severus Snape_ above all else.

For Harry though, it all made perfect sense. He knew exactly when and how his opinion of the infamous greasy git had changed. It began after he looked into Severus’s pensive and saw one of Severus’s worst memories - how the marauders had bullied and humiliated Severus and how Severus’s friendship with Lilly had come to an end.

That single memory had altered Harry’s childishly idealistic perceptions about his father and his father’s friends. It also made Harry realize that there was more to Severus than the man let anyone see. It had forced him start looking at Severus as a real person - flawed but infinitely complex. Harry had learned the hard way that there were many sides to every person and that Severus was _not_ an exception. He started paying attention to who Severus was and trying to actually understand the man. At first, it was because he knew he’d been wrong about the man and he wanted to know the truth, but then, it was because he’d found the truth about who Severus was so very interesting.

When Severus had believed he would die, at the Battle of Hogwarts, he had given Harry some of his most precious and secret memories. Severus had probably only done so out of a lack of better options, but it had changed Harry’s world once again.

Severus’s memories had confirmed he was actually a double agent. Also, Severus had revealed Albus’s unforgivable betrayal - that Albus had kept Harry alive only so that Harry could be killed _at the right moment._ Like some sacrificial lamb. After all this time, that particular memory _still_ rankled whenever Harry thought of it.

The memories of Lilly Evans were agonizing too, but in a much different way. Severus had _loved_ Lilly. Not in any romantic sense, as James had thought, but because she had been Severus’s best friend when they were children. Lilly was the person who had been most dear to Severus in this world but he had unknowingly betrayed her when he had relayed The Prophecy to Voldemort. Severus had _never_ forgiven himself. Severus _hated_ himself.

Everything Harry had learned from the memories had been undeniable proof of Severus’s true character. However, by that time, Harry had not _needed_ any additional proof. He had long since stopped hating Severus and long since come to respect, admire, and then, to love the other man.

Harry glimpsed the Quidditch pitch while walking by an open window and he grinned. He changed his course and went directly the rooms he had been assigned. He needed to unpack and set up his personal wards but ignored everything else in favor of placing himself squarely in front of the floor-length mirror in his private bathroom. He stripped off his clothes and turned his wand on himself.

Even with all the practice Harry had done over the last few months, it took him nearly half an hour to complete his transformation because he was _literally_ transfiguring his body. It was the most effective method of disguising himself - more so even than polyjuice potion. Transfiguration was the closest to a permanent change that he could get. For all intents and purposes, it _was_ permanent. The spells would hold without his conscious effort so long as he had magic to maintain them, and well, he had _more_ than his fair share of that. Also, the image he created was entirely unique and so, there was the added benefit that he wouldn’t need to worry about his polyjuice potion doppleganger exposing him.

Most people didn’t ever think to attempt transfiguring their bodies because it could have disastrous or even fatal results if done improperly. It took extensive skill in transfiguration and extensive magic to maintain. Harry just happened to have both.

Shortly, the familiar face of Dominic Wake was staring back at him. He appeared to be about ten to fifteen years older than Harry was. He’d changed enough to pass for his new age, 38, which was only a few years younger than Severus. He had chosen an average-looking male for his second face, one who wouldn’t attract much attention and one who could be easily overlooked. He hadn’t made himself ugly - he _was_ looking to win over a certain Slytherin man after all - but he was decidedly plain with features that were classically unremarkable in every way.

His new eyes were dark brown, his skin was a moderately tan, and his muscles were lithe and strong but deceptively undefined. His hair was stick-straight and light brown in color - nearly the same washed out shade as his skin.

He was the same height as before, but only because it was hard to adjust to drastic shifts in height and even the subtle shifts he had experimented with previously had thrown off his balance drastically. His natural height was perfectly acceptable anyways. Late in his teens he had grown to just a few inches taller than what was average.

He’d paid careful attention to every last detail. One of his teeth was slightly chipped, his nose had a slight bump in the ridge that suggested a break in the past, his left index finger was mildly crooked, and most importantly - his famous scar (which was really just a scar now) was _gone._ He added in a few interesting little scars across his body, each with its own story. It was important to add in the little imperfections, because they were what made the disguise believable. Also, what kind of Defense Against the Dark Arts Master did not have battle scars? Lockheart did not bear mentioning, of course.

Overall though, Dominic appeared unassuming and decidedly unimpressive. Except, perhaps, for what was _below_ the belt line, Harry thought with a smug male smirk. Then he snorted abruptly and rolled his eyes with good humor - he’d been unable to stand his own ridiculous expression. The simple fact was his genitals were the one part of his body he couldn’t bring himself to even attempt changing. It made him shudder just to consider it. If something went wrong down there… Harry would _wish_ he’d died instead.

He dressed slowly, taking the time to transfigure his clothes to fit properly. The clothes he wore were dully colored and professional - which matched his new appearance well. Harry paused briefly to consider if maybe he should add glasses to the mix. He had stopped wearing his own long ago, after Severus had brewed him a vision corrective potion. Finally he shook his head and decided to stick with the image he had previously decided on. He could always add reading glasses later, if he reconsidered.

Harry could hardly believe he’d finally taken on his new identity. He’d spent so much time thinking about it and making preparations but now he’d finally _done_ it.

He wanted to celebrate in some small way so he grabbed his Firebolt and headed out to the Quidditch pitch to fly around for a bit. He tore across the empty pitch like a man possessed. He pushed his broom to its legal limits and then used his own magic to propel it even faster, until he reached an incredible and potentially lethal speed.

He was so ecstatic to be in the air that he couldn’t stop himself from grinning when he spotted none other than Severus Snape standing at the edge of the field, scowling up at him. Harry had thought he couldn’t have been any happier that day but he’d been wrong. He dropped down from the sky and landed before the potions master. He schooled his features into a more appropriate expression - a polite and friendly smile.

Severus did not give him the chance to speak first. His wand snapped out and he bit out furiously, “ _Finite Incantatem! Specialis Revelio!-”_

The power behind the spells struck Harry hard and he stumbled back a couple steps. He was so surprised and he trusted Severus so much that he hadn’t instinctively moved out of the way or protected himself in any way. After he realized what was happening, he forced himself to remain still under the barrage but it cost him dearly to stand there and do nothing. His mind went back to the war immediately and his heart was racing painfully fast in his chest. He had to struggle with himself to fight down his rapidly rising panic. He told himself again and again that these particular kinds of spells wouldn’t hurt him. He used his skills in occlumency to compartmentalize the feelings that he was unable to control.

Nothing Severus did would alter Harry’s guise. Nothing except Harry’s _own_ magic could do that. However, Harry was very worried that Severus was suspicious of him already. Surely the man did not see a wizard with _some_ skill in flying and automatically assume the stranger _had_ to be Harry Potter in disguise? Granted, Severus _happened_ to be right, but the thought process leading to such a leap of logic was not rational at all. There had to be some other explanation that Harry hadn’t thought of.

“- _Reveliocorpus! Aparecium Maxima! Finite Homenum Conjurus!”_

Severus eventually ran out of ideas for counter-spells and Harry’s guise remained entirely unchanged. Severus seemed perplexed and also abashed. Most people would not have noticed the subtle shifts in his stoicism though. Harry only recognized what Severus was feeling because Severus was so familiar to him.

“My... apologies, sir,” Severus offered slowly and _very_ reluctantly. “I have only ever known one person who flies as you do. It was wrong and entirely irrational for me to assume that you were him based on so little. I allowed my emotional response to impair my better judgement.”

He spoke tonelessly and without infliction. He seemed to be very aware that there really wasn’t any acceptable reason for his behavior. Harry raised a brow and said generously, “Well, no harm done, I suppose. I imagine you must hate this person quite a great deal. I would venture to say that most of us have occasionally been driven to act irrationality by particular individuals. Was it a romantic affair turned bad perhaps?”

Harry just couldn’t resist teasing the man but he regretted it almost immediately. Severus’s face contorted with unmistakable disgust and he replied, “Most assuredly not.”

Harry shrugged with a casualness he did not feel. He tried his best to ignore the stinging pain in his chest as he focused instead on a proper introduction.

“Well, my name is Dominic Wake. I am to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.”

He extended his hand and Severus took it, “Severus Snape. Potions. I was not aware Albus had hired a new DADA professor yet.”

“Just today, actually.”

Severus released his hand and said, “I hope you do not make a habit of such reckless flying. You are to be an example for your students, after all. You might inspire them to break their necks.” 

Harry chuckled and rubbed his own neck sheepishly, “Admittedly, I wasn’t exercising good judgment, I suppose. It has been some time since I’ve flown and I tend to get carried away on a broom.”

Harry grinned a little at the double entendre and winked at Severus. Severus just stared at him, his black eyes as cold and unreadable as ever, but Harry could see that he’d surprised the man. He knew Severus wasn’t used to people talking to him like that. Harry continued, “I will be _much_ more discrete come the start of the school year, I assure you. It wouldn’t do to give the students ideas.”

“No, it would not,” Severus finally replied. His tone was a little strange.

Harry swung his broom up onto his shoulder, questioning, “Do we take dinner in our rooms or with the rest of the staff? I am _famished_.”

Severus cleared his throat quietly before answering, “Most of the staff eats together in the Great Hall, but some - myself included - choose to eat in their rooms instead.”

“I see,” Harry murmured, as if this was new information and he needed to think it over. “Well, I suppose I can’t afford to be unsociable _quite_ so soon. Would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of the Great Hall?”

Severus paused then offered, “I will escort you, if you wish.”

Harry grinned widely, “Fantastic! Thank you. This place is like a bloody maze. I can’t even tell you how long it took me to find my rooms. I don’t know how I’ll manage to learn my way around before the students arrive.”

Severus glanced at Harry sideways as they walked up to the castle together.

“If you become lost, you should call one of the school’s house elves. You will find them quite helpful, I expect. Mopsy, Dobby and Tipsy are the most competent of those assigned to the school staff.”

Harry was delighted that Severus was proving to be so civil. Heck, this interaction was downright _friendly_. Typically the man was like a block of ice around new people, or _any_ people really. Harry supposed Severus might still be feeling guilty and embarrassed about pulling a wand on a new colleague without cause. It was possible that Severus was attempting to make amends for that.

Harry smiled at him warmly, placing a hand on the other man’s arm briefly, with calculated casualness, “Thank you, Severus.”

Severus tensed, almost imperceptibly, but after a brief pause he murmured dismissively, “Of course. Think nothing of it.”

“You said you teach Potions,” Harry prompted, eager to keep the conversation going. “How long have you taught here?”

Severus had to think about it for just a moment, then he answered, “Twenty-two years.”

“Truly? You appear far too young for that to be true.”

Severus glanced at Harry again then said, “I am forty-one. I began teaching when I was nineteen years old, shortly after achieving my mastery.”

“That is incredible, Severus,” Harry replied. His surprise wasn’t sincere but his admiration was, and he made no effort to hide it.

Severus _was_ truly brilliant. It was nearly unheard of for mastery in _any_ subject to be achieved so very young. It was even more impressive for Severus to have achieved a mastery in _potions_ so young. Most potions masters achieved their mastery when they were closer to fifty or sixty. Severus avoided looking at him, which was a tell-tale sign of his embarrassment. Harry smiled again but it went unseen. Severus changed the subject to divert attention from himself.

“What of you? What is your teaching experience?”

“Truth be told, I have no experience teaching in classrooms, but I trained soldiers during the war,” Harry replied honestly. “I never pursued my mastery but my knowledge and experience is extensive. I am not entirely sure how well this position will work out for me, but Albus expressed great confidence that I would be a good fit. Here’s hoping I do not prove him wrong.”

“You fought in the war?”

Harry chuckled, “Do not sound so surprised, Severus, I am more fierce than I look.”

“I am sure that you must be,” Severus replied matter-of-factly. “Tell me, were you an Auror or were you a member of the Order?”

“Neither, actually,” Harry said with a shake of his head, “I was one of the mercenaries hired by Albus.”

“I was not aware he possessed that kind of money.”

Harry chuckled, “Well, he doesn’t, actually, but he can be quite convincing. I was persuaded to provide my special brand of services at a criminally discounted rate. Now that it’s all over, he has worked his magic again, I suppose, by convincing me to give respectable work a try.”

Severus’s lips twisted slightly, with bitterness, “Yes, that does sound like Albus.”

“I take it you are not fond of our dear Headmaster?” Harry observed mildly.

Severus paused for a long moment then answered carefully, “He is a good man but I am not fond of his tendency towards game playing and other such manipulations.”

Harry couldn’t have agreed more. He also appreciated Severus’s attempt to warn a new teacher about Albus. Severus was taking a personal risk in doing so.

“Hm, you must be a Gryffindor.”

Harry couldn’t _believe_ he had just managed to say that with a straight face. Severus jerked as if he had been hit with a stinging hex and Harry almost burst out laughing. Harry hastily cleared his throat to conceal his mirth and then continued innocently, “Am I wrong? Isn’t Gryffindor the House that extolls the noble virtues?”

“I am a _Slytherin,”_ Severus replied incredulously. “I am the _Head_ _of Slytherin_.”

Harry doubted the man had ever been mistaken for anything other than a Slytherin. Certainly never a Gryffindor of all things - despite how very brave he was.

“Oh, so sorry, my mistake,” Harry apologized quickly then lowered his voice and said conspiratorially, “Between you and me, Slytherins sound like more fun anyways. I’ve never been able to resist the cunning, devious, enigmatic type.”

He let his gaze drift over Severus briefly before looking away. He could see from the corner of his eye that Severus was staring at him again. It was as if he had no idea of what to make of Harry. Severus wouldn’t believe that Harry could _possibly_ be flirting with him but he was obviously having a hard time figuring out another explanation.

Harry knew when the time came, he would have to be incredibly blunt about what he wanted from Severus. He would _never_ get through to Severus otherwise. Until then, though, he would try to build a strong rapport and earn the other man’s trust and respect. Harry knew that Severus preferred men so it was really just a matter of biding his time and winning the potions master over. Harry was looking forward to it. 

Life had _so much_ potential when he wasn’t Harry Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry started the school year with so much hope. It was strange but wonderful to sit with the other teachers and watch the tiny first-year students enter through the doors of the great hall for the very first time. Their awe was humbling. It made him remember his own first day at Hogwarts and how far he had come since.

By the end of his second class, on his very first day, the children had destroyed his hopeful delusions thoroughly. His students wouldn’t listen to him at all. He’d chosen interesting, year-appropriate subjects to start off the year on a good foot but instead of teaching his students, he was struggling just to get them to pay attention. The fourth-year and fifth-year students had been through four or five DADA professors and it was clear they didn’t expect him to stick around any longer than any of their previous teachers.

Harry stepped into Severus’s classroom, shutting the door behind him. The man was sitting at his deck grading papers but he stopped when he saw who his visitor was.

“Dominic. How has your first day been so far?”

“Well so far, I’ve spent half of it praying for patience and the other half cursing myself for taking this job in the first place. Now I can’t even go to lunch because I’m literally hiding from my students. Not that they’ll _notice_ because they are _barely_ aware of my existence… I spent hours perfecting my lesson plans for today and none of those little terrors even bothered to listen. The blatant disrespect is _unbelievable_!”

Severus chuckled and smirked at him, making Harry’s heart throb in his chest and briefly distracting him from his exasperated tirade, “It will get better, I assure you. You merely need to acquire their respect.”

“I am _not_ allowed to beat them, Severus,” Harry muttered darkly, sinking down onto one of the desks with a sullen expression. His black humor was rewarded with a flash of a grin from the dark-haired man. Severus hid it quickly but Harry had seen it and his downtrodden mood improved immediately. Suddenly he felt almost cheerful. 

“No, unfortunately, you cannot,” Severus agreed. “The key is to make them _believe_ that you will hurt them, not actually doing it.”

“You truly are a devious man,” Harry replied, eyeing Severus appreciatively. “I suppose I should give the rumors about you some credence after all.”

Severus arched a brow, humor shining in the depths of his intense black eyes. Harry continued, “Surely it can only get better after today.”

“That is utter nonsense,” Severus replied, very seriously. “It can always get worse. _Especially_ when children are involved.”

Harry was startled for a moment then he burst into helpless laughter. When he managed to calm down he noticed Severus was watching him, seeming pleased with himself for the response he had won from Harry. More importantly, there was unmistakable longing and admiration lingering in those dark eyes - emotions that Severus quickly attempted to smother as he looked away. He faked interest in straightening the papers on his desk instead.

Harry was thrilled with the signs that Severus was attracted to him. Things were progressing so much more smoothly than he had ever dared to hope. Without Harry’s true name and age as barriers between them, their conversations flowed effortlessly and their personalities complimented each other well. It was just so natural and so easy.

Harry thought that this was the way it always should have been.

Harry asked, “Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask a house elf to bring lunch for us both? Maybe I could help you with those papers.”

Severus divided his remaining papers and offered them to Harry without hesitation, “Please do.”

Harry took the papers, glancing down at them then frowning, “Wait, how do you already have papers to grade? Did you assign essays to be completed over the summer, you devil?”

His tone held a twinge of humor. The corner of Severus’s mouth quirked ever so slightly but he replied neutrally, “It is important for the students in my advanced classes to remain focused on their studies if they wish to achieve superior marks on their exams.”

Harry made a noncommittal sound in response. He knew there was more to it than Severus said. He’d seen Severus’s initial reaction to his words and he knew the man had a sense of humor that bordered on sadistic at times. Severus _enjoyed_ weeding out the students who lacked appropriate appreciation for his favorite subject.

Harry called out, “Dobby?”

The little elf popped into existence on the desk beside him, squeaking cheerfully, “How can Dobby help Mister Wake?”

Dobby was wearing three oversized shirts, two hats, and a pair of mismatched socks. Harry’s smiled at Dobby fondly, “Would you mind bringing us some lunch?”

“Dobby would be _most_ _happy_ to bring lunch for Mister Wake and Mister Snape!”

Dobby popped out and then returned quickly, struggling under the weight of the huge tray he carried over his head. Harry quickly relieved him of his burden and said, “ _Thank you_ , Dobby, you’re wonderful and I really appreciate you.”

Dobby went pink in the cheeks and he twisted one of his shirts in his hands bashfully, looking very pleased indeed, “Dobby is so happy to be helpful!”

“That will be all, Dobby,” Severus interjected firmly, but not harshly.

Dobby nodded quickly and disappeared once more, still smiling from ear to ear. Severus cast Harry a reproving look after Dobby was gone, “I’ve told you not to compliment him. That little creature is practically in love with you, Dominic.”

Harry rolled his eyes and replied jokingly, “I’m not worried he’ll get the _wrong idea_ , Severus. Sometimes, when other people do nice things for you, it is _occasionally_ appropriate to be nice to them in return.”

He set the tray on Severus’s desk, out of the way, and he pulled up a chair. He took a bite of a cold-cut sandwich and chewed thoughtfully as he started skimming over the first paper in his stack. He hadn’t expected Severus to reply so he was surprised when the other man said quietly, “Thank you for volunteering to help me so often, Dominic. I hope you do not think me unappreciative.”

Harry blinked quickly because he was more than a little taken aback by Severus’s words. He realized, belatedly, what had happened and he hastily attempted to correct the misunderstanding.

“Oh, Severus, I was just joking,” Harry insisted. “I really wasn’t insinuating anything negative. I _know_ you appreciate the help. Hell, from what I can tell, you never have any time to yourself. On top of teaching full-time you have your responsibilities as a head of house and you also keep the infirmary potions supply fully stocked. You’ve been a great help to me as well, by the way, by giving me feedback on my lesson plans and helping me adjust to this place.”

Severus nodded once. The hint of doubt and worry that had been visible in his features before was gone now and he appeared reassured. Harry hesitated a moment then added, “To be perfectly honest, Severus, I’m being a little selfish too. You’re my favorite colleague and I really enjoy your company. I don’t think I’d ever see you if I didn’t offer to help you out every once in a while.”

He could tell he’d succeeded in surprising Severus but the man seemed pleased - even though he was doing his damnedest to hide it. Severus replied, “I will admit that you are the only member of the staff that doesn’t irritate me at all.”

Harry grinned happily, “Thank you, Severus, that is high praise indeed!”

After lunch, Harry was feeling much better about his day. He had seventh-year Gryffindor and Slytherin students for his last class of the day. It’d been the class he was dreading the most but he walked in feeling optimistic. This morning, he’d been trying so hard to be what he _thought_ a teacher should be. Unwaveringly professional, no-nonsense, stick to the lesson plans… that kind of thing. Now he thought that maybe it’d been a mistake.

None of the seventh year students gave him a passing glance when he walked up to the podium. Some of their faces were vaguely familiar. They’d been first years when he was in his seventh year. He hadn’t really been present at school that year though and he didn’t remember any of their names.

They’d seen terrible things in the Battle of Hogwarts and the three years of the war that had followed. Their first year at Hogwarts, the school had been under Voldemort’s control and Amycus Carrow had been their DADA professor. Only, the class had been just “Dark Arts” then and all of the students had been taught many dark and illegal spells that year.

These were definitely not students who would respond well to fear tactics.

Harry cast a silencing charm over the class and he had their attention immediately, though they watched him with a mixture of indignation and disgust. Harry knew it was frowned upon for a professor to silence students, but he’d always thought that was a stupid rule. If it happened to get back to Albus, the old man wouldn’t dare say anything to Harry about it. Not after all the times Albus had encouraged Harry to break the rules in the past, when Albus was grooming him to be the savior of the wizarding world.

Harry gave his students a guileless smile, “Thank you for your attention. Push the desks out of the way and put away your valuables. We’re going to be dueling today. It’ll be all of you against me. You can use any spells you like, illegal or otherwise. The wards I’ve installed on this room will protect you from the ministry. The only caveat is no Unforgivables - for obvious reasons. If you’re able to subdue me before the end of class, I won’t assign any of you homework for rest of the year.”

The students exchanged wide-eyed glances with each other. He could see their rising excitement as they did as he asked. When everything was settled, Harry removed the silencing charm and said, “Okay, give it your best go then. Remember what’s at stake here.”

He knew what they saw when they looked at him. They probably figured they had this win in the bag. Harry hadn’t even bothered to draw his wand yet. No one moved, not even the Slytherin students. Harry could tell they were expecting a trap. He chuckled and drew his wand, “Okay, I’ll go first.”

Harry started with a simple Expelliarmus spell, to lure them into a false sense of security. His charm robbed one witch of her wand and sure enough, this was all the prompting the other students needed. Dozens of spells flew through the air - several of which were quite dark indeed. The Slytherins were not pulling any punches. They were every bit as fierce as the Gryffindors, if not more so. They were just much more subtle about it.

He didn’t feel the same panic as he had when Severus had attacked him on his first day. It was because he’d mentally prepared himself for this duel and he’d been fully expecting the students to start attacking him. Severus had taken him by surprise before and Harry hadn’t been able to put a stop to it without making the man even more suspicious. In this lopsided duel today Harry was allowed to properly defend himself.

Harry focused solely on defense first, watching to see what the skill level of his students was. He was relieved to see that most were passible but there were also a handful that had real potential.

He could tell when their confidence started to waiver. It was after the first few minutes when they realized that no spells had hit him and he hadn’t even had to move his feet yet in order to dodge. He’d known the counter spell for every spell thrown at him. He hadn’t even thrown up a shield. After about half an hour he could tell they were starting to get desperate and they’d run through their best spells already. Some of them were getting creative, but others just kept trying the same old blasting and disarming spells.

When Harry started attacking by casting their own spells back at them, he could tell they were starting to get increasingly frantic. All of Harry’s spells were non-verbal and he snuck in many wandless ones as well. He was casting multiple spells at once and in quick succession.

One by one, he incapacitated his students, taking his time with it. If he ended it too quickly they might later believe that if he hadn’t surprised them they might have won. He wanted to make it absolutely clear, beyond all doubt, that they were entirely outclassed.

Harry ended it after an hour, placing the last few students in binds. Harry moved his gaze over all of them appraisingly, then he smiled and said, “Not bad at all! I’d expected worse, to be honest, given your subpar schooling thus far. I commend you all for making an effort to learn outside of the classroom.”

Harry released them all and returned wands to the students he had disarmed. He waved a hand carelessly and all of the desks resumed their previous arrangement in the blink of an eye. This action seemed to disconcert some of his students more than his dueling skills had. Harry took note of which ones were bothered - they were the smartest of the bunch.

Harry resumed his place behind the podium, “Does anyone need to go to the infirmary?”

He knew no one did but he figured he was obligated to ask. No one raised their hands. They’d taken their seats and they were paying rapt attention to him now. He’d successfully earned their respect.

With any luck, the rumors would spread quickly and he wouldn’t need to duel each and _every_ one of his students to get his point across.

Harry cleared his throat, “Now, you’ve all got plenty of room for improvement. We’ve got two hours left today and a whole year ahead of us. If you’re willing to put in the effort, I’ll make sure you all leave here at least twice as accomplished as you are now. I want nothing less than Outstanding marks for all of you when you take your N.E.W.T.s and together we can make that happen.”

Everyone was absolutely quiet. Harry was gratified to notice that a few had started taking notes already. Harry nodded then said, “Okay then, let’s start with some constructive criticism. You all might have stood a chance if you’d attacked together rather than as individuals. The war may be over now but knowing how to cast offensive spells as part of a unit is a valuable survival skill and if any of you plan on becoming Aurors, this skill will set you firmly ahead of the recruits at the Academy…”

One brunette Gryffindor raised her hand. Harry paused, remembering a certain other brunette in his own year group, then he said, “You have a question already? Introduce yourself first then.”

She stood and pushed up her oversized glasses on her nose as she said, “Yes, Professor Wake. My name is Diana Hubbard. Sir, I’d wondered if maybe you could repeat your introduction from the start of class? I wasn’t paying attention then and I am sorry, sir.”

Her cheeks were flushed with shame but she kept her head high. Harry smiled at her, “There is no need to apologize, Miss Hubbard. The rest of the class wasn't paying attention then either. I don’t really blame any of you.”

He paused then continued, “My name is Professor Dominic Wake. Before I became a teacher, I made a living as a professional soldier - I was a mercenary. I did that for oh, about fifteen years. It wasn’t honorable work but I was good at it and it paid well enough. I fought in the last war, against Voldemort.”

Everyone flinched and Harry continued blithely, “Might as well get used to that - I’ll be saying his name a lot. Anyways, I haven't taught before, so I’ll need a little patience from you, but I know a great deal about this subject and most of my knowledge comes from practical experience. I’m a great believer in learning by doing. You’ll have assigned reading but it’ll be happening _outside_ of the class.”


	3. Chapter 3

It had been three months since Harry had returned to Hogwarts and a month since the school year had started. Harry was starting to think that it might be time to make it clear to Severus that he was interested in more than friendship. It was sooner than expected, but the other man had been more receptive than Harry had previously dared to hope possible.

“You must be doing better than you say you are, Dominic,” Severus said. “The students who have been attending your classes claim to be thoroughly enjoying your teaching style. They like you, and in many ways that is better than being feared. I have to resort to such methods because I am _profoundly_ unlikeable. You, however, are quite the opposite. I cannot imagine you have any trouble commanding their attention these days. I think you are the popular favorite by far.”

Harry was taken aback by the unexpected compliment. Severus seemed to check himself and a little hint of anxiety flickered in those black eyes as he looked back down at his potion ingredients. He was trying to appear nonchalant, as if he had said nothing of importance. Harry felt conflicting emotions. On one hand, he was happy that Severus thought so highly of him, but he was also a little unhappy too because he had thought he was blending in so well. Surely he could not stand apart from the crowd, even now? Without his name or his fame? After everything he had changed?

He’d resorted to a display of skill on his first day only because it had been necessary in order to earn some measure of respect from his students. They wouldn’t have ever listened to him if he hadn’t proven himself to be competent in the subject. He might be here with the main objective of wooing Severus but he wasn’t about to let any student leave his class without ensuring they had the knowledge they needed to protect themselves against any future threat they might encounter. The very last thing Harry needed was more deaths on his conscious. He could barely sleep as it was.

Harry forced a laugh, “Really, Severus, I know that is not true. I am unremarkable in every way. I mean, _look_ at me. I couldn’t be any more plain than I am. I am well aware of my flaws.”

Severus glanced up from his task sharply, “I will not believe that you could possibly believe that. You cannot be unaware of the effect you have on people - the _presence_ you have. You are a powerful wizard and even the dimmest of students can feel that. You are also incredibly charismatic. You may appear unremarkable at first glance, but there is something about you that holds the eye irregardless, and after the second glance… gazes _linger_. You are not unremarkable at all, Dominic.”

Harry stared at Severus in dumbstruck amazement. The man had forgotten himself again. Unbelievably, the faintest blush colored the potion master’s pale skin but this time he did not look away. Harry straightened and stepped closer, “You flatter me, Severus. You are really too kind.”

He pitched his voice low and soft. Severus’s eyes widened slightly as Harry placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward. Harry held Severus’s gaze steadily for a moment then raised a hand and placed it at the back of Severus’s neck. He lowered his head further and captured the other man’s lips in a firm kiss. It was a proclamation and a challenge.

Severus went absolutely rigid in response. The man did not kiss Harry back but he didn’t hex him or move away either. Harry was a little relieved and he drew back a bit to look at Severus’s face. Harry murmured huskily, “Forgive me, my dear friend, but how I can I be expected to resist you when you’re so tempting?”

He kept his hand at the back of Severus’s neck and he smoothed the thumb of that hand over the other man’s throbbing pulse. Harry’s own pulse was racing just as erratically.

Severus was staring at him with shock and hunger - like a starving man who had suddenly and unexpectedly been presented with a feast. Harry glanced down at Severus’s lips briefly then raised his eyes again and whispered gently, “May I kiss you again?”

Severus swallowed tightly, looking so uncertain that it hurt Harry’s heart, “If... you wish.”

His proud voice shook, just ever so slightly. Harry gave him a warm, reassuring smile and kissed him again, with infinite care and tenderness. Harry pressed a little more insistently and Severus parted his lips in response. Harry lay claim to his mouth.

Severus hesitantly returned the kiss but he remained deliciously submissive under Harry’s lips and tongue, letting Harry remain in control. Harry kissed him with increasing passion and heat, drawing the quietest and softest of moans from Severus. 

When Harry pulled back this time, his breathing was unsteady with need. Severus was struggling to control his breathing as well and his black eyes searched Harry’s brown eyes intently. Harry said, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that.”

Harry finally drew his hand back and straightened, knowing when to push and when not to. Severus managed to voice a simple question, “Why?”

Harry smirked and replied playfully, “Why did I wait? Well, I didn’t want to appear presumptuous, I suppose. I would hate to alienate a coworker so soon in the year.”

Severus frowned at him but Harry was glad to see there was no malice in it. Severus questioned again, “Why do you want me?”

Harry smiled at him gently and answered quietly, “You are not at all unremarkable either. I admire you more than I can rightly say, Severus. You are a singularly brilliant man and I enjoy the time I spend in your company. I appreciate your dry, dark sense of humor and your biting wit. Moreover, I am _attracted_ to you. I’m not particularly interested in a casual relationship, but I’ll take that if it’s all you’ll give me. I would prefer to date you, if you are open to the idea.”

“I am quite amenable, Dominic,” Severus whispered. His deep voice was laden with more emotion he would ever _willingly_ show.

Harry grinned and he was so happy he impulsively stole another kiss. This one was just the barest and briefest touching of lips.

“Excellent,” Harry said cheerfully. “Are you free Saturday night?”

“I can be, yes,” Severus replied, managing an even tone this time.

“We’ll have dinner then, in my chambers. Let’s say, seven?”

Severus nodded once but this time he didn’t form a verbal reply.

Harry smiled again, “Great, I’ll look forward to it.”

That was the understatement of the year. Harry spent the entire day Saturday cleaning his rooms and preparing the meal he would share with Severus. He might have gone overboard with the food but he was so excited about their first real date that he _literally_ could not sit still.

By six o’clock Harry had run out of distractions and in the hour of idleness that followed, Harry managed to convince himself beyond all reasonable doubt that Severus _would not be coming._ Severus would find _some_ reason to cancel at the last minute and it wouldn’t be a real reason, just an excuse not to see Harry.

Harry had been nearly beside himself because of all of the awful and completely made up scenarios running through his head. There was so much at stake for him that he couldn’t help but imagine the worst. There was a large part of him that still believed that Severus could never be his.

Then he’d heard the knock on the door and it had, of course, been Severus. Severus had arrived promptly at seven. Not a minute earlier or a minute later. Severus had seemed awkward and uncertain at first but Harry did his best to ensure that the man felt welcome and wanted while Harry set out the food for them.

Severus marveled at the food on the table before him, seeming highly impressed, “You say _you_ cooked all this? Without magic? Wherever did you learn such a skill?”

“I never told you?” Harry questioned in surprise, then he shook his head. “I guess it hasn’t come up... I was raised by muggles. I learned to cook as a child. My aunt and uncle insisted upon it actually. They were not very pleasant people by any stretch of the imagination, but I learned some handy skills over the years.”

“You were raised by your muggle aunt and uncle?” Severus’s voice was suddenly very quiet. His tone was thoughtful and rather subdued.

“Yes, why?” Harry replied with forced nonchalance, wondering if he had told too much of the truth. He tried his best to give Severus the truth about his past whenever he could do so without giving away his true identity outright.

Severus shook his head, “Nothing of importance. You merely share a lot of similarities with someone I... used to know.”

Harry took a seat beside Severus, looking at him speculatively, “Would this happen to be the same person that flies around like a madman?”

“Not like a madman,” Severus replied quickly. “You have far too much grace and far too much skill for that. You fly as if you were _born_ for it. As if you are more at home in the air than on your own feet. To watch you, is... to be stricken breathless. It was the same with him. It was was previously unimaginable to me, that there could be anyone in the entire world who could match _him_ in the sky… but you might even surpass him, Dominic.”

This line of conversation was making Harry very uneasy, “Careful, Severus, you are going to make me jealous. I thought you _hated_ this mysterious other person.”

“I did and I do,” Severus replied with perfect conviction. “I merely... I _assure_ you, he is no threat to you. You remind me of him sometimes with your skills and anecdotes from your past but you are nothing like him. Even if I did not loathe him, he was a child when I knew him - eighteen years my junior.”

“You keep changing tenses when you speak of him. Is he dead?” Harry asked. He was trying very hard to keep his tone mild but it hurt his heart to hear yet another confirmation of Severus’s true feelings for Harry Potter. It _shouldn’t_ bother him so much - not now that he had left that identity behind forever… but it did.

Severus waved a hand dismissively and without care, “I have no idea. No one has seen him in two years. Not since the end of the war. I am sorry, I did not mean to speak of him. Tell me more about your childhood?”

“Well there isn’t much to tell,” Harry replied cagily. “It wasn’t a happy childhood. Not exactly good conversation fodder for a first date.”

Severus replied dryly, “I don’t expect sunshine and roses, Dominic. I want to know everything about your life - the good and bad alike.”

Harry considered him for a long, weighty moment then nodded and replied, “Okay. My aunt and uncle were abusive.”

Severus frowned severely, concern and empathy showing clearly in his dark eyes. Harry offered him a small smile before continuing, “It was never particularly physical on their part, through they did throw things at times and they looked the other way when their son and his friends beat me. They starved me and neglected me. They were terrified of magic and they hated me for the threat I presented to their idea of normalcy. Their greatest fear was that their neighbors would find out what a freak I was.”

Harry paused, watching Severus’s expression carefully to try to judge if he was saying too much. He continued on bravely, “I spent ten years of my life sleeping in the cupboard under their stairs and eating scraps from their dishes, when I was allowed. I prepared every meal from the time I was old enough to walk and did every chore they could come up with for me. When I wasn’t working, I was locked in the cupboard. When their friends came over, I was locked in the cupboard. When I failed to please them, as I always did, I was locked in the cupboard and starved. Sometimes they forgot about me for days at a time. Their home was never mine and they never let me forget that. I was more of a servant than family, lower even than their son’s pets.”

Harry sipped his wine and set the glass aside with a steady hand. It cost him nothing to speak of this. He felt no strong emotions concerning the Dursleys, only a hollow, cold sort of numbness. He didn’t even hate them anymore. He never spoke of his childhood simply because it made _other_ people upset and uncomfortable. If other people even suspected that he’d been mistreated as a child, it made people pity him and treat him as if he were damaged.

Yet, he felt Severus could actually understand him. He knew the other man had not had a happy childhood either. He settled his gaze on Severus and he was relieved to see he was right. Harry said, “It was a long time ago and I haven’t seen them since I was in school. I hated them once but then I realized that my hate for them was a poison that threatened to ruin me. I will _never_ forgive them, but they are pathetic and insignificant. Now days, I rarely even think of them. I have never spoken of them quite like this to anyone. Most people simply cannot understand.”

Severus inclined his head and took a sip of his own wine before replying quietly, “My father was an abusive drunk. He was a muggle and when he found out my mother was a witch, he hated her for it and he hated me. I was often beaten to the point where I would lose consciousness. I cannot say how many bones were broken over the years because I never received proper medical care. I would have likely died early on if not for my magic. My mother had the power to stop it but she was terrified of my father and, at the same time, she loved him too much to leave him or to defy him. She let him beat her and she let him beat me.”

Severus drew in a steadying breath and said, in conclusion, “I do not mean to draw any sort of comparison between us. I only say these things because I want you to know that I _do_ understand you, Dominic.”

Severus’s body was tense and the knuckles of his hand that held his wine glass were white. Harry suspected that Severus had never said the words aloud, just like Harry had never actually told anyone either.

Harry reached out and gently placed his hand over Severus’s. It was clear Severus had not been able to let go of his hatred over the years and that was not surprising to Harry. Harry knew Severus’s predisposition towards hate.

Severus set down the wine glass and Harry threaded his fingers through Severus’s. He held that dark, haunted gaze for almost a full minute. So much passed unsaid in that silent moment. It was a genuine understanding and it went soul-deep.

Finally, Harry smiled slightly and offered a change in subject, “I want to hear more about the new potion you’re developing.”

Their fingers remained intertwined as they smoothly moved on to less grim subjects. Soon they were even laughing over tales of student idiocy and trying to outdo each other with increasingly worse and unbelievable stories. Harry was seriously at a disadvantage because he’d only been teaching a month, but the stories Severus told had him laughing so hard he had could barely breath. He clutched at the stitch in his side and gasped, “Oh god, Severus, you did _not_ tell that poor child…”

He dissolved into helpless laughter, unable to keep speaking.

Severus’s eyes were bright as they regarded Harry and a smile turned one corner of his lips upwards, “You know I did and I do not regret it. She _melted_ _her_ _cauldron,_ Dominic. She deserved much worse.”

Harry shook his head, biting back his grin, “ _Why_ did you go into teaching?”

Severus sighed at that and replied, “Much for the same reasons as you. Albus can be very persuasive when he wants to be. However, ultimately, it was because I found myself indebted to him. He required me to stay close to fulfill my debt. Now that so many years have passed, Hogwarts is more of a home to me than anywhere else has ever been and I am sure I could hardly find work elsewhere... the respectable kind, that is. A Potions Master is always in high demand but with my dark and questionable past, I’d only receive commissions from morally ambiguous individuals.”

“What do you mean? Why does your past matter so much?”

Severus paused and suddenly he looked very apprehensive, “I am aware that my story is quite well known. Surely you must know of the mistakes I made in my youth and the shameful and ugly mark I bear on my arm. Albus would have warned you if you did not already know.”

Severus shifted uncomfortably after he fell silent, waiting for Harry’s reaction. Harry quickly attempted to put the other man at ease, “Death Eater turned spy turned double agent. Yes, I know. I merely thought... surely that is not held against you _still?_ You have been publicly exonerated. _Everyone_ knows the role you played in the defeat of Voldemort. The intelligence you provided was invaluable. You were the only spy so high within Voldemort’s ranks, within his _inner circle_ and regularly by his side.”

“You speak _His_ name with great ease,” Severus observed quietly, with keen perception. 

Harry hesitated, trying to think of a proper explanation, then he shrugged and said, “He is dead now - _truly_ dead. It costs me nothing.”

Severus seemed to accept this because he only sighed and resumed the previous thread of conversation, “Most people will _always_ distrust me. In their minds, once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. I bear the mark and I will always bear the mark.”

“May I see it?”

Severus went very still. After a long moment he said tensely, “If you must.”

Harry raised his free hand. He gently pushed up the sleeve that covered the same arm of the hand that he still held. He observed the dark mark critically. The tattoo was a stark contrast against such pale skin. He ran his fingers lightly over the tainted skin and noted how Severus shivered. He could feel the dark magic within the ink and the evil that lingered even now. Harry murmured commiseratingly, “What a truly nasty piece of work... It cannot be removed even now that he is gone?”

“I have tried everything short of cutting off my own arm,” Severus replied quietly. His voice was careful and very guarded.

Harry glanced up at Severus. He found that the other man watching him fixedly, with a shuttered gaze. Harry understood immediately why Severus was acting so standoffish - he was braced for a _very_ negative reaction from Harry.

Harry leaned forward and pressed a kiss over the dark mark without hesitation, “It does not bother me, Severus. I only spoke as I did just now because I wish you did not have to bear this reminder of the past. I am very familiar with the Dark Arts and other terrible things so do _not_ imagine me an innocent just because the blood that stains _my_ hands cannot be seen. I could _never_ judge you for a mistake made when you were little more than a child. Have faith in me.”

Severus relaxed finally and whispered, “Thank you, Dominic.”


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had dismissed his class almost twenty minutes ago but his students tended to like to stick around until they either _had_ to leave or he kicked them out. This was his last class on a Friday so Harry would probably have to kick them out today. This undeniable proof of Harry’s prevailing and incredible popularity would have made Severus roll his eyes if he’d been around to see it.

‘Perhaps you could try to be a _little_ less likable,’ Severus would say, in the tone of fond exasperation that he used so often these days, when they were alone.

“Professor Wake, I’ve always wondered, why are the Dark Arts bad?” Charlotte Quincy asked. “The good and bad of a thing is in the intent, right? It is that way with every tool and magic is just another tool. Why do only evil wizards use the most powerful spells?Surely we could best protect ourselves by mastering the use of the Dark Arts that everybody fears. Fighting fire with fire?”

Charlotte was one of the most intelligent of the Ravenclaws, even though she was only in her third year. She also happened to be one of Severus’s favorite students - one of the few he said were tolerable. Severus said she always asked the most interesting questions and Harry was inclined to agree.

Everyone stopped their side conversations now and listened intently, waiting for an answer. Harry thought their interest in the Dark Arts was a little concerning but it was to be expected. Merlin only knew what kind of stories the seventh year students had passed around, prior to Harry setting them straight at the beginning of the year. He supposed he should probably make it a point to have this particular conversation with _all_ of his students.

Harry stood from his chair and began to pace the length of his classroom - it helped him think. He knew that it was important that he explain this properly. After a couple quiet minutes, he finally answered, “Your quill is a tool. Your wand is a tool. Magic is absolutely _not_ a tool. You _are_ your magic. We are _all_ magic. You know that your magic flows from your core, but what is your core? It is your _soul_.”

He raised a hand and light flared to life in his palm, “What you see here is an _extension_ of the most fundamental part of myself.”

He closed his hand and the light vanished. His students were listening raptly, with wide eyes. They looked so young and it made Harry wonder if he’d looked so young in his third year too. Harry shook his head and continued gently, “The Dark Arts are not bad in and of themselves but they are called Dark for a reason. The spells are powerful but they demand a weighty price.

“When using the Dark Arts, you risk losing yourself in their thrall. The Dark Arts are a seductive mistress. The Dark Arts easily corrupt and enslave the weak of mind but there is no one in this world who is invulnerable to their allure. To use the Dark Arts is a heady pleasure - one comparable to sex. It is intensely addictive and a single spell can be enough to trap a witch or wizard in an endless cycle of using darker and darker spells. Some of the seventh year students you know still struggle after their exposure in their first year.” 

Some of his students exchanged glances and Harry knew he’d been right. He sighed and said grimly, “The greatest pleasures are found in the greatest power - the kind that _destroys_. When one becomes addicted to the Dark Arts… other forms of magic cannot satisfy. All previously known pleasures become meaningless. The Dark Arts feed on our hearts, without our notice, and leave us less than we were.”

Charlotte and all of his other students appeared deeply disturbed. Harry stopped pacing and leaned against his desk. When it was clear that he was finished speaking, Charlotte managed, “Why does no one ever explain what the Dark Arts are, sir? Why don’t we learn about it in our classes?”

“Well,” Harry replied, “most people do not truly understand, not anymore. In the past the Dark Arts were a threat to every witch and wizard but in the present times… a lot of the spells have been made illegal and the majority of witches and wizards are raised to believe the Dark Arts are inherently evil. Most never even _attempt_ to use Dark spells.”

“But, Professor,” Charlotte persisted, “how do _you_ know then?”

Harry smiled wryly, “I thought much the same as you did once but, unlike you, I didn’t have anyone to explain things to me properly. I had to learn the hard way. I used Dark Arts in the war, to kill Death Eaters. It was particularly dangerous for me to do so, because I have a great deal of power - much more than the average wizard. To further compound the danger, I _hated_ the Death Eaters I hunted. I hated them with all that I was and nothing feeds darkness quite like hate... I became helplessly addicted after the first spell - a spell that boiled a man in his own blood.”

Charlotte was silent, looking horrified. Benjamin Wells spoke up, “Sir, how did you stop?”

“I fell in love,” Harry replied with a small, wistful smile. “I was quite lucky in that respect - for me the love eventually became stronger than the addiction. I knew another man who was only able to stop after indirectly killing the only woman he’d ever loved - it was not love that saved him but his grief that freed him.”

Harry paused then said, “Go on now, you should all go enjoy your weekend.”

The students seemed to not recognize that he had dismissed them (for the second time in an hour). He paused then said, “Go on, get out of here. Seriously.”

The students moved then, grabbing their bags and filing out in a hush. None of them said another word. Harry was worried he might have ruined their weekend. His words had been necessary but maybe his timing had been poor. It could have probably waited till Monday. He felt somewhat guilty now.

“You never told me that story.”

Harry turned sharply and was surprised to find Severus standing against the back wall, in the shadow by the door - how long had he been there? Harry shook his head to clear his thoughts and he smiled, “Severus. Sorry, I didn’t see you come in.”

“Yes, you appeared many miles away,” Severus replied dryly as he closed the classroom door. “I am shocked that you would speak of such things to the children. Especially the younger students.”

“I don’t believe in keeping children ignorant, no matter what their age is,” Harry replied seriously. “I’ve had a hard enough time with the seventh years who were forced to practice the Dark Arts with Carrow. If any of these other kids are thinking about experimenting with the Dark Arts, they should know the risks beforehand.”

Severus smirked, “Oh, I assure you, if any were considering it, you have effectively put them off the idea _forever_.”

Harry supposed that was _technically_ a good thing but judging by how devilishly pleased Severus was, he suspected that maybe he’d taken things a touch too far.

Severus’s smirk slowly faded and he asked quietly, “What happened? To this person you loved, who saved you from yourself? How long ago was this and why haven’t you ever mentioned it before?”

Harry recognized Severus’s concern and he quickly moved to close the distance between them, “He never loved me back, Severus. He never even knew what I felt for him. That was another life entirely so you really have no reason to be jealous. For me, there is only you, I promise.”

Harry kissed Severus and the kiss quickly became more. Harry threaded his fingers through Severus’s hair, as he loved to do. These days, Severus was careful to keep his hair clean and silky - just because Harry had said on one occasion that he liked it that way.

He pressed Severus back against the wall, waving a hand at the closed classroom door to lock it. He also threw in a silencing charm for good measure. Severus moaned quietly into Harry’s mouth as Harry ground against him. He pushed Severus’s robes back and his hand found the ties of Severus’s pants, daftly unfastening them.

Harry broke away with a wicked little smile and dropped to his knees. Severus’s eyes widened and he breathed shakily, “ _Dominic_ …”

Harry treasured every breathy gasp and quiet moan he extracted from the usually stoic man. Severus was surprisingly and delightfully submissive whenever they were intimate, surrendering himself to Harry’s whims.

When he was finished with the man, Severus could barely stand. Harry licked his lips and stood, kissing Severus again as he retied the man’s pants. Then he stepped back with a coy smile, “I’ll see you tonight?”

Severus managed, “You don’t want me to…?”

He trailed off and made a vague gesture in the direction of Harry’s groin, his black eyes uncertain. Harry smiled at him again, kindly and with affection, “If you have to ask, then no. I don’t mind if you don’t care for giving head, Severus. I give it because I enjoy it and I _love_ seeing you come undone under my mouth.”

Color tinted Severus’s skin though his face did not change in any other way. Harry chuckled, “Go. You have a detention to supervise soon, don’t you? Some poor hapless Gryffindor student?”

Severus seemed to fight with himself for a moment then he stepped forward and knelt slowly before Harry, “I want to, Dominic, but I... do not know how.”

The words appeared to cost the man everything he had. Harry blinked at him in dumbstruck surprise. Harry had to struggle to focus on words when he was helplessly distracted by the arousing sight of Severus on his knees before him, “Sorry?”

Severus lowered his gaze, looking a little mortified, “I haven’t... done _any_ of this before. I...I never…”

He stopped, jaw clenching tightly. Harry could hardly believe it, “ _Never_?”

Severus winced and confirmed quietly, with great shame, “Never.”

Harry murmured softly, “Oh, Severus…”

He reached out, stroking gentle fingers through Severus’s hair soothingly, “It is hard to believe I could be the first to love you, but it is an honor and a gift.”

Severus raised a hand, placing it over the bulge in Harry’s pants, “I understand the basic mechanics, but I have no practice. If I make a mistake, please do not hesitate to correct me.”

Harry nearly groaned. He replied lowly, “You can’t do anything wrong, Severus.”

Severus slowly unbuttoned Harry’s pants then drew them down past his hips. He paused and stared at Harry’s erection for just a moment before running gentle fingers down the length and gripping the base. He pressed a kiss to the head then sucked it into his mouth, bobbing his head in the same way Harry had. Harry tightened his hands in Severus’s hair and murmured, “Yes, just like that.”

Severus’s black eyes met his own, vulnerable and eager and hungry. Harry breathed, “Don’t look away... a little faster now, I’m _so close._ ” 

He guided Severus’s head, rocking his hips a little bit. He came with a shudder and a broken gasp. Severus choked a bit but swallowed. Harry drew him up with a slow smile, his breath coming more evenly now. Severus wiped his mouth self-consciously and questioned, “Was that alright?”

“That was _outstanding_ ,” Harry insisted happily.

Harry kissed Severus softly then he redid his own pants and he said, “We need to make this a regular thing, I think.”

He winked at Severus and turned towards the door. The man nodded and replied, “Absolutely. Every other week perhaps.”

Harry froze then his head whipped back around so fast it hurt, “What?”

Severus smirked at him, eyes shining, and Harry chuckled, rolling his own eyes, “Yes, you’re _very_ funny.”

“I have a very busy schedule,” Severus insisted convincingly, in a low drawling tone. “I do not have much time for you.”

Harry stepped close once more and grabbed Severus’s thin waist, then yanked him close. He gripped Severus’s hair again and pulled Severus’s head to the side so he could kiss Severus’s throat. Severus gasped raggedly, submitting immediately. Harry had learned weeks ago that Severus’s neck was especially sensitive and since then he’d taken full advantage of the weakness at every opportunity. Harry purred against Severus’s skin, “Oh, but you’ll _make_ time, won’t you, Severus? You’ll _always_ make time for _me_.”

Severus whispered breathily, “Always, Dominic.”

The sincerity and hidden weight in Severus’s simple answer caught Harry off guard. He released Severus’s hair and looked at the other man. He smiled when he saw the open adoration clear in Severus’s dark eyes. He kissed Severus again, sweetly this time and on the lips.

After, Harry reached up and ran his fingers over Severus’s hair one last time, in order to smooth the ruffled strands. He said quietly, “All teasing aside... I do hope I’ll see be able to see you tonight. I love spending time with you, even if we only spend that time grading papers.”

“I agree,” Severus replied quietly. “Your rooms or mine?” 

“Your choice.”


	5. Chapter 5

Harry had been on his way downstairs to Severus’s rooms when Mopsy the house elf popped into existence on the stair directly in front of him. Harry tripped over himself in an effort not to crush her. He would have fallen down the stairs and probably would have broken his neck if the house elf hadn’t used her magic to stop him and set him back on his feet. It would have been a tragically ironic end for the Boy Who Lived.

Mopsy’s shrill dismay and endless apologies and self-recriminations were painfully amplified in the stairwell. Harry tried to speak but Mopsy was too loud, so he knelt down and pressed a finger over her mouth. She stared up at him with her huge, tearful grey eyes. Harry said, “It’s fine, Mopsy, calm down. You saved me and I’m perfectly fine. What’s going on? Why were you looking for me?”

He dropped his hand and waited while Mopsy took a few huge breaths to calm herself. Finally the pitiful little creature said, “Headmaster needs to see Mister Wake immediately.”

Harry kept his face carefully blank so as not to reveal his sudden irritation - he didn’t want Mopsy to start crying again. He said, “I see. I assume it’s urgent so I’ll head right up then. Thank you, Mopsy.”

It had _better_ be urgent.

The last time Albus had called Harry to his office for an ‘urgent’ matter, it had been to tell Harry about how Hermione and Ron had just had their first baby - an adorable little girl by the name of Rose. Wasn’t Harry sorry to have missed such an occasion? Didn’t Harry want to reconsider his selfish decision not to see any of the people who cared about him? Hermione and Ron missed him _terribly_ … Was what Albus had said anyways.

Harry didn’t doubt it was true but he also knew Hermione and Ron had each other and their families. They might miss him but they didn’t _need_ him and he doubted very much that _he_ was at the forefront of their thoughts on the day of their child’s birth. Harry was happy for them, certainly, but he hated Albus for trying to guilt him into becoming Harry Potter again. It wasn’t ever going to happen, but Albus kept trying, at least once a month.

Harry hurried up to the Headmaster’s Office only because he was eager to get it over with and get downstairs to Severus, who was expecting him.

Albus was sitting at his desk with his hands steepled in front of him and a grave expression on his face. Harry was seized by an unexpected and terrible fear now - fear that one of his loved ones had died. Harry stepped forward quickly, ignoring the pain in his chest, “What’s happened?”

He knew he would never be free of death. He knew that the day would eventually come when more of the people he loved would die and, this time, it wouldn’t be through any fault of his own. That didn’t mean he was prepared for it.

He’d given them all up but he loved them still.

Albus said, “H- _Dominic_ … please take a seat.”

He was incapable of addressing Harry by his real name because of the unbreakable vow he had sworn to Harry. His tone was as serious as his expression. The fact that he did not offer tea or lemon drops was also intensely concerning. Harry was glad to sit down because he felt as if he might be sick.

“I have asked you to come here because your inappropriate relationship with Professor Snape has been brought to my attention.”

Harry had a moment of acute relief because these words meant no one had died, but then that relief became fury. How dare Albus call him here like this for such a reason?

Harry gritted out, “Relationships between staff members are _not_ against the rules. Therefore, I don’t understand why you would think it is any of your damn business.”

“Language, Ha- _Dominic_ ,” Albus replied disapprovingly.

Harry worked his jaw and ground his teeth, resisting the urge to reply with a ‘fuck you’ and storm out of the office. Albus continued, “I intend to amend the rules. I have allowed you a great deal of leniency but this is something I never thought you capable of. I have never known you to be cruel and this is great and perverse cruelty indeed. I know you hate Professor Snape but your determination to enact your vengeance upon him is beyond toleration. You are going to destroy the man and I won’t see it done.”

Harry’s fury was all-consuming. The delicate instruments in the room were vibrating ominously, like a snake’s warning. Harry whispered, “It is not vengeance. If you change the rules, I will break them and I don’t think you’re prepared to fire me. You’d rather see Severus entirely broken than risk me slipping out of your sphere of influence once more. If I’m as evil as you say, who knows what I’ll get up to on my own?”

Albus looked angry now too, “Why are you so set upon this path? Is this truly what you came back to do? Destroy Professor Snape? How will that make you happy?”

Harry truly could not believe that Albus thought he was capable of such petty awfulness. Albus believed Harry had given up everything - for what, to hurt Severus? It was so far from the truth Harry could barely comprehend what Albus was saying.

If it hadn’t even crossed Albus’s mind that Harry could actually be in love with Severus, then Harry decided he really didn’t _want_ to assuage Albus’s fears. Maybe Albus would eventually realize the truth or maybe he wouldn’t. In this moment, Harry was willing to let the old man die thinking the worst of the situation.

Albus professed to care about Severus’s wellbeing, but in his heart of hearts, Albus didn’t believe Severus was worthy of anyone’s love and certainly not Harry’s.

Harry hated him for that and he wanted to hurt him. The instruments in the room had ceased to rattle. Everything was utterly quiet and still.

Harry smiled a truly ugly smile and he said quietly, “From the very beginning, you knew _exactly_ what sort of people the Dursleys were. You knew how they would hate me and you at least suspected how they would treat the freakish child they were charged with.”

Albus went white as a sheet and it seemed as though he had ceased to breathe. Harry leaned forward and continued, _almost_ gently, “It suited you just fine, because you knew that my upbringing would ensure that I would be _grateful_ for any small kindness given to me in the future. You wanted me to be grateful to you, so that I could be more easily manipulated. I was never valuable to you, in and of myself. All you ever cared about, was keeping me alive for that final battle where I was _supposed_ to die. You destroyed me more thoroughly than anyone and yet you have the fucking nerve to talk about _my_ _great and perverse cruelty_?”

Harry’s false smile finally fell away. He said slowly and emphatically, “ _You_ _c_ an go _fuck_ yourself _,_ Albus Dumbledore _._ ”

Harry stood and left the room without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

One day Harry had an idea for a teaching collaboration with Severus. As enthusiastic as Harry had been to make the idea a reality, Severus had been equally opposed. He’d required _a lot_ of convincing, but eventually Harry wore him down. When Severus finally realized how important it was to Harry, he’d sighed and agreed to give it a try. Severus made absolutely no promises beyond a single trial class but Harry had been thrilled.

It was going to be an unprecedented combined-class event. The scheduling took some finagling but eventually Harry managed to _make_ it work. During lunch hour on the day of, Harry expanded his classroom temporarily to accommodate twice the usual number of occupants.

Now fifth year students from all four houses were starting to make their way into Harry’s freshly expanded classroom. They were so excited they were generating an excessive level of noise and it was quickly becoming rather chaotic. Severus muttered to Harry under his breath, “I want you to remember that you asked for this.”

“ _Begged_ for it, more like,” Harry replied cheerfully.

Severus rolled his eyes, “Yes, well, this is your circus, Professor Wake. I’ll leave it to you to get the little fiends under control. If you can.”

Harry chuckled, “You _underestimate_ me.”

Harry cast a silencing charm over the lot of them. Severus’s gaze flickered briefly with surprise and then he glared at Harry reprovingly, entirely unimpressed.

Harry, however, was completely unrepentant and the fifth year students just accepted it - at this point in the year, they were well accustomed to his underhanded and often unorthodox teaching tactics. Many of them had even come to appreciate it. There were more than a few grins in the crowd and he everyone’s rapt attention. 

Harry said, “I’m glad you’re all just as excited as I am! Let’s jump right in shall we? There are many overlapping concepts between different magical subjects and specializations. Defense Against the Dark Arts is the best example of this because there are plenty of things you’ve learned in your other classes that have defensive and offensive applications. Like transfiguring a monster into some harmless creature or, from a strategical standpoint, predicting your enemies’ future tactics with arthmancy.”

Harry started to pace slowly. He waved his hand to remove the silencing charm as he continued, “What about potions? Let’s be creative! There are so many more possibilities beyond healing and poisoning. Any ideas, Wilkins?”

The squat Hufflepuff boy paused for just a second before offering, “Strengthening potions, sir?”

“Yes! Matheson, what else?”

“Ah,” The shy, dark-skinned Ravenclaw squeaked, “Perhaps a, uh, _corrosive_ potion like Devil’s Spit, sir?”

“Yes! Five points to Ravenclaw for referencing a specific potion by its proper name. Who else wants five points for their house? Let’s try to impress Professor Snape with how much you remember from his class.”

He cast a playful look at Severus only to find that the other man’s gaze was fixed firmly upon him, as if Severus wasn’t aware of anything else in the room. Harry smiled at him and Severus quickly looked away, listening as the students all scrambled to name any potions they remembered that might have a defensive or offensive application. Harry gave away fifty points in increments of five to the students with the ten best ideas he heard.

Harry awarded an extra ten points to Slytherin because Cecilia Claris said Amortentia could be used to turn enemies into espionage assets. Harry thought she was a credit to her house and Severus seemed quite proud of her as well.

Severus then took over and gave the students a short lesson on lesser known potions with tried and true potential for use during battle. He listed many potions but one of Harry’s favorites was Lorcan’s Tonic, which could be used to give a person increased agility. It served to make the person a hard target to hit and also resulted in substantially faster spell work. Harry had used that particular potion _often_ during the war.

Another favorite was a potion called Medusa’s Tears, which could aerosolized and placed into a delayed release trap. When activated, the gas would turn skin into stone. Harry had seen what was left of people after the gas dispersed. It left behind some rather eerie scenes. Some would argue that it was cruel and maybe even unfair or dishonorable, but Harry thought it was significantly less awful than losing good men and women in a ‘fair fight.’

Harry was pleased to see that the students’ interest did not wain as Severus spoke - Harry had always thought Severus was under-appreciated as a teacher. The man was an accomplished orator and his deep voice wove positively captivating descriptions.

In Harry’s opinion, Severus really didn’t do enough lecturing in his lower-level classes. Harry knew though that it was mostly because Severus felt potions were an art form that had to be appreciated to be fully understood. Severus thought he was wasting his time with the younger students, who usually had a hard time paying attention and taking potions seriously. He had to spend most of his time supervising and implementing corrective actions.

When Severus concluded his explanation his black eyes were shining and his passion for his subject was clear. Harry _loved_ seeing Severus like this.

Harry firmly reminded himself of the young and impressionable students present. Severus would be upset if Harry forgot himself after promising to behave. Harry cleared his throat and said, “Professor Snape and I have brewed a collection of non-lethal potions for you. There are enough for each of you to take six vials. We’re going to have a small dueling competition and I’d like for you to utilize the potions you’ll have on hand. Winner gets a flask of Lorcan’s Tonic and forty points for their house.”

Severus and Harry used their wands to summon the crates of potion vials from the store room and there was a bit of a scurry as the students looked through and selected their potions. They sometimes had to unstopper vials to smell them in order to try to identify them, because none of the vials were labeled.

Severus had said they should all be able to recognize the potions, since they’d made them in his class. Harry had laughed because he knew that the reality would be much different than what Severus hoped, but he let Severus have his way. Harry knew that if the students couldn't properly identify all of the potions then it would at least make things interesting.

Sure enough, Marius Rodriguez downed a full vial of a potion meant to create a smoke screen - obviously thinking it was something other than what it was. Rodriguez was from Severus’s house and Harry had practically cackled when the boy had started coughing out great bellows of smoke in the middle of his duel. It was a shame because Rodriguez was one of the best duelers amongst the fifth years.

Severus had just sighed, in a long-suffering way, and snapped an order at the boy to hold his breath and make his way up to the infirmary. Then Severus had instructed the students to begin the next duel and he’d glared at Harry until Harry managed to stopped chuckling. Harry whispered, “Don’t be mad, Sev, I know he disappointed you but even _you_ have to admit that dragon impression was bloody hilarious.”

Harry briefly twisted his face in a mimicry of Rodriguez’s expression. He scowled then opened his mouth wide enough to show all his teeth and crossed his eyes too. He faked a cough. Severus’s lips twitched slightly in the way that meant he was trying very hard not to smile. He needn’t have worried about ruining his carefully cultivated image though, because everyone’s attention was on the duel in progress.

It was indeed a spectacle. Fiona Bloom had hair rapidly growing all over her body and she couldn’t even see at this point but she was still wildly casting spells at Aaima Kapoor, who was covered in boils as big as snitches. It was a good thing the dueling wards were firmly in place. Harry wondered how it was possible for things to have gone so wrong so fast. Harry wasn’t sure if they’d thrown potions at each other or if they’d ingested the potions or if maybe it was some combination of those two possibilities.

In the end, Cecilia Claris won the competition. She was definitely a force to be reckoned with. Harry was constantly impressed by her.

Harry was rather disappointed in the Gryffindors, though. It was painfully clear that they needed to pay more attention in Severus’s classes. Especially since many of them had told Harry that they wanted to be Aurors one day. Maybe this was the kick in the pants they needed in order to start taking potions more seriously.

As for the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, they were all creative and intelligent enough to put up a good fight but most of them lacked the unfettered aggression and cunning sort of wit needed in order to win overall. Harry hoped they had all learned at least a few things they could use in the future.

Harry dismissed the class when he realized that they were not only out of time but actually half an hour past when the students should have been let go. Everyone hung around anyways, chatting excitedly and helping to clean up. Harry didn’t want to pat himself on the back but he thought the class had been a resounding success and he could tell Severus thought so too.

Occasionally combining classes like this just made sense really. Combining different subjects challenged the students and encouraged them to think both critically and creatively.

“Professor Wake, did you ever see Harry Potter during the war?” Wilkins asked unexpectedly, startling Harry out of his thoughts.

Silence spread quickly and Harry could tell that this was a question that everyone desperately wanted to hear the answer to. All of his students seemed to be waiting with baited breath. They were hopeful for some scrap of information about the most famous wizard in their world. He supposed Harry Potter was something of a role model for the children, especially when they were learning how to fight and imagining themselves fighting in an actual battle. He should be surprised no one had asked the question _before_ now. After all, the school year would be over in just a few more months. He’d made it much longer than he’d expected to without being asked about Harry Potter. He’d been lulled into a false sense of security and now he’d been caught unprepared.

He understood well enough why the topic would come up but it was still unpleasant and uncomfortable for him. He’d had some thoughts at the beginning of the year about what he would say in this situation but now he was no longer sure. Should he lie to them and preserve their idealistic imaging of a person who didn’t actually exist? Maybe, but he didn’t believe in protecting children with lovely lies. Should he tell them he’d never met Harry Potter? He’d hesitated too long now for _that_ to be believable.

“I met him,” Harry said, against his better judgement. The children’s eyes widened and there was a brief bout of excited murmuring before they fell silent once more, eagerly awaiting details. He felt Severus’s gaze weighing heavily on him but he did not look at the other man.

“He wasn’t like you’re imagining. He was just a scrawny kid.” Harry said quietly, staring at the back wall and meeting no one’s gaze. “He did the best he could under the circumstances but it was wrong for the wizarding world to expect so much from him. They should have tried to save themselves but instead they pinned all of their hopes for salvation on some obscure prophecy. He was just… a really unlucky and really unhappy kid.”

Harry had to clear his throat, because it felt like there was a lump in it now. Everyone in the room was silent. He glanced at Severus and found that the man was indeed watching him, with an unreadable expression. Harry looked away and continued, “Against all odds, he managed to save us all and he had to kill a lot of people to do it. It really shouldn’t be romanticized. In fact, I think we owe it to him to let him find whatever peace he is able to. Please don’t ask me about him again.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Wilkens whispered quietly, his overly round cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Harry waved his hand and forced a grin, “Oh, no need for that. Thank you all for helping to clean up and for your exemplary efforts today. If you’d like more classes like this, be sure to let Professor Snape and myself know.”

The students reluctantly filed out, whispering to each other about Harry Potter. Harry walked over to Severus and said lowly, “Perhaps we should head over to my office so we can speak privately? Whenever Harry Potter is brought up it never fails to upset you and I think it’s past time that we talked about it. I’d like to know why he bothers you so much. He shouldn’t have the power to ruin your good mood after all this time.”

Harry placed a hand gently on Severus’s arm.

“Don’t,” Severus said as he quickly pulled away. His black eyes flicked towards at the last of the students on their way out, to see if they’d seen. They hadn’t.

Harry frowned at Severus’s behavior and he said, “My office. Now.” 

Severus seemed reluctant but Harry’s tone allowed no room for argument.


	7. Chapter 7

They walked out of the classroom together, Severus trailing just a little behind Harry. Several fifth year female students were gathered at the end of the hallway, chit-chatting. Harry didn’t think anything of it until he heard Felicity Morgan saying, “I’ll never understand why Professor Wake spends so much of his time with Snape. How can they even stand each other? They’re as different as night and day!”

“I know! Professor Wake is just absolutely _dreamy_ and Snape is a _nightmare_ ,” Olivia Bartley agreed, in a perfectly insipid tone. The other girls laughed and added in their own idiotic remarks.

Harry was momentarily taken aback then he looked at Severus. Severus looked pissed off but not surprised at all - he gave Harry a look that seemed to say, ‘I told you so.’

Harry wanted to scream. Why the hell did _everyone_ always think so little of Severus Snape and so highly of Harry? Neither of them deserved the extreme praise or criticism that plagued them.

Harry snarled, “You lot, detention with Mister Filch tonight. Thirty points from Gryffindor, twenty from Hufflepuff, and ten from Ravenclaw. That’s ten from each of you, for disrespect of a professor. If I hear any of you saying such rot again, about _any_ staff member, it’ll be detention for a week. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. For Merlin’s sake, Professor Snape is a _war hero_.”

Harry could have gushed on for an hour or more about how amazing Severus was… but he managed to refrain. The girls regarded him with huge eyes and pitiful expressions then they glanced resentfully at Severus before mumbling apologies in the direction of their shoes.

Harry saw the looks they gave Severus and he wanted to hex them all until they could apologize and actually sound sorry. Instead he stormed past and kicked open the door to his office. He stomped over towards his desk, dropped into his seat, and pressed his fist to his mouth. His breath hissed out slowly with barely repressed fury. Severus walked in behind him and closed the door. Harry dropped his fist to the desk and demanded, “What will it take to get them to change their minds about you? You were absolutely _wonderful_ in class today!”

Harry jumped up from his chair with a huff, unable to sit still. Severus watched Harry warily for a few moments while Harry paced and fumed then he said, “I have told you before, Dominic. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. I make no effort to be well-liked. I _expect_ the children to dislike me. I am not sure why it bothers you so much.”

Harry threw up his hands, “Are you kidding me? I’m in love with you, Severus, so why the hell wouldn’t it bother me to hear you wrongfully and unfairly devalued? You deserve so much more than hateful words and mistrust and disrespect. It’s unbearable! I bring you in to teach a joint class on a fascinating subject and the little wankers still talk about you afterwards like you’re some kind of-!”

“You realize those girls are all hopelessly infatuated with you, do you not?” Severus interjected quietly.

Harry whipped around, “What are you talking about? No they aren’t!”

Severus smiled at Harry, his gaze betraying great and profound fondness, “Dominic, _of course_ they are. As irritating as it is, I can hardly blame them. I cannot even really be jealous, when it’s so very obvious that you are utterly oblivious to any of it.”

Harry floundered for a moment then sighed and sat down at his desk, completely out of steam. He muttered, “It’s still no excuse for them to be so hateful.”

Severus sat down in his usual chair across from Harry, “Your valiant and tireless defense of my honor is not unappreciated.”

His dry humor made Harry snort and he cast Severus an amused look. Then he frowned and said, “Are you so insistent about not letting anyone find out about our relationship because you’re worried what they’ll say?”

Severus placed his hands on Harry’s desk, palms up. Harry paused then placed his hands over Severus’s. Severus squeezed Harry’s hands gently and admitted quietly, “Partly, yes.”

Harry scowled, but before he could lose his head again Severus continued, “My relationship with you is the most important aspect of my life and I wish to keep it between us in order to protect it. I think that the opinions of others would cause us both a great deal of unnecessary stress. I prefer to keep my private life private, so no one can use you against me.”

“That’s such a Slytherin thing to say,” Harry muttered, but he wasn’t upset anymore.

Severus must have been able to tell that Harry’s mood had lightened because he smiled slightly. He squeezed Harry’s hands once more before withdrawing and straightening in his chair. Harry called Dobby and requested afternoon tea - some soothing chamomile and chocolate pastries.

He hadn’t forgotten his initial reasons for wanting to speak to Severus privately but now he was hesitant to do so. It suddenly felt like bad timing. He shouldn’t talk about Harry Potter with Severus so soon after such an upset. He resolved not to bring it up after all.

Immediately after Harry had reached this conclusion in his own mind, Severus surprised him by saying, “I know you wanted to talk about Harry Potter and I… agree with you. I am concerned that you may have figured out that he was the person I was comparing you to, early in our relationship.”

Harry blinked at Severus then said carefully, “Ah, well, yes… I _had_ thought that… but I really never expected to hear you say so.”

It was perfectly unnerving to hear Severus say outright that he thought Harry and Dominic were similar. Severus sighed and he said, “Potter was… well, you must know that nearly everyone loved him. However, I couldn’t help but hate him.”

“I’m not liking this comparison so much anymore,” Harry said, his voice strained.

Severus shook his head, “No it’s… it was mostly positive traits that I thought you two had in common, Dominic.”

“You don’t _have_ to tell me why you hate him, Severus, it’s fine. I know thinking about him bothers you and that’s enough for me,” Harry insisted desperately.

Severus paused then said, “No, I think you need to understand _why_ I hate him. You don’t see him the way I do and you’ll think less of me if you cannot understand why I feel this way. Potter wasn’t perfect, like everyone thought. He had the worst hero complex I have ever seen. Yes, the wizarding world burdened him with their foolish hopes, but Potter was foolish enough to believe that he truly was the only one who could save _everyone_. He didn’t rely on anyone. He would charge headlong into danger and leave his comrades scrambling to back him up so he didn’t get himself killed. He thought he could save everyone and he attempted to do so, irregardless of the cost to himself or to others. He was powerful but not invincible and he did not acknowledge that. He also never recognized his value as more than a soldier - he was the symbol that everyone rallied behind but he shirked that responsibility whenever possible.”

Harry vehemently wanted to deny what Severus was saying. He wrestled with himself for a moment then managed to say calmly and quietly, “I didn’t see that, myself.”

Severus remained intent on convincing Harry to see his side of things, as if Severus couldn’t bear for Harry to think he was just being petty and horrible, “Many people were killed because of him that didn’t _need_ to die! He was foolish, short-sighted, selfish and _spoiled_! If he’d stopped just once to think before acting, everyone would have been better off for it. He did the best he could, I suppose, but it wasn’t good enough. Not by far. He let his fame go to his head and he wouldn’t listen to anyone who knew better. He survived by luck more than skill. He could afford to be careless because he had competent people supporting him but now most of them are _dead_.”

Harry thought he was going to be sick. His vision was darkening around the edges and he regretted ever wanting to know what Severus truly thought about Harry Potter. Why had he pushed the issue? Why had he let things come to this?

Harry could feel that he was on the verge of completely losing control. His guilt was overtaking him and his occlumency was failing him. The guilt was strangling him, with invisible fingers made of lead. It was so difficult to keep breathing normally when he felt like he was suffocating.

For Harry, the road that led to abject despair _always_ began with guilt. He stood up quickly, knocking over his chair, and he growled, “Get out.”

Severus looked shocked and wounded, “Dominic, what… I-I’m sorry, perhaps I shouldn’t have-”

“I said get out!” Harry shouted. He was not in any state of mind to acknowledge Severus’s hurt or his attempt to apologize. He needed Severus to leave _immediately_.

Severus stood and moved to leave, moving much too slowly. He cast a single look back when he reached the door. His regret was clear and so was the unspoken plea in his eyes, but Harry kept his own expression hard and unyielding. Severus dropped his gaze and shut the door quietly behind him.

It wasn’t a moment too soon. Harry activated the emergency contingency he’d written into his personal wards around his office and his other rooms - he felt the wards triple in strength, drawing power from the wards of Hogwarts itself. He felt a faint flicker of relief, that at least he wouldn’t endanger anyone. Then his pain rapidly eclipsed all else.

‘ _He did the best he could, I suppose, but it wasn’t good enough. Not by far.’_

A sob escaped him and then he couldn’t stop crying. His magic lashed out wildly, destroying everything within the office. He knew what was happening but he couldn’t control it at all. He felt an overwhelming sense of panic and an entirely irrational sense of impending doom.

‘ _He could afford to be careless because he had competent people supporting him but now most of them are_ dead _.’_

Gods, Severus was right, he was _right about everything_. No matter how hard Harry tried, people died and they died because of Harry - _for_ Harry, even. Harry choked on his grief and his guilt.

‘ _Many people were killed because of him that didn’t_ need _to die!’_

 _Harry_ should be dead instead. He _wanted_ to be dead instead.

Yet, here he was, alive and trying to carve out some sort of selfish happiness for himself by lying to the the man he loved. Who was he to think he was worthy of _any_ happiness when so many people were dead?

Worse still, hadn’t he hurt Severus just now? For the simple reason that he’d felt himself losing control and he couldn’t _trust_ himself? He’d been trying to protect Severus’s body but he’d wounded Severus’s heart. What right did Harry have to hold that precious heart in his filthy, bloodstained hands?

There was actual blood on Harry’s hands now but this time it was his own and that, at least, seemed right.

Harry’s magic wanted to _destroy_ him. It was burning and freezing him, cutting him up and tearing him apart. All at once. He curled up on the floor, struggling just to keep breathing until he finally lost consciousness.

The war had never actually ended, it’d just continued on beneath his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Harry. I’m sorry for the dark and dramatic end to this chapter. There was no way that they could talk about Harry Potter in any kind of depth without things ending badly. Harry and Severus will make amends in the next chapter, I promise.
> 
> I think that Harry has experienced many traumatic events in his life and it’s unrealistic to expect him to just be perfectly okay now that everything is over. PTSD is particularly awful for witches and wizards. They can be locked away so as not to hurt others but there’s no way of protecting them from their own magic. Harry could have the painful memories removed, yes, but Harry chooses to use occlumency to manage things instead. He knows it’s not healthy but there’s a part of him that believes he deserves to carry the guilt and pain for the rest of his life. 
> 
> He made a lot of progress in the two years he was away and he’s been trying very hard to move on and cling to his reason to live. However, he still struggles with the nagging belief that he deserves to be punished for the mistakes he made during the war and occasionally he has incidents like this one where he sort of falls to pieces. As you read, he prepared appropriately for that eventuality with complicated warding. 
> 
> It doesn’t look good right now but he’ll put himself back together again and keep trying.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry woke slowly. There was a sound that might have been someone knocking on his office door but he ignored it. His body felt heavy and achy but a quick inspection of himself told Harry that he was fully healed.

His magic acted separately from his will sometimes, as if it had a mind of its own. When unprovoked by his errant emotions, its natural inclination was to heal him rather than hurt him. In Harry’s past experience with these kinds of breakdowns, whenever he would finally lose consciousness he would always wake up healed.

He could feel his magic filling the confines of the still-active wards and thickening the air. He knew that it was an extension of himself but without his conscious direction, it behaved almost like a child or maybe a puppy. His magic moved in currents and eddies. It danced around him and even nudged at him, as if eager to be acknowledged. Magic, in Harry’s experience, could be infinitely fickle and strange.

It’d healed him without prompting, after tearing him apart.

The _room_ was still a disaster though and right now it was a very clear and painful reminder of Harry’s most recent and spectacular failure. He used his occlumency to derail that particular train of thought and he was satisfied when he was successful. He was calm now and he was the master of his mind once more.

It was not constructive to spend time mulling over things he could not change - he’d learned _that_ the hard way.

Harry closed his eyes to block out the scene around him. He recalled a memory to the forefront of his mind, focusing on how everything had looked previously instead of how things looked now. His magic ruffled his hair as it worked itself up into a chaotic whirl. He waited until things calmed down, then when he opened his eyes again he found that everything had been mended and set to right once more.

He started to move then realized his clothes were laying on him in tattered, stained ribbons. He mended his clothes and cast a few cleansing charms too.

After he was finally done, he breathed in deeply, drawing his magic back into his core. The room without his magic was comparatively dim and cooler as well. Even the consistency of the air was markedly different.

The knocking came again, more insistent now. Harry glared at the door and he slowly pushed himself up from the floor. His legs wobbled when he got his feet underneath him but he used a bit of magic to stabilize himself.

“ _Mischief Managed!”_ He spoke aloud, cancelling the emergency warding.

The door promptly burst open and Severus Snape stood in the doorway. The man’s appearance gave Harry a vague idea of how long he had been unconscious. It felt like he had only seen Severus several minutes ago but the man was wearing different robes now - still black but in a slightly different style. Severus looked as if he hadn’t slept at all, perhaps not in several days.

Severus looked a little taken aback now that the door was actually open. He was staring rather blankly at Harry and he didn’t seem to know what to say. He looked Harry up and down then looked around the office. His expression was pinched with suspicion.

Harry noticed that Severus’s wand was in his hand, as if he’d been trying to force the door open. For all Harry knew, perhaps he _had_ been. Any attempts would have only made the warding stronger. The wards were partially parasitic in design. They had to be in order to withstand the relentless barrage of Harry’s magic.

Harry gave Severus a curious look and asked mildly, “Are you alright, Severus?”

His casual words provoked Severus into immediate and explosive fury. He glared at Harry fiercely and spat, “Don’t pretend _innocence_! This door has been sealed since Friday evening and I _know_ you’ve been in here the entirety of that time, locked behind wards - the _likes_ of which I’ve _never_ seen! You’re wearing the same clothes for gods’ sake! It’s been two full days! The house elves couldn’t even get in so I _know_ you haven’t eaten!”

So it was Sunday night then, Harry noted thoughtfully, grateful that Severus had unerringly given him the approximate time and day - Harry had really had no idea. He was glad he hadn’t missed any classes, at least.

Once he’d been unconscious for a week and a half. So far, that was his personal record and he hadn’t come close to beating it in quite a while. He hoped that shorter recovery times meant he was doing better these days.

Harry opened his mouth to try to tell Severus to calm down but the man kept right on talking. Severus came inside and slammed the door behind him, looking about the room with his wand still in hand.

“What have you been _doing_ in here all that time? Why wouldn’t you answer your door? The _only_ reason I didn’t go to Albus for his assistance was because you wouldn’t have been able to maintain such wards if you were seriously injured or- _dead!”_ Severus’s voice broke unexpectedly then he quickly demanded, “ _Explain_ yourself!”

Harry raised both brows now, “Well, I had every intention of doing that, as soon as you _let_ me, Severus.”

Severus looked incensed but he pressed his lips together in a very thin line. Harry walked over to his desk and sat down. He was very weak and his muscles were trembling. He knew he needed to eat soon.

“Would you mind if I had dinner brought up?” Harry questioned hopefully. “Have you eaten?”

Severus’s expression twisted immediately and he raised his wand. Harry hastily held up his hands, “Okay, okay, never mind, sorry I even brought it up.”

“Just tell me what happened!” Severus insisted, with the faintest hint of desperation now. “I… I _know_ I made a mistake in speaking of… in speaking the way I did and as harshly as I did. I truly didn’t mean to upset you and I am immensely sorry for it but surely you won’t end our… _relationship_ over a single - a _single_ difference in opinion.”

Harry felt a stab of pain, hearing how deeply upset Severus was and knowing that the man believed Harry might actually forsake him - merely for being honest about how he felt about the Boy Who Lived. Severus’s words served to quickly clear the remaining haze from Harry’s thoughts.

Harry knew the words he chose next would be very important so he spoke as gently and sincerely as he was able, “Severus, when I say that I am in love with you, I mean it in the most profound way possible. I promise you, the only way you’ll _ever_ be rid of me is if you wish to be.”

He saw an abatement of the hurt in Severus’s eyes and the lines of stress in Severus’s expression eased as well. His gaze softened and Harry could tell that his words had gotten through to the man. Harry continued quietly, “It wasn’t _you_ who made a mistake, it was me. You see, I suffer from something muggles would call post-traumatic stress disorder. I think in the wizarding world uses significantly older terminology though - shell shock or Soldier’s Heart, maybe? I should have explained it to you before now but I… I really wanted to keep it to myself. I was - I _am_ ashamed.”

Harry saw a flicker of comprehension in Severus’s keen gaze and he knew that Severus understood what he was talking about. Other emotions were visible as well - the foremost being alarm and intense concern for Harry. Severus stepped forward quickly and knelt beside Harry’s chair, raising his wand and casting a diagnostic charm. His expression grew grim as he read the results and he murmured, “You _need_ to eat.”

Harry smiled an amused half smile, “I _know_ , Severus.”

Severus frowned at him but he was too worried now to be harsh. Severus called Mopsy and instructed the little house elf to bring them dinner at once. The house elf quickly obliged and then Severus instructed her to bring a few potions from his personal stores as well. Harry didn’t bother arguing - Severus was trying to take care of him and Harry was grateful. He took the potions without any complaints, even though they were all singularly disgusting in their own unique and awful ways.

Harry felt much improved afterwards, though still famished. Severus stood and took a seat across from him, in the same chair he’d been sitting in before Harry’s unscheduled break from reality. Severus said, “No more talking until after you’ve eaten. That combination of potions should help you keep things down, so you should eat as much as you are able. You will also drink that _entire_ pitcher of water before I leave. You are dangerously dehydrated.”

Harry smiled and drained his first glass of water. Severus used his wand to refill it as Harry moved on to devouring what was on his plate. He didn’t even care what he was putting in his mouth. It all tasted delicious.

Severus watched him for a minute then spoke again, “Keep eating, but listen to me. Am I correct in assuming that talking about war and death caused you to have… some kind of harmful _episode_?”

Harry nodded, avoiding Severus’s gaze. Severus nodded too but slowly, seeming thoughtful. After a brief pause Severus continued, “You’ve had similar experiences in the past. That’s why you created your wards the way you did.”

Harry nodded again, putting more food in his mouth and chewing mechanically. He was scanning and re-enforcing his mental boundaries carefully as Severus spoke to him. His occlumency was holding strong, as if it’d never failed him. Severus continued, “I know you’ve spoken of the war before, in your classes and with me as well. Was there anything in particular I said to trigger this incident? Is the specific individual I was talking about relevant or just a coincidence?”

Harry looked up from his plate and frowned at Severus. Severus waved his hand, “Never mind for now, keep eating.”

Harry rolled his eyes then swallowed and said, “Severus, I’ve eaten _plenty._ I’m feeling perfectly restored to good health. I can talk to you now and still keep eating. You should eat too - I imagine you haven’t been taking care of yourself either.”

Severus shook his head, “I am not hungry.”

Harry sighed and set down his fork. Severus scowled immediately and insisted, “You will keep eating!”

Harry pointed at Severus’s fork and waited expectantly. Severus’s jaw clenched but instead of arguing he grabbed his fork and began eating, very grudgingly. Harry smiled and resumed eating too. Between bites he said, “It’s hard to say what causes it sometimes so you really shouldn’t blame yourself. I was feeling somewhat unstable before we even started talking about Harry Potter. I’m sorry, I really should have just told you. The last thing I want in the world is to hurt you, Severus, but I did… didn’t I?”

He didn’t have to ask. He knew. Severus avoided his gaze and replied, “I merely misinterpreted your behavior. After a few hours, I came back to try to apologize again and I found your office warded the way it was. Initially I thought you’d activated those wards because you did not want to see me, but when the wards were still in place the next day and the following day… well, I became much more worried about _you_ than anything else, Dominic. Now that I know about your condition you should key me into your wards, so that I am capable of assisting you if such an event should occur again in the future.”

“No, that’s absolutely out of the question,” Harry replied, dismissing this idea immediately. It was much too dangerous to even consider.

“Dominic, you must think me very ignorant indeed if you believe I do not understand the seriousness of your condition,” Severus replied with sudden anger. “You put up those wards to protect others but you are not capable of protecting yourself. You magic could have ended your life.”

“I’m not going to risk harming you, Severus. I’m only telling you about it at all because I don’t want to risk hurting your feelings again in another misunderstanding.”

“My feelings!” Severus scoffed, “Dominic, I’d rather live the rest of my life thinking you hate me than see you dead! Have a _little_ _perspective_ , I beg you.”

“Severus, you can’t protect me from my magic any more than I can protect myself,” Harry insisted. The truth was terrible but it _was_ the truth. “So far, things have never escalated to the point where my life is actually in danger. As you can tell, I’m fine now.”

Severus was silent for a moment, staring at him through narrowed eyes. At last he said, “I am accomplished at memory charms and legilimency, I could-”

“No,” Harry replied simply.

“Damn it, Dominic, don’t be _stubborn_ ,” Severus snapped.

“My memories, my choice, Severus. You don’t have to like it but if you care about me, you _will_ accept it. Memory charms are not an option for me.”

Severus looked pained now and Harry knew he had to be feeling helpless. Harry tried to think of something to say to make the other man feel better. Severus’s next words took him completely by surprise.

“Dominic, I may not have ever said it in words as you have, but I hope that you are well aware that I love you _at least_ as much as you profess to love me,” Severus said quietly, with tears in his eyes that he was much too proud to shed. “ _Please_ don’t ask me to stand by and do _nothing_ to help you.”

Harry pushed away his plate, stood and leaned down across the table. He caught Severus’s chin between his fingers and kissed him slowly and deeply, with gentle but thorough passion. He broke the kiss to smile at Severus and whisper, “Severus, you don’t know how much your love _does_ help me. You make me want to keep living.”

Severus stood abruptly and grabbed Harry by the front of his robes, pressing his mouth against Harry’s with an urgency that startled Harry. Severus pushed Harry’s robes over his shoulders and yanked them off, casting them aside. Harry grinned against Severus’s lips and started removing Severus’s clothes too. He cleared his desk with a swipe of his hand, ignoring the sound of plates and glasses breaking against the stone floor. Severus broke away briefly, startled by the noise.

Harry took the opportunity to yank the man over the desk, with a little assistance from his magic. Severus flew over that desk faster than Harry expected, because he’d expected at least a _little_ bit of resistance from Severus. He fell back into his chair and Severus fell on top of him. The chair rocked back and clattered over. Harry hastily slowed their fall but they still ended up on the floor in a tangled pile of limbs.

Harry could only laugh at himself. Severus’s full weight was on top of him and Harry could feel when the other man began to laugh too. Severus pushed himself up on his hands, looking down at Harry with open amusement, “Was this what you were _intending_ to do?”

Harry managed to smother his laughter. He shrugged then gripped Severus’s thighs, which were straddling his own. He slowly slid his hands upwards as he answered, “A happy accident but I’m confident I can make it work for me.”

Severus raised his hand and his wand snapped into his open palm. He got rid of the chair that was trapped awkwardly under Harry and transfigured it into a thick, plush rug instead. It was almost more comfortable than Harry’s bed. Then Severus drug the tip of his wand down the midline of Harry’s chest. He banished the rest of Harry’s clothes and his own too.

All of Severus’s bare skin was against all of Harry’s bare skin. It was better than Harry could have imagined, and he had imagined it so _many_ times before. Severus’s skin was soft and Harry wanted to touch every _inch_ of it. Severus shivered as Harry’s hands moved over his body. Severus set his wand aside distractedly, his eyes bright with desire as he looked at Harry’s body.

Or rather, he was looking at _Dominic’s_ body… Harry shoved the thought aside immediately and locked it away before it could ruin everything. He murmured, “Don’t just stare at me, touch me too.”

That was all the encouragement Severus needed.


	9. Chapter 9

Severus started touching Harry and then it seemed as if his hands were everywhere. It was almost like he needed to touch Harry just as much as Harry needed to touch him. Then suddenly Severus took Harry in hand and attempted to press himself down onto Harry. Harry turned his head away from Severus’s lips immediately. He grabbed Severus’s hips quickly and said breathlessly, “No, Sev, wait- _don’t_ do that!”

Severus’s breaths were coming just as short as Harry’s. He seemed confused and hesitant now, “You do not want me to…?”

Harry gave a little laugh, “You _know_ I do, but you’re going to _hurt_ yourself if you do it like that. Slow down a little, we’ve got plenty of time, right?”

Severus drew in a slow, steadying breath then let it out and sank back on his heels, sitting on Harry’s thighs, “Forgive me if I seem impatient… but I am.”

Severus ran his fingers teasingly up and down the underside of Harry’s shaft - one of the many tricks he’d learned from Harry since they’d been together.

Harry grinned, “It’s our first time. Are you sure you don’t want to draw things out? Maybe move to the bedroom? We could light some candles.”

Severus stopped playing with Harry and glared at him, “I hope you’re joking.”

Harry just smiled up at him and Severus’s irritation melted away. He leaned over and kissed Harry again, softly and slowly. Then he rested his forehead against Harry’s and murmured, “What was I forgetting?”

“Preparation and lubrication, love.”

“Ah yes, but there are _spells_ for that.” Severus replied dismissively.

“Mmhm, and you’ve practiced those spells have you?” Harry replied lowly, with unmistakable interest.

Severus grabbed his wand and pointed it Harry, speaking a string of very specific spells. Harry shivered and laughed, “Damn, that’s cold!”

Harry grabbed Severus’s waist, lifting him up and spreading his own legs to shuffle their respective positions just slightly. Severus’s erection was suddenly pressed directly against Harry’s ass. Severus went rigid and he looked a little uncertain now. It was clear he hadn’t thought Harry would welcome the change in position, much less initiate it, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself now. He said quietly, “Dominic, all teasing aside, I am not confident in this position. You know I’ve never done this…”

Harry gripped Severus’s hips and raised his own hips to align them. He murmured, “All you have to do is push forward now.”

Harry moaned quietly as Severus obeyed. He fell back on his forearms and watched with heavily lidded eyes as Severus figured out how to move. Severus met his gaze briefly then looked away, seeming almost shy. Harry reached up and cupped Severus’s cheek, stroking the strong line of his jaw, “You’re fucking me perfectly, Sev. Don’t worry so much, just do what feels good. I promise you, I love it.”

He slipped his hand down Severus’s back and cast the same spells on Severus as Severus had on Harry, with the _notable_ addition of a warming charm. Severus still shivered and he thrust a little quicker into Harry. Harry pressed a gentle finger into Severus’s ass and found Severus’s prostate, rubbing firmly in time with Severus’s own movements. Severus trembled and gasped, “Dominic… I…”

“I know,” Harry murmured, kissing Severus’s neck now. Severus gasped and he came hard, collapsing on top of Harry. Harry held him close and, unexpectedly, Harry felt the sting of tears in his own eyes. He was careful to keep his face buried in Severus’s neck because he didn’t want Severus to know his happiness was tinged with sadness. He couldn’t even really understand _why_ he was feeling the way he was…

He hadn’t expected to feel _guilty_ after his first time with Severus, but he was. He felt like he was _stealing_ these precious moments, that he was taking something that he didn’t truly have a right to. He felt oddly vulnerable too. He needed Severus so desperately but if Severus ever found out who he really was, he knew he’d lose Severus in an instant. This perfect, happy new life he’d made for himself was infinitely fragile.

“You didn’t even come,” Severus whispered by his ear.

“Oh you’re crazy if you think I’m done with you yet,” Harry replied, forcing a chuckle. 

He rolled them over, changing their positions a final time. He held Severus’s gaze as made love to the man, slowly and smoothly adjusting the angle his strokes until he knew he’d found the right place. If he could make Severus feel good too, didn’t that make it all okay? He was wasn’t being _entirely_ selfish - he was making Severus happy too. That was an important distinction, wasn’t it?

Severus searched Harry’s gaze, seeming vaguely concerned by whatever he saw. Severus asked quietly, “Dominic?”

Harry could see that Severus was having a hard time putting words together, but he must have suspected something was wrong. Harry increased his pace and gripped Severus’s straining cock firmly in hand. Severus shut his eyes, his mouth falling open on a gasp and his expression enraptured.

“I love you so much,” Harry replied with intense and earnest feeling, jerking his hand quickly in time with the movement of his hips. “You’re so beautiful like this.”

He modified his pacing, until he was certain Severus was about to cum again, and then Harry came too - so violently it shocked him and left him feeling weak and dazed.

He pulled out and lay down beside Severus, pulling him close and holding him tightly. It took a long time for their breaths to even out. At long last, Severus asked quietly, “Is it always like that?”

“No, Sev, it’s definitely not,” Harry replied sincerely.

Several long minutes passed then Severus spoke again, “For some reason it feels like the last time. You seem… almost sad and it worries me greatly.”

“Of course, it won’t be the last time!” Harry insisted quickly, his heart squeezing tight in his chest at the thought. “That was the best sex of my life. We _are_ going to do it again, _many_ times. Just probably not tonight, because you’ve absolutely exhausted me. I’ve got nothing left to give. I guess I’m not as young as I once was.”

Severus’s head snapped up and he looked alarmed, “We shouldn’t have had sex at all with you in your condition.”

“Hey now,” Harry said, “You’re going to hurt my feelings, I’m old but I’m not-”

“You know _exactly_ what I’m referring to!”

Harry did know exactly what Severus was referring to - Harry’s fatigue from being unconscious for two days after his breakdown. Now that he was thinking about it, his body _did_ ache something terrible and he was starting to tremble again. He supposed a combination of his magic and adrenaline must have gotten him through until the end.

Severus sat up and said, “I’m staying with you tonight. You’re going to eat again, you’re going to take more potions and then we’re going to bed early.” 

Harry smiled at him, watching as Severus got dressed. He hoped he had many more nights like this to look forward to.


	10. Chapter 10

Somehow, someway, the news got out about them and it managed to make first page news. Because Fate _despised_ Harry. Harry supposed that in lieu of stories about the war, the press was desperate for juicy news stories to keep people buying their papers.

All of the students and even some of the teachers were whispering about the salacious articles. Many people were casting speculative looks at Harry and Severus. Some were staring outright. More than a few girls looked absolutely heartbroken.

The only one who didn’t seem the least bit surprised was Albus Dumbledore. He knew about Harry and Severus’s relationship, of course, _that_ wasn’t the immediate issue. No, the problem was that Albus wasn’t surprised the story had gotten into the _papers_. Harry had the sinking suspicion that _maybe_ the person who had leaked the story to the papers was Albus himself.

He glared at Albus until the man looked his way. Harry’s thunderous expression seemed to give Albus some pause but then the man narrowed his gaze, ever so slightly. His expression said - _‘You left me no choice, Harry.’_

Harry was going to follow him up to his office after breakfast and strangle the man to death with his own beard. Albus knew _exactly_ what kind of obstacles this would create for his relationship with Severus. It was calculated sabotage. Albus obviously hoped that bringing things into the public eye like this would be enough to break them apart.

Based on how negatively Severus was reacting right now, Albus might be right.

Severus’s face was blank but his skin had taken on an ill shade of pallor. His knuckles were white on his utensils but he was refusing to eat. Harry knew the _only_ reason Severus hadn’t left the room was because his pride would never allow him to appear so weak. He would not allow _anyone_ to think he was running away.

Harry was particularly worried though because Severus was refusing to look at _him_.

The titles on the news stories were all similarly awful. One read: ‘ _Ex-Death Eater Severus Snape Involved in Torrid Affair with Popular New DADA Professor at Hogwarts!’_ Another article was embellished with a cracked black heart: _‘Is Ex-Death Eater Severus Snape Even Capable of Love?’_

Harry wondered in askance if it really necessary to constantly put ‘Death Eater’ in front of Severus’s name. They added the ‘Ex’ only because they had to in order to avoid accusations of slander. Severus was right, as far as most people were concerned he would always be a Death Eater.

All anyone really read was that a Death Eater had managed to seduce Hogwart’s new rising star of a teacher - possibly through nefarious Death Eater means. Like illegal love potions or the imperious curse. The speculations were truly wild and ridiculous. To make matters worse, every picture of Dominic Wake portrayed him in the best possible light, smiling winsomely. The pictures of Severus Snape were comparatively unflattering - he was either glaring menacingly or curling his lip to deliver some cutting remark.

Harry wanted to rip out his hair as he tried to think of some way to fix this. If he was still Harry Potter he could make use of his considerable influence but as Dominic Wake he had no such pull with anyone. He was a popular up-and-coming professor with bold new teaching ideas who was also producing superior results, as measured by his classes’ performance evaluations compared to previous years. He was nothing more than that, even if he was being portrayed in the best possible way. He was no one, really. He’d literally never thought he would _ever_ regret losing his influence but right now he did. There really wasn’t much he could do as Dominic.

He could only imagine how much Severus was hurting right now. Severus was being portrayed as some sort of monster, yet again, and it was so unfair it was unbearable.

Harry whispered, “Severus, please look at me.”

“Don’t,” Severus gritted out without looking at him. “ _Not_ _now_.”

“Ignoring me now isn’t going to convince anyone that we’re not in a relationship,” Harry pointed out gently. “It only makes you look like you don’t care about me. If you want to prove the papers wrong, I need you to take a risk and show just a tiny bit of vulnerability.”

Severus’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed but Harry recognized it as a reaction to pain rather than an expression of anger. Severus looked down at his lap and whispered, “Dominic, I told you how they would react. You cannot change their minds and they’ll never let this go. This will be the end of us.”

“Only if _you_ let it be,” Harry replied firmly.

Severus looked at Harry then and Harry could see the conflict in Severus’s eyes. Harry said, “Severus, I don’t care if everyone knows. Maybe they’ll only ever believe lies about us, but you and I, we know the truth. I don’t blame you for letting it bother you. It bothers me too and I’m going to do my best to change everyone’s mind about you… but in the end, if it’s only you and me against the world… I can live with that.”

Harry leaned forward and kissed Severus sweetly. Severus hesitated only for a moment before he kissed him back. Harry felt Severus relax under his lips, even as the students watching them audibly gasped. In shock and in horror, no doubt.

Harry broke the kiss then smiled at Severus and winked, “The best part is, I can kiss you anytime I want now.”

Severus slowly smiled in return. There were more gasps and Severus scowled again, glaring at the students until they all looked away and pretended to be interested in their breakfast. Harry chuckled and said, “I don’t think they’ve ever seen you smile, love.”

Severus looked amused and somewhat satisfied. It was clear that he was already feeling significantly better than he had been just minutes previously. Harry was grateful he’d been able to get through to him. Severus hadn’t been willing to shut him out entirely, he’d just needed assurances from Harry that Harry would stay by his side.

A single straggler owl appeared and slowly made its decent. It looked exhausted and frazzled and weighted down by the a heavy package it was carrying. It weaved a bit then flew straight to the staff table and landed in front of Severus. It nearly dropped the package in his food but Harry saw it coming and hastily moved Severus’s plate out of danger.

Harry grabbed some bacon and extended it to the unfamiliar owl in a peace offering, “There you go, little guy. Don’t take my fingers with it, mind you.”

The owl grabbed the bacon greedily then took off immediately after, as if afraid Harry would try to take the food back. Harry watched the bird until it was out of sight, thinking it was strange it hadn’t wanted to stick around for a few minutes. It’d obviously traveled quite a ways. 

Maybe it just preferred to hang out in the owlery with the other owls. It could be heading there now for all Harry knew.

“It’s from you. Did you order something for me?”

Harry was confused and he turned his attention from the rafters to try to look at the package, “What? Are you sure it’s not _for_ me? Let me see that. You never get mail.”

Severus had already torn off the wrapping, “Neither do you and it was _definitely_ addressed to me. If it was meant to be a surprise it’s far too late now.”

Harry had a sudden pang of unease - a feeling that bordered on panic. He didn’t know what was causing it and he needed a minute to calm down or he was going to be at risk for another breakdown. He desperately tried to force down the feelings. At the same time, he tried to get the package away from Severus. He should have been more worried about his emotions but the package seemed critically important for some reason. Things were happening way too fast and Harry couldn’t _think_.

Severus moved the package determinedly out of his reach, just as intent on opening it as Harry was intent on getting it away from him. Harry finally managed to grab one of Severus’s hands after several frantic seconds. He pleaded desperately, “Severus, _wait!”_

Severus opened the box and raised an eyebrow at Harry, bewildered by the sudden and clear alarm he heard in Harry’s too-loud voice. Then there was a concentrated explosion and Harry was blown backwards by the concussive blast. His head smacked on the stone hard but he was back on his feet and racing back to Severus’s side, faster than thought. He got to him just a second after Severus fell to the ground. Distantly, Harry could hear _everyone_ screaming. 

Severus looked fine until Harry rolled him onto his back. A huge chunk of Severus’s torso, including his entire left arm, was missing. The face that Harry knew better than his own had been rendered unrecognizable. The smell of flesh, seared in the explosion, was gut-wrenchingly foul. Harry recognized the smell from the battlefield.

He couldn’t even remember where he was right now. With all the noise and movement around him it could have certainly been a battlefield. All he knew for sure was Severus had been hurt terribly and if he didn’t act quickly, he might not be able to save him.

Albus’s voice cut through the cacophony of noise, “Dominic, stop, _Severus is_ _dead!”_

Harry’s mind rejected the words vehemently.

“No!” Harry screamed, “He _can’t_ be!”

Harry hadn’t even been aware that he was sobbing until he heard his own broken voice. He sounded absolutely hysterical. Maybe even insane. He’d heard other people like that before. He knew how hard it could be, to convince grief-stricken people that their loved ones were dead. Was that what was happening now? Was he in shock?

Was he currently experiencing some sort of unbearable truth and choosing instead to believe in a lie? Harry looked up, trying to ground himself. He was in the great hall. The students were being evacuated. Albus was kneeling beside him.

Albus was staring at Harry and Severus. Stunned disbelief was clear on his features. It was obvious that the old man _finally_ understood what Severus meant to Harry but it was much too late now. Grief and regret crumpled those aged features, “Oh Har-… I’m so sorry, I had no idea- _no idea_ that you loved him. I’m so, so very sorry but Severus is _beyond_ healing now. There’s nothing to be done. Can’t you see that? There’s- There’s barely anything left… He’s _not_ suffering and he’s _not_ dying.”

Albus was crying now and he whispered brokenly, “ _Severus is dead._ ”

It didn’t matter what Albus thought or said. Nothing mattered anymore, except one thing.

Harry focused fully on Severus once again. He gathered up every last bit of magic he had within him and forced it through what remained of Severus’s body. It was like trying to perform surgery but with concentrated lightning. His magic was as bright and blinding as the sun and it was almost _impossible_ to control. It was physical agony for Harry to wield it like he was, in such infinitely complex and delicate applications. Harry focused on what wanted to achieve rather than how _exactly_ he was going to achieve it.

This sort of thing was more theoretical than anything. No one had ever reconstructed a body like this. No one had that kind of raw power at their disposal. No one thought it _should_ be done, even if it could be.

Yet, Severus’s body was quickly coming back together under Harry’s hands. He knew that if he could fix Severus’s body then he could restart his heart and rebind his soul.

He could and he _would_ return Severus to life.

Albus screamed, “You’ll only kill yourself, Harry!”

The warning seemed to come from far away now and Harry didn’t care at all. He would gladly use everything he had to save Severus. Absolutely _everything_ he was. If that _still_ wasn’t good enough to save the man he loved, then Harry would be dead soon either way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one scene in particular that many of you may take issue with, considering how much Albus is hated (I understand, I love to hate him too). However, if there is a moral in this story it is that nothing good comes from holding onto hatred. Please try to remember that when you come to that scene. Try to listen closely to what Albus is saying, especially when he talks about Severus.

Harry woke in a familiar hospital bed. He knew where he was immediately, but it took several minutes for him to remember how he had gotten there. When he did, he sat bolt upright, screaming hoarsely, “ _Severus!”_

He hissed out sharply as pain exploded throughout his body and his vision spun wildly. Yet he remained upright, trying to focus through the haze of fatigue. All he knew was he was alone. A door slammed open as he was struggling out of the bed. Madam Pomfrey cried, “Merlin have mercy! Harry be still this instant!”

Harry thrashed as she attempted to force him back down onto the bed with magic. He snarled, “So help me, Poppy, if you don’t let me go I won’t be responsible for what I do to you or your infirmary.”

“I say you will do absolutely nothing, young man! You _haven’t_ the magic! Be still or you’re going to _hurt_ yourself. Lord, Harry, what has come over you?”

A realization hit Harry like a bucket of cold water and he went limp. Poppy was calling him _Harry_. He must have critically drained his magical core rescuing Severus - so much so that there was not enough magic left to hold the _nearly_ permanent transfigurations. Harry whispered, “Severus... Is he okay? Is he alive?”

He could not remember. When he tried to think back all that came to mind was emotional and physical agony… and nothing else but white-hot light.

“He’s alive and well, child. As for if he is okay though, I’m not one to say.”

Harry experienced a moment of acute relief - he hadn’t failed. Severus was not only alive but _alive and well_. He also was not in the infirmary so surely he had to be doing _very_ well.

“How… how did he react?” Harry questioned anxiously.

He hardly dared ask. His heart was in his throat. Poppy eyed him with an expression of extreme disapproval, “How did you expect him to react? What kind of game were you playing, Harry? I know you hate Severus but, really, that was too cruel-”

Harry gave her a level look and said flatly, “Do not talk about things you know nothing about, Poppy.”

She paused mid-syllable and stared at him. Then her expression became incredulous and pitying, “Oh Harry, how did you _expect_ such a thing to end?”

“Leave me,” Harry replied quietly, closing his eyes in an effort to shut out the world.

In the days that followed, Hermione and Ron and all of the Weasleys and so many more old friends came to see him. They railed at him and cried and begged for answers... and Harry told them the truth. It had been too painful to face them. He had been selfish and weak and he was very sorry he’d upset them - but _not_ sorry he’d done it.

They could not understand, not one of them. Harry did not expect their forgiveness and he did not ask for it.

When Albus finally came to visit him, he sat with him for a very long time without saying a word. He waited until Harry had actually looked at him and when Harry finally did, he was surprised by what he saw. Albus had always looked at Harry as if he were a child, but he _wasn’t_ now. Albus said quietly, “Harry, I’ve always prided myself on making the right choices. I have made less mistakes in my life than most men my age, but for some reason I have made a great _many_ mistakes where you are concerned.”

Harry waited and he _listened_. Albus continued, “I wronged you, when you were a child. I gave you to caretakers I knew wouldn’t love you. I manipulated you and I used you like a pawn in a war you didn’t know anything about and shouldn’t have been fighting in. You rose to meet every challenge you were met with because you are and have always been a truly remarkable wizard… but you were a child, and you shouldn’t have been fighting in an adults’ war. You should have been protected instead of being used.”

Albus’s gaze did not waver from Harry’s as he spoke. Harry nodded in acknowledgement and remained quiet. These were words he’d long waited to hear. He might not have fully realized it, but he’d always wanted Albus to explicitly admit what he had done to Harry. He wanted to know Albus _understood_ how he’d hurt Harry. Maybe anyone would have wanted that kind of validation.

“Harry, I never wanted to genuinely care about you because I believed it was necessary that you die. However, I hope you believe me when I say that I came to love you like family. You have a way of _making_ people love you and you deserve all the happiness this world has to offer. No one deserves it more than you do, after everything you have suffered.

“After you disappeared, I promised myself, that if you ever returned I would see to it that I made amends for my sins against you. I told myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure that you found happiness. Instead, in the first moment when my faith in you was tested, I believed the worst of you.” 

Harry did feel that he needed to reply then, “Albus, I made mistakes too. Holding onto my hate the way I did. Letting my temper get the better of me and letting- no, _encouraging_ you believe the worst. I should have just told you I was in love with Severus, from the very start. All of this could have been avoided.”

Albus reached out and took Harry’s hand, “Harry, I am trying to say I understand why you didn’t want to tell me the truth. I understand why you don’t trust me. I understand why you hate me. The blame is on my shoulders and I haven’t even apologized for the _worst_ of it yet.”

A horrible thought occurred to Harry and he yanked his hand back, “The package? That was _you_?”

Albus’s eyes widened in genuine surprise and he shook his head quickly, the bells on his outfit jingling as he said, “Merlin no, Harry, of course not. I have no idea who sent that package, but undoubtedly it was someone who couldn’t stand the possibility of Severus being happy. That it happened on the same day as those papers were released couldn’t have been a coincidence. What I have to apologize for is leaking the story to the papers in the first place. I am indirectly to blame for what followed. I should have realized that the consequences for my actions had the potential to be more severe than I intended. It was a terrible miscalculation and it would have never happened if I had just trusted in you and minded my own business.”

Albus sighed tiredly and said, “It seems that every time I try to interfere in your life, Harry, things turn out for the worse more often than for the better. You aren’t a child anymore and I think it is well past time for me to stop meddling. I think… I think I have _finally_ learned my lesson. I am only grateful that you managed to bring Severus back from the dead. Perhaps you may yet be able to make things right again.”

A spark of hope flickered in Albus’s pale blue eyes. Harry looked away and replied quietly, “I’m not so confident. I wouldn’t have resorted to such underhanded means at all if I’d had any hope that I could be with Severus any other way.”

“Harry, I encourage you to try. Severus _loves_ you. Granted, he thought you were someone else and I am certain he believes the worst of you right now… But you just need to make him realize that Dominic Wake and Harry Potter are exactly the same, in every way that matters. He _knows_ what you did to save his life. All the proof of your pure intentions is right underneath his nose. You just need to make him see it.”

“You _know_ how Severus is,” Harry whispered forlornly.

“Yes, I do,” Albus agreed but not without sympathy. “I’ve known him for much longer than you and he has been something of a friend for many years. Though I can no longer say that I know him _best,_ Severus is a man predisposed to hate and he is a difficult man to know and to care for. I never even considered that you would be able to see him for who he truly is, but I underestimated your capacity for understanding others and your capacity for love, Harry. Remember your love now and believe that it is worth fighting for. Have hope that everything will turn out alright in the end, just as I have hope that you will eventually forgive me.”

Harry stared at Albus for a long, quiet moment and he was surprised to realize that he _didn’t_ hate Albus anymore. Albus’s words had given him much needed closure and now, he was left feeling lighter and freer. A slightly better version of himself, maybe. He wanted Albus to share in that unexpected and beautiful piece of tranquility he’d found.

“I _do_ forgive you, Albus,” Harry said sincerely. 

It cost him nothing, but it was clear the words were priceless to the old man. Together they shared a few minutes of perfect understanding and of hard-won peace.

It was nearly two weeks before Harry was recovered enough to leave that bed. The one person Harry longed to see most never came to visit him.

After leaving the infirmary Harry went to his rooms. He showered, shaved, and dressed in a fresh change of clothes. Then he gathered his courage and went down into the dungeons.

When he reached his destination he had to pause for a minute to catch his breath - he’d actually started to feel a little faint. Poppy had warned him not to overdo it but he still hadn’t expected to be _quite_ this feeble. He’d never been so bad off in his life. He could barely feel his magic within his core, even after two weeks.

He supposed that was just proof of how extremely close he’d come to dying.

He waited until his breath evened out and his vision came into focus once more. Then he knocked on the door to Severus’s office. He was not even sure if he would find Severus there so he was relieved when he heard the familiar voice call out curtly, “Enter.”

Harry stepped inside, closing the door behind him. His immediate thought was relief, because Severus did indeed look perfectly well and unharmed. There weren’t even any scars - at least none that Harry could see. He’d successfully reconstructed Severus’s left arm from nothing and the man was using it the same as always.

It was nothing sort of a miracle considering Harry had had absolutely _no idea_ what he’d been doing.

Severus glanced up and then went very still. His quill was clenched tightly between his fingers now. Rage and pain warred in the depths of the beautiful black eyes that Harry loved. Severus hissed through his teeth, “ _Get out_.”

Harry sagged back against the door, stricken by Severus’s unadulterated hate. He also wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay upright unassisted after his trek across the castle. It would probably be _months_ before he fully recovered. Harry whispered entreatingly, “ _Please_ let me explain, Severus.”

The quill broke and ink stained Severus’s hand and the papers beneath it. He shouted, “I said get out!”

“You won’t hear me? You won’t even know why?” Harry replied quietly.

“Gods damn you, Potter. I know well enough _why_ ,” Severus snarled, his face a mask of unhinged fury and contempt. Severus knocked over his chair and stalked forward, his wand suddenly in hand and killing-green sparks flickering ominously at the tip.

Harry pleaded with him, “Severus, _please_ -”

“Would you have me congratulate you on your successful scheme?” Severus demanded violently. “ _Well done, Potter._ Indeed, I did not believe you capable of such incredible cruelty. You have _throughly_ humiliated the man you hate most. But the game is over now. If you do not get out of my sight, so help me, I _will_ kill you, Potter.”

The truth in Severus’s words was more than Harry could bear. He should have waited a few more days maybe, until he was a little bit stronger. On the other hand, maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference. After all, the man he loved _literally_ wanted to kill him. A little extra time wouldn’t have better prepared him for that.

Harry sank to his knees at Severus’s feet. Severus stopped in his tracks, nearly quavering with barely controlled rage. It was such a contrast to Harry’s memories of Severus, when they’d last been alone. Thinking of what he’d lost made it that much worse.

A sob escaped Harry and then the tears would not stop. He raised his eyes, barely able to see Severus through the tears, “Then kill me, Severus. If you hate me so much, _kill_ me. You have _every_ right to.” 

Harry meant it. If he’d hurt Severus so badly that the man truly wanted to kill him, Harry would let him. If Severus wanted him dead then Harry didn’t have any will left to live. He bent his head, clutching his chest and trembling with the force of his grief.

Severus staggered backwards a step, “Potter... stop that this instant.”

Harry laughed, a sound choked with tears and broken with sobs, “I-I can’t. I’m sorry, Severus, gods I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just... foolishly thought I could have it all. That I could be happy and I could make you happy and it would never have to end. That I would never have to _pay_ for it. I thought I could start over and have a new life. I thought I could stop being Harry bloody Potter and just be... someone else, _permanently_. I was so taken in by the idea that I could be Dominic Wake, the man you loved, and no one else. I wanted the chance to finally _be_ _with you_.”

The room was warm but Harry felt bitterly cold and he was shivering violently. His fingers dug into the skin of his bruised arms, unconsciously drawing tiny crescents of blood, “I was desperate and selfish and foolish and weak. My actions are _unforgivable_.”

Blackness edged his vision and agony racked his body. His breaths came short and unsteady, not pulling in any air. His heart stuttered in his chest. He lurched forward, bending at the waist, hunching over his knees.

He was having another breakdown but his magic was too weak to be of any threat to Severus and even if it hadn’t been, _all_ of the destruction was focused inwards. He didn’t even care enough to _try_ to stop what was happening to him. He was too caught up in it already.

Severus’s robes pooled on the floor as the other man dropped to his knees, hitting the ground hard. His wand clattering against the stone and rolled away. Hands gripped Harry’s upper arms tightly and shook him roughly, “Damn it, _breathe_! You’re going to knock yourself out with this dramatic fit!”

Harry was in no state of mind to comprehend the words. Severus pressed his fingers against Harry’s pulse at his neck and Severus visibly trembled in response to what he felt - Harry’s pulse was failing.

Severus’s black eyes darted up to Harry’s face in alarm, “Dom- _Harry_ , please, you need to calm down. Your emotional state is causing your magic to affect your body in a _very_ dangerous way. You’re going to… to _hurt_ yourself irrevocably.”

The words were strained and not quite calm. Harry couldn’t see Severus’s face. He literally couldn’t see anything anymore. Suddenly Harry was pulled into Severus’s arms and the man began stroking his hair. Severus whispered by his ear, “Hush, just breathe. Be at ease and… _don’t_ despair. I... I love you still, my precious fool, but I _won’t_ forgive you if you die of a heart attack.”

The words, when combined with the shock of Severus’s comforting touch, sunk in through the black haze that had taken hold. Harry gave a breathy, pathetic little laugh and obligingly sucked in a deep breath of air - which promptly caused him to faint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last time I end a chapter with Harry falling unconscious, I promise. This is also the last breakdown he’ll have, for the foreseeable future. No more close encounters with death. Things are going to start turning around now, for real this time. Harry and Severus will have to figure out how to move forward from here. It is going to be difficult for them.
> 
> Oh and if you were one of the ones who noticed, hopefully you know now that Albus calling Harry by his real name at the very end of chapter ten was not a mistake on my part. It was because Harry's transfigurations had been undone. I mentioned in the beginning that it takes extensive magic to maintain those transfigurations and Harry used all of the magic he had to save Severus. Albus swore an unbreakable oath to keep Harry's secret but when Harry's false image fell away in full public view and he exposed his true identity, that released Albus from his oath. You can't keep a secret if it's not a secret anymore.
> 
> IMPORTANT: You've now caught up with me and I won't be posting as frequently as before. It may be a few days before I post chapter twelve...


	12. Chapter 12

Harry woke in Severus's bed, a bed he was very familiar with. He blinked sluggishly and immediately closed his eyes again, tightly. He raised a hand to his throbbing head with a slight grimace. The pain was immense. A warm hand slipped under the back of his neck, lifting his head. A low voice murmured, "Drink this."

A vial was pressed to his lips. Harry obeyed, trusting the hand and the voice. The pain dissipated immediately. He opened his eyes as Severus set aside the vial. The man was sitting on the bed beside him, looking as if he hadn't slept. Harry watched him uncertainly, waiting for him to speak again. He really had no idea what to expect from Severus now.

Severus leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. From that position the man said quietly, "It shames me to realize that my first reaction to learning your identity must have been exactly what you expected, thus justifying your unconventional methods of pursuing a relationship with me. I would have  _never_  considered you otherwise."

Severus paused briefly then continued, "Even after everything we have shared, after all you have done for me, after you - you nearly  _died_  to save me… my hatred of Harry Potter blinded me and I abandoned you, cursing your name. I wanted to…  _kill_  you."

Severus's last words were barely audible, as if he didn't even want to say it now.

Harry reached out and placed a hand on Severus's thigh gently. Severus did not move for a moment then he swallowed and finally dropped his hands. He looked down at his lap then up at Harry. His expression was raw and shockingly vulnerable as he said, "It is inconceivable to me, that  _you_  could love me as you do… but how can I possibly continue to deny it when I now know it  _must_  be the true?"

Harry whispered, "Dominic Wake and Harry Potter were always the same person, Severus. Why can you accept Dominic's love but not Harry's?"

"Dominic was an incredible man, one I felt so grateful to have, one I felt I did not deserve. However, we were nearly the same age, roughly similar in ability and also in appearance. In relationships there should be  _some_  balance... You're  _Harry Potter_."

Harry closed his eyes, feeling a different sort of pain now, "Severus, what I did in the war was what I had to do. It was horrific and terrible and I lost part of myself forever. Do not hold my accursed fame against me now."

"Harry, you are half my age and you are, inarguably, the most powerful wizard since Merlin. Furthermore, you are... the most  _beautiful_  man I have ever known. Irregardless of how you feel about the part you played in the war, you  _are_  the savior of the wizarding world and I… well, I am just a Death Eater."

"You were a  _spy_!" Harry burst out in immediate exasperation. "The  _information_  you provided-"

"Harry. Stop. I was only ever able to get that information because I was first a true believer - because I took the mark and sought the Dark Lord's favor. I may have redeemed myself, but I have been irrevocably tainted… even if you have inadvertently removed my dark mark by giving me a  _new_  left arm."

This last statement startled Harry but then he scowled and said fiercely, "Severus, I  _won't_  let you talk about yourself that way."

A faint smile turned Severus's lips. He reached down and placed his hand over Harry's, which was still resting on his thigh, "I know. You don't like to hear me say such things because you love me."

Severus paused then said, "I do not believe I deserve you for other reasons as well - the most notable being my blind hatred and my abandonment of you… However, I am  _not_  a noble Gryffindor, no matter how highly you think of me. I am a Slytherin, and so, I cannot let you go just because you deserve better. I am much too selfish."

Harry grinned so widely it hurt, "Oh thank god you're a Slytherin."

The words ended with a telling waver. Severus's gaze softened. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Harry's temple, "I will not abandon you again, Harry. I am yours for so long as you want me, so please rest easy. I don't want you to have another… episode. Especially not when you are still so weak."

Harry drew Severus down, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Severus went rigid and Harry immediately broke the kiss, looking miserable and chagrined, "I… I'm sorry, Sev-"

Severus shook his head once, sharply, then he caught Harry's chin between his fingers and pressed a firm kiss against Harry's lips. It was awkward but it was clear that Severus was determined. He remained there with his lips pressed against Harry's until he finally relaxed. Harry tentatively moved his lips in the gentlest brush against Severus's and then Severus was kissing him back.

They passed several minutes kissing softly and languidly, as if it was the very first time. They kissed until it began to feel familiar once more and then, after that, it quickly started to become more passionate. Severus drew back before it could escalate too far and his black eyes searched Harry's bright green ones. Severus stayed close to Harry and his deep voice was slightly hoarse as he said, "Please don't be upset."

It was almost a plea. Harry blinked at him, slightly taken aback. His expression softened when he understood. Severus lay down beside him with a relieved sigh, wrapping an arm about Harry's waist and dropping his face against Harry's neck. Harry was worried that Severus was forcing himself to do too much, just for Harry's benefit. Harry said earnestly, "Severus, you really don't have to be with me right now if you don't want to be. I know you're trying to push through the awkwardness you feel but it must be incredibly hard for you to reconcile me with… well, me. It's understandable."

"I've thought of nothing else all night," Severus said, without turning his face away from Harry's neck. "Harry, when you...  _you_   _broke_... I do not ever wish to see you in such pain again. I'll do anything to prevent that. The longer I touch you the more natural it feels."

"Severus, I promise I'm not going to  _intentionally_  kill myself." Harry tried to make his words sound lighter than they were but he failed. Severus held onto him a little tighter.

"I might be  _slightly_  reassured, if you could say that without adding 'intentionally'," Severus replied dryly, with the faintest touch of his usual snark.

Harry sighed and said, "Severus, you have to understand… I thought I had lost you and I couldn't bear it. I've lost… so  _much_ , Severus. It might sound overly sentimental to you, but you are truly the last and brightest star in my sky."

Severus finally drew back so he could see Harry's face. Those dark eyes held him for a moment then the man asked very carefully, "You said once... you said you had been addicted to the Dark Arts and love saved you. Surely that wasn't…?"

_Surely that wasn't me?_

Severus tailed off as if he didn't dare put his question into words but his question was clear to Harry. Harry nodded and replied simply, "Severus, you are my first and only love. Of course I was talking about you then."

"Harry..."

Severus's voice broke and Harry realized Severus's eyes were too bright suddenly, as if the self-possessed man was actually in danger of shedding tears. Harry smiled a bittersweet smile, "Come on, don't think so much, Sev. You are predisposed to all kinds of hate, including self-recrimination. Can we please just… hold each other instead and talk more in the morning? You must be exhausted."

Harry continued to hold Severus for hours after the man had fallen asleep. Harry silently thanked whatever gods might be for allowing him this happiness. He had been  _so sure_ his world had ended and yet, now he found that it had only shifted. Things would be much more difficult now because everyone knew who he was and because he'd become unfamiliar to Severus once more… but somehow, inconceivably, he still had Severus. Surely he could face whatever might come so long as he could just be with Severus.

Severus opened his eyes sleepily and then fixed his gaze on Harry. Harry smiled at him tenderly, lifting a hand to caress the man's cheek, "It is early yet. Go back to sleep."

Severus blinked then his gaze sharpened with sudden alertness and suspicion, " _You_  have not slept at all."

"Don't mind me, love. Sleep."

Severus narrowed his eyes slightly and said nothing. Harry sighed and said, "I don't want to dream, Severus. The pain and the fear is too fresh and I know if I fall asleep I'll have nightmares. I would rather stay awake and continue to assure myself that… that you are still mine. Perhaps I'll sleep later. Tomorrow."

Severus was frowning now and he sat up, moving to stand. Harry extended a hand to him entreatingly, murmuring, "Severus, where are you going? Come back to bed."

"I will return shortly. Wait here."

The man returned with two potion vials. Harry grimaced, "If that is dreamless sleep, I most certainly do not want that. It doesn't work properly. It keeps me asleep but I still dream and it effectively traps me in my nightmares."

"I remember," Severus replied quietly, referring to the time when he had provided Harry with potions during the war. "This is a mild sleeping aid, nothing more. It will help you fall asleep but it will not  _keep_  you asleep. The other vial is a rather intense soothing draught, the effects of which shall last for the next nine to nine and a half hours. You will take the draught first, then the sleeping aid. In the highly unlikely event of a nightmare, I will be by your side and I  _will_  wake you."

Severus extended the vials and Harry accepted them with a wry smile, "Very well. Thank you, Severus."

He took the potions quickly and was surprised to find that they  _weren't_  disgusting - they tasted rather nice actually. He licked his lips and cast a mistrustful look at the empty vials, muttering under his breath, "Those did  _not_  taste like I expected…"

Severus crawled back into bed again, wrapping his arm around Harry's waist and resting his head against Harry's chest. Severus replied quietly, "Most potions can be modified to taste better, I just usually don't make the effort."

Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around Severus. The potions were quickly taking effect and it wasn't long before he fell asleep. He did not dream.

When he woke, many hours later, Severus was staring at him. Harry smirked at him, "You're being creepy, Sev. You look at me like you've never seen me before."

"I haven't, not like this," Severus replied gently.

Harry's expression fell and he remembered that he was Harry again, "Oh. Right. Um, I'm sorry. Are you sure you wouldn't rather… Severus, you realize I can be Dominic again, don't you? Wouldn't that be easier? We can just forget all of this awfulness and start over somewhere new. Somewhere _neither_  of us would be recognized. No one would question our relationship. No one would call you a Death Eater."

Severus frowned severely, "You can't run away from your problems all your life, Harry, you're not a child anymore."

Harry looked away, his expression becoming blank and unreadable. There was a long and awkward pause then Severus touched Harry's face, "I… didn't mean it like that."

"Didn't you?" Harry questioned, his voice strained.

Severus was silent for a long moment then he said, "Harry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to talk down to you. I know… that for many years you were forced to confront many problems including those that were not your own. I imagine that must make it that much more appealing to have the ability to finally be selfish now and to run away and start over whenever you feel like it. Not having ties or responsibilities can be very liberating… Perhaps I might be wrong, but I do not think you would be happy living that way forever. You love teaching and you're  _good_  at it. Hogwarts is a home to you as much as it is to me. Everyone knows who you are now but we can and we will make this relationship work here."

Harry nodded but his expression did not shift and Severus must have thought Harry was unconvinced because Severus hesitantly added, "There will be a long period of adjustment… but I loved you when you were Dominic and I  _do_  love you still. I'm merely… I'm having a hard time reconciling my former thoughts about who you were with the person I  _know_  Dominic to be. There is a distinct separation between Dominic and Harry in my mind and I'm having difficulty resolving it. I'm struggling against the tendency to think of you as if Dominic is currently inhabiting your body. I know the truth - that it was actually the opposite.

"Your age has never actually changed, just my perception of it. You don't look the same but you touch me in exactly the same ways. You don't sound the same but you talk to me in exactly the same ways. You  _love_  me in exactly the same way." Severus paused then whispered unexpectedly, "You've loved me  _for years_. How was I so wrong about you for so long?"

Harry didn't know what to say. It seemed as if Severus wanted an answer though so he thought about the question for a long few minutes before replying, "Maybe it all comes down to poor timing and… well, you wanted to hate me from the start, didn't you? You saw in me what you wanted to see. You weren't entirely wrong either, you just… you focused on my flaws and I think maybe you were quick to write off anything positive you saw in me."

"What do you mean, I wasn't  _entirely_  wrong?"

Harry drew away form him and stood. He couldn't look at Severus as he said, "A lot of people died because of me. I did the best I could and it wasn't good enough. I tried to distance myself from others but they  _never_  stopped caring about me and whenever I would inevitably make a mistake in the war… people  _died for me_."

"Harry…"

"I  _knew_  the blame was mine and it absolutely tore me apart - it still does. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone, but I was. I wanted to give those responsibilities to someone more experienced, but I  _couldn't -_ no one would  _let_  me. I tried to learn everything I needed to know to be the leader that everyone wanted me to be… but there was so much I just didn't know and the enemy always knew more. I thought if I could just become powerful enough, I could keep more people safe. I turned to the dark arts and that  _did_  keep more people safe but I knew it was destroying me and I  _couldn't_   _stop_. I felt… so lonely and hopeless. My friends tried to sympathize but they didn't really understand - I think most of them were just secretly relieved  _they weren't me_. Everyone who didn't know me thought I was this inhuman savior but I couldn't keep the people I loved safe and I couldn't even save myself."

The words poured out of him as if a dam had broken. He struggled to keep his emotions in check but he ended up crying anyway. It hurt so much to admit these things out loud and especially to Severus. He couldn't look at the man at all. He also couldn't bear to hear what Severus would say in reply so just continued to ramble, "I'm so ashamed to even speak of these things with you. I don't  _want_  to be the person you hated. I don't want to  _remind_  you why you hated me. As if me lying to you and deceiving you isn't bad enough already. I can't believe you are actually trying to  _forgive_  me for that-"

"Harry,  _stop_!"

Harry jumped and turned, startled. Severus had risen from the bed and he grabbed Harry's wrists now, yanking Harry's hands away from his forearms. Harry hadn't even realized he'd been scratching himself so hard. It was a worrying lapse in self-control.

Harry stammered, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't even realize… god, you must think I'm  _insane_."

Severus was staring at Harry and his eyes were a little wide, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing. Harry sniffed and looked away, blinking quickly to clear his vision.

Severus released Harry's hands and then he was holding Harry's face between his hands, gently smoothing away the tears that streaked Harry's skin. Harry had no choice but to meet Severus's gaze now and he didn't understand what he was seeing there. It  _had_  to be distain. Severus said, "Harry, listen to me, please. I was wrong about you."

"What? No, I-"

"No, Harry," Severus interrupted. "Please. I was so  _wrong_  about you. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not crazy. You're… you actually  _are_  perfect, Harry."

Harry's shoulders slumped and he wanted to wail but instead he said loudly and emphatically, " _No!_ I'm _not!_ If I was 'Perfect Potter' so many people wouldn't be  _dead!_  Don't you  _see?"_

"I do see you now," Severus replied solemnly. He hadn't looked away from Harry, not even for a moment.

Harry faltered, confused by Severus's meaning. Severus pressed his momentary advantage, "I do see you now, Harry, and I'm saying I was  _wrong_  about you. I'll keep saying it until you believe me. There is nothing wrong with you and you're not crazy."

Harry began to cry again. Severus whispered, "Harry, it is  _not_  your fault people died."

Harry shook his head quickly. Severus kissed him to keep him from protesting then leaned his forehead against Harry's and repeated quietly, "It wasn't your fault. You did the best you could and it  _was_  good enough. You've  _always_  been good enough."

Harry shook his head and tried to pull away but Severus grabbed him and yanked him close again, wrapping his arms around him in order to keep him there. Harry struggled briefly before giving up. He was too weak to resist Severus physically. Still, he insisted, "I  _could_  have done better, Severus. I made so  _many_  mistakes. It's all I can think about sometimes."

"No," Severus replied definitively. " _No one_  could have done better. You saved the world and you saved me. You were the only one who could."

Harry clung to Severus now reflexively, struggling to wrap his mind around what the man was saying. He needed to ground himself. Severus was speaking with such conviction and compassion - Harry didn't understand  _why_. A thought occurred to him that made him feel very young and stupid, "You're scared I'm going to have another breakdown. You're saying these things to calm me down."

Severus held him tighter, "I  _am_  scared and I  _am_  trying to calm you down. I'm terrified you're going to hurt yourself because I said such cruel and unfair things to you. I was wrong about you but you  _believe_  those awful things about yourself and I'm scared that now I won't be able to convince you otherwise."

"Severus you- I'm fine, I'm okay, don't be afraid for me, alright?" Harry forced a smile to make the words sound more believable, even though Severus couldn't see his face. "I won't fall apart. You can let go of me."

"No," Severus replied intensely. "I'm not going to."

Harry laughed, but it sounded more like a sob, "Why are you even  _trying_  to be with me? Why did you forgive me so easily? You didn't even punish me for what I did."

"Isn't it obvious?" Severus murmured curiously. His tone was very odd and layered with emotions Harry still couldn't comprehend. "Before I fell in love with you, I was hopeless and lonely too."

When Harry was silent, Severus continued on in that same strange tone, "Harry, I'm  _grateful_  to you for not giving up on me. I forgive you because… how could I possibly do anything else? If you hadn't done what you did,  _nothing_  would have ever changed for me. I would have gone to my grave after living a profoundly miserable life and no one would have cared. I know what I was missing now and I desperately want to keep you. I can't imagine going back to the way I was before you made me love you. I  _need_  you."

Harry's shoulder was damp. He realized belatedly what that meant and the realization was like a knife to his bruised heart. Severus had never  _actually_  cried, not for as long as Harry had known him. He was crying now.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of last chapter was a turning point for Severus. Harry's found his happy ending but it's time to follow Severus for a while now. He's going to be taking some critical actions in the future that Harry won't be aware of. I split this chapter into two chapters because I thought it was too long. Chapter 14 will be posted tomorrow.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Severus came out his bathroom and found Harry standing in front of the floor-length mirror in his bedroom. He was already dressed in the robes he wore to teach - they fit him poorly now but he hadn't attempted to do anything about it. He wasn't doing anything actually, he was just staring at himself with a distant expression. He looked forlorn.

Severus came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, resting his chin on Harry's shoulder and holding his gaze in the mirror.

He would never get used to Harry's eyes. There were a truly captivating shade of green and when Harry was happy, they were even brighter than the killing curse. Right now they were a deeper sort of emerald than usual, darkened with obvious trepidation.

Harry whispered, "Do we have to leave the room?"

"It's been two full days and three nights," Severus replied gently. "You should be grateful for the time we've had. Albus has been standing in for you these past two weeks but there are no teachers available to stand in for me. The weekend is over now. When classes start in two hours I need to be present and so do you."

Harry's gaze dropped away from Severus's. Severus questioned lowly, "Will you still go to breakfast with me?"

Harry nodded, his expression resigned now. Severus released him and straightened, touching Harry's shoulder to turn him around, "Let me help you fix your clothes. You can't leave the room looking like that."

Harry smiled a little, "What, would you be embarrassed to be seen with me like this?"

Severus raised a brow at Harry and assumed his patently unimpressed expression. Secretly he was pleased that Harry was feeling up for making jokes again. He appreciated Harry's light and playful sense of humor.

As for being embarrassed of Harry… well, that was obviously ridiculous. Harry could wear one of Dolores Umbridge's hideously pink dresses and he would  _still_  be the most beautiful man there was. He looked stunning no matter what he was wearing. If anything, Harry should be embarrassed to be seen with Severus. However, Harry looked at Severus with such love that Severus knew Harry could never feel embarrassed of him. No, that last bitter and speculative thought was born entirely of Severus's own insecurities. It was nothing of the truth.

Severus had never thought  _anyone_  would look at him the way Harry looked at him. Harry could have had any man or woman in the world but for some inexplicable reason it was  _Severus_  that Harry looked at with such profound adoration.

Maybe that was Harry's only flaw - that he had really  _terrible_  taste in men.

Severus shook his head and carefully adjusted Harry's clothes until they fit him properly. Harry had a body that was worthy of an entire issue of Witch Weekly, just on its own - and Severus was certain that if Witch Weekly could have gotten Harry to agree to a photoshoot, it would have already happened multiple times over.

As good as Harry looked now, Severus had glimpsed Harry's naked body several times over the past couple of days, whenever Harry would change his clothes. Dominic had not been in bad physical shape and he'd had a nice body, which Severus had found highly attractive, but Harry was in  _perfect_  physical shape and his form was without flaw.

Harry had caught Severus staring more than once. Severus prided himself on his self-control but apparently he had none when it came to Harry. He tried to take comfort in the knowledge that Harry seemed to find  _him_  just as attractive.

Harry was watching him right now with such obvious want and it was incredibly distracting for Severus. Severus really couldn't hold Harry's gaze when he was looking at him like that. Otherwise  _they_   _would_  end up having sex and they'd miss breakfast and most likely be late for class as well.

Severus wasn't sure he was ready to have sex with Harry again - with Harry in his real body, that is. He wanted to, gods  _knew_  he did, but Harry was so lovely that Severus was actually intimidated by him. He didn't want to fumble and appear foolish.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus glanced at those bright eyes and then he couldn't look away. He admitted helplessly, "How absurdly beautiful you are."

Harry rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "Fine, don't tell me. Thank you for fixing my clothes."

Severus wasn't sure why he had ever thought Harry was arrogant or vain. Harry didn't even seem to understand how gorgeous he was and if he didn't comprehend his most obvious positive attribute, what hope was there that he understood his other incredible qualities? Harry could act confident at times, but he was often quite unsure about himself as well. He was incredibly  _critical_  of himself. How was it possible for the savior of the wizarding world to have issues with  _self-esteem?_

Severus wished he'd never told  _Harry_  how he'd used to feel about Harry. Harry would never forget those words and none of them were even true. Severus had once prided himself on being a good judge of character - it'd been essential as a spy. However, he'd gotten nearly  _everything_  wrong about Harry.

"How are you feeling?" Severus asked. "You seem… anxious."

Harry's expression fell and he said, "Yeah… I've never liked being the center of attention. It's going to be  _ridiculous_  today and I'm still so weak I shouldn't even perform any spells. I hate feeling so vulnerable. I'm completely stressed out."

Severus frowned slightly, concerned about the state of Harry's mind, "Perhaps I should talk to Albus. I'm sure he'd take your classes again this week, if you're not ready to return."

Harry laughed a little, "Great, now  _you're_  worried too. You were supposed to tell me it's all going to be okay and push me out the door."

Harry was too fragile right now for any sort of harshness, even tough love. Severus had been excessively careful with him over the last couple of days, careful to avoid any topic that might upset him, and careful to ensure Harry didn't worry. Harry had started to seem stable again but now Severus was worried he'd been wrong.

"Harry, tell me right now if you cannot handle this."

Harry caught Severus's face in his hands and looked him squarely in the eye, "I'm  _nervous_  but I'm  _not_  going to fall apart. Let's go before I change my mind."

They stepped out of the room together and made their way to the Great Hall. Severus kept his gaze fixed straight ahead but he saw the way the students stopped and stared when they saw Harry. Harry ignored them too but Severus knew now that it bothered the younger man and he had to resist the urge to snap at the the students and give each one of them detention. If he corrected every student who gaped at Harry, they wouldn't make it to the Great Hall in time for lunch, much less breakfast.

Harry paused outside of the doors to the Great Hall. Severus immediately came to a stop as well, trying to read Harry's expression. He didn't speak, merely waited. Harry glanced at him, smiled a little, and then reached out and took Severus's hand in his. Harry threaded their fingers together and then looked at Severus to see if this was okay.

Severus squeezed Harry's hand gently then he opened the door and they walked into the Great Hall together. Silence fell in the Great Hall almost immediately.

Severus had seen the way people reacted to Harry's presence before but he'd never shared the spotlight with Harry like this. He had to admit, it  _was_  somewhat unsettling.

He walked up to the staff table holding Harry's hand and they sat down in their normal seats. The silence did not break. Then Harry spoke and his voice was not loud but it carried throughout the hall, "I don't need to explain myself to anyone. I expect there will be a great deal of speculation about why I've done what I've done. I want to make it clear upfront that I do not owe any of you an explanation. However, I will give you the truth anyway. The war left me broken and my fame made me miserable. I came back here for one reason and that was to be with the man I love."

Severus had to struggle to keep from reacting outwardly to Harry's words. Harry continued, "I don't expect any of you to understand that and you don't need to. Just try to remember that I gave up nearly everything for you. Stop judging me and let me have my happiness. If you can do that, you'll get to learn from me. If you can't, I'll have to leave."

Severus dearly wanted to know how Harry pulled these speeches out of his ass. He'd used to think Harry planned them out but fifteen minutes ago Harry had been a nervous wreck. None of that was visible now. Harry appeared to be a calm, self-possessed young man. He exuded authority and absolute confidence.

He appeared to be more legend than man. How the bloody hell did he  _do_  that? Was it merely a matter of practice? Was it something  _anyone_  could learn? Somehow Severus doubted that.

Harry picked up his fork and proceeded to eat his breakfast. He ignored everyone and it was convincing, certainly, but Severus didn't buy it for a second. He knew Harry too well now.

Sure enough, Severus didn't have to wait longer than half a minute before those emerald eyes flicked sideways and caught his gaze. He saw a world's worth of uncertainty and even dread in that brief look. Severus murmured lowly, "Thank you."

Harry fixed his gaze back on his plate, mumbling back his reply around a mouthful of food, "For what?"

"For addressing the issue head on and shouldering the full burden of their attention. I hope you know you don't need to protect me."

"It is my burden to bear, not yours," Harry replied firmly. "My fame is a deterrent to you. If I want to keep you then I have to manage things in such a way as to minimize that deterrent."

Severus was startled by Harry's words and the hidden meaning he found there. Harry had been so anxious to show his face in public because he had thought it would make  _Severus_  uncomfortable - or maybe make Severus want him less. It was unthinkable really. Severus hadn't even considered that Harry might think that way until just now.

Severus leaned close, placing his mouth close to Harry's ear, "That is  _not_  something you need to worry about, Harry."

Harry turned his head slightly towards Severus, "Are you sure?"

How was it possible for Harry to look so damn seductive when he wasn't even trying? Severus was held transfixed. He managed, "Yes."

Gods help him, he was incapable of giving up Harry up for anything. He'd never allowed himself such an extreme vulnerability yet even that was not enough to deter him now. Harry smiled slowly, as if he knew, and he also seemed relieved. Then, with a mischievous look in his eyes, he placed his hand on Severus's leg under the table, just above his knee.

Harry returned to eating breakfast but his hand slowly moved higher over the next fifteen minutes until it rested on Severus's upper thigh. It stayed there and Severus glared at Harry but did not remove his hand. Severus muttered, "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Distracting you!" Harry replied with a guileless smile.

Distracting him? Then Severus remembered their audience. Most of the students had started eating by now but many were still staring and the ones that weren't kept casting glances their way. A low murmuring drone of conversation had replaced the former silence. Harry said softly, "Don't mind them. Look at me, Sev."

Severus met Harry's gaze once more and Harry smiled at him again - the smile that was just for him. Severus replied mildly, "You need a lot of attention, don't you?"

Harry's smile widened into a dazzling grin, "I need  _every bit_ of your attention."

Harry glanced at Severus's lips and Severus wondered, yet again, how it could be possible that such a man was attracted to  _him_.

He couldn't say that though or Harry might very well be prompted to do something indecent. He knew that lustful gleam in Harry's eyes. It was a different face but a similar expression to the one he knew well. Harry had a  _lascivious_  mind and if Severus encouraged him neither of them would make it to their first class in time.

Harry murmured, "Ah, you're no fun."

"No, you've  _successfully_  distracted me, I assure you," Severus replied dryly.

Harry raised his eyebrows and Severus realized he'd just encouraged Harry by accident. He hadn't meant to but truthfully he wasn't overly sorry about it.

Harry leaned close and whispered several familiar spells beside Severus's ear, along with an unfamiliar conjuring spell. Severus shivered and then gasped very quietly, almost inaudibly. Harry had conjured a small, smooth object in a  _very_  specific and intimate location. Severus went rigid and his muscles clenched against the unexpected sensation of fullness. Harry whispered devilishly, "How about now?"

Severus swallowed and managed hoarsely, "You shouldn't waste your meager magic on such things, Harry."

Harry drew away and said, "Hm, I really don't consider it a waste. It was worth it merely to watch your expression."

Severus didn't know what Harry was talking about - his expression had not changed. However, Harry seemed to be able to read him better than anyone and see things in him that no one else ever did.

Severus narrowed his eyes at Harry and under his breath he repeated the exact same string of spells Harry had. Harry didn't react except to grin at him again and say, "You know, one of the reasons I was dreading today was because I knew I wouldn't see you for most of the day, but now I think it'll be fun. Do you think you'll be able to keep a stern and ill-tempered expression when you're thinking about what I'm going to do to you tonight?"

Severus was startled by Harry's words. The anticipation was so intense it almost hurt. He wondered again if he ready to be with Harry like that again. He knew he  _wanted_  to be. For gods' sake, Harry was too damn tempting for him to feel otherwise. The only thing holding him back now was fear stemming from a lack of confidence.

Harry caught his hand and held it. When Severus looked at him Harry's expression was very serious and his concern was clear, "I pushed too far, please forgive me."

Severus relaxed and replied quietly, "No, you  _never_  push me farther than I want."

He paused then attempted a playful tone, "Will you still be able to strut around your classroom while lecturing? I doubt it very much."

"Is that a challenge?" Harry demanded, with obvious delight. "You know damn well I can't resist a challenge, Severus."

Severus hid a smile, thrilled by the familiar banter and Harry's cheerful mood. After breakfast they both went their separate ways but Severus watched Harry until he was out of sight. He felt a odd pang of anxiety when Harry was actually gone. He told himself Harry would be fine.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized belatedly that the last line of Chapter 13 might be more ominous than I intended, considering my past history of blowing up characters and whatnot... I decided to go ahead and finish editing Chapter 14 before going to bed tonight. I hope you guys enjoy it! Please let me know if I missed any typos.

Severus had planned on seeing Harry over lunch but one of his idiot students sustained third degree burns by trying to move a hot cauldron with his  _bare hands_. Severus had had to escort said idiot to the infirmary. Severus was in such a foul and resentful mood by the end of lunch that the student had started crying again - and  _not_  because they were in any  _physical_  pain.

"It's not exactly an expression of confidence to have the house elves check up on me every half hour, Severus."

Severus was relieved to see Harry step through his bedroom door. Harry looked tired but not as tired as Severus had expected. Severus grudgingly admitted, "I didn't expect you to notice the house elves."

"Obviously," Harry replied, but his stern tone betrayed a hint of humor. "I also heard that you made some poor student cry over lunch. You shouldn't be mean to students just because you're sexually frustrated."

Severus frowned and deflected with a question, "How did you know that?"

"The house elves who reported my condition back to you would then report  _your_  condition back to me," Harry replied smugly.

Severus should have known. He'd had the foresight not to send Dobby but apparently  _all_  of little creatures were overly fond of Harry. He sighed and said, "I was worried about you."

"Certainly, but you were  _also_  sexually frustrated," Harry replied knowingly.

Severus refused to admit it but he didn't have to. Harry stood beside the bed and he began to strip. Severus stared, unable to look away as more and more skin was revealed. Then Harry was standing before him, naked and entirely unembarrassed. Not that the young man had anything  _at all_  to be embarrassed about.

Harry glanced down at himself in an almost curious manner then looked at Severus, tilting his head questioningly as if he thought it was possible that something might be wrong. Severus swallowed and extended his hand to Harry, "Come here?"

He didn't mean it to sound like a question but Harry smiled and crawled onto the bed with him. Severus ran a hand lightly down the length of Harry's side. Harry asked, "What's that expression for? You haven't looked at me quite like that before."

Severus shook his head, unable to put his feelings into words. Harry reached for the ties of his bathrobe and Severus hastily caught his hands. Severus said quietly, "Maybe we should wait till next weekend."

Harry's expression fell with disappointment and Severus hated himself for it - for disappointing Harry but also for denying his own desire.

"Oh, alright," Harry replied agreeably, without pausing longer than a couple seconds. "Let me go take out this toy and get dressed for bed then."

Harry stood and turned away. Severus sat up and gripped Harry's hip, stopping him. Harry looked at him over his shoulder, "Severus?"

Severus touched the small of Harry's back and ran his hand down over the curve of Harry's ass. Then he slowly removed the toy and set it aside. Harry shivered and murmured gently, "Make up your mind, love. You can't reject me and then tease me."

Severus sat up on his knees and wrapped his arms around Harry's lean, strong torso from behind. He rested his forehead between Harry's shoulder blades and whispered, "I wish I could make you understand how beautiful and wonderful you are."

"Severus…"

"I can barely bear it."

Harry tried to turn but Severus held on tighter. He couldn't say these things to Harry's face. He could hardly speak them aloud. He whispered, "Harry, you are everything I want and everything I don't deserve."

"I feel the same way about you, Severus."

The simple truth in those words shocked Severus and he didn't know what to say. Harry placed his hands over Severus's, "You know what I've realized recently? If everyone in this world got exactly what they deserved, no one would be ever be happy. We must all take happiness wherever we can find it and do whatever we can to hold onto it. You make me happy. Don't I make you happy too?"

"You know you do," Severus replied, wondering how Harry had come to be so much wiser than Severus when he was half Severus's age.

"I think that should absolve us both of guilt. Let me love you."

Severus's grip slackened. Harry turned, then bent at the waist and kissed Severus passionately. When he broke the kiss, his eyes were practically glowing, "When did you remove yours?"

It took Severus a second to realize what Harry was asking, then he smirked, "I didn't."

Harry gaped at him and then started to laugh, "You  _dirty_   _cheater!_ If that's why you took mine out, I'm going to throttle you!"

Severus was thoroughly amused too, "It is not cheating if you let me do it."

"Only because I thought the game was already over!" Harry insisted. "I thought you'd already removed yours!"

"You assumed wrongly," Severus replied offhandedly, in a way he knew would antagonize Harry to no end. "Since we did not determine what the winner would get, I think I should be able to decide."

" _What?"_  Harry scoffed. "Oh no, you're crazy if you think I'm going to let you-"

"I want to fuck you."

Harry stopped and his eyes widened a little then he grinned, "Oh! Well, in that case… How do you want me?"

Severus was still very conscious of how weak and fatigued Harry was. He had no intention of letting the young man overexert himself, not for the next few weeks at least. He replied, "Lay on your back and spread your legs."

Harry  _knew_  Severus preferred that particular position and he cast him a look that said he knew why Severus was asking for this from him. Severus didn't care if Harry suspected his true motives. He only cared that Harry did as he asked and Harry did.

"Don't perform any magic," Severus added as he took of his robe. "Do you understand?"

"Fine," Harry acquiesced reluctantly.

Harry was plenty ready for him and Severus was able to enter him immediately in a smooth, deep stroke. Harry drew him down and whispered by his ear, "You're going to do something for me now."

Severus shivered slightly at Harry's tone. He couldn't help it. Harry tugged at Severus's earlobe gently with his teeth then murmured, "Enchant that damn toy in your ass to fuck you exactly like you're fucking me right now."

Harry pressed Severus's wand into his hand and Severus obediently cast the spell.

Severus already felt as if he could cum. The combination of physical sensations mixed with the ever-present overwhelming awareness that it was  _Harry_  he was doing this with… it was  _intensely_  arousing.

Harry lay back and watched Severus. His skin was flushed and his eyes were heavily lidded. He reached down and gripped himself firmly, stroking quickly. When Harry came that was all it took to push Severus over the edge too.

When they were laying together afterwards, Harry said quietly, "I never thought I'd be able to have sex with you in this body. It's so much better than I imagined. I didn't think it would make that much of a difference, in a transfigured body, but it did. I feel like I'm finally yours completely. To finally be free of guilt feels so amazing."

Severus wished he could say such things with the ease that Harry seemed to. He thought about it for a moment then said, "I may… have been worried for nothing."

Harry smiled at him and kissed him. They lay together quietly for a few long minutes and Severus finally said, "I can also admit, I did not expect so much good to come from being blown in half."

Harry lifted his head and glared at him. Severus smiled and said, "Relax, I'm kidding."

Harry rolled his eyes and muttered, "It's too soon to make jokes about that."

He dropped his head back down onto the bed and added, "I might feel  _slightly_  better if I could just figure out who sent that damn package."

" _I'd_  feel better if I knew who leaked the story about us to the papers in the first place," Severus replied darkly, his good mood souring slightly.

He felt Harry stiffen a little beside him and Severus sat up immediately, spitting out incredulously, "You  _know_?!"

Harry held up his hands, "Don't get angry! I didn't say anything because I thought you knew already. I figured he would have talked to you before me even."

"He?" Severus snarled, "Who  _exactly_ -?"

"Albus, of course."

" _What?"_  Severus breathed.

Harry shrugged and said, "Yeah. I had to tell him who I was when I asked him for the DADA position. I made him swear an Unbreakable Oath not to reveal my identity. I should have made him swear to stay out of my business too because he was  _always_  after me to reveal myself. Anyways, he was keeping close tabs on me and I suppose that's how he figured out we were in a relationship. He thought I was doing it to hurt you and I was just so angry with him I let him think the worst of me. It's mostly my fault that he felt like had to take drastic measures in order to break us up."

Severus listened, feeling numb with disbelief.  _Albus_  had been the one to leak the story to the papers. Albus's meddling had nearly gotten Severus killed  _once again_.

Harry was still talking and Severus struggled to focus. Harry said, "I actually forgave him. I mean, he gave me the best apology I'm probably ever going to get from him and I think we actually understood each other for once. It's just… I try my best not to hold onto negative emotions when I have the opportunity to let them go, you know?"

Severus understood that. It was the best possible course of action for Harry, considering his mental illness and the fragile state of his mind. Harry continued, "I mean, he even apologized for everything he did to me as a child. I never expected him to actually  _admit_  that he intentionally placed me with the Dursleys in order to be able to manipulate me better later on."

"What?" Severus questioned. "How does that correlate?"

Harry frowned at him curiously, but he wasn't picking up on the emotions Severus was working hard to hide from him right now. Harry said, "You know, because the Dursleys were abusive. I told you about my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin… Remember? Our first date? I wasn't making that up. I always tried to be truthful with you whenever I could be."

"I remember," Severus said quietly, careful to keep his tone neutral. He recalled now the details of abuse that Harry had told him about when Severus had thought Harry was Dominic. Severus hadn't made the connections until now but the entire awful picture was finally coming together in his mind. Albus had  _known_  that the Dursleys would not care for Harry. Albus had  _known_  about the abuse that Harry had endured, for the majority of his life. Albus had done it to  _control_  Harry. Little wonder Harry had always felt so alone and hopeless, when the man who was supposed to be his mentor had betrayed him so cruelly instead of protecting him like he should have.

Harry yawned and curled up against Severus's side, "Maybe it would help if you talked to him too. He promised not to interfere in my life anymore, but I think he still owes you at least one apology, for leaking that story. I can't believe he hasn't already talked to you about that…"

Severus kept his fury coiled in a tight ball in his chest. He could see how tired Harry was and he was loathe to upset him. Harry had been tired when he'd come into the bedroom and he was exhausted now. He needed all the sleep he could possibly get while he was still recovering.

Severus stroked Harry's wild dark hair until the younger man fell asleep. There was no chance of Severus sleeping tonight - not when he was thinking about how he would get revenge on Albus Dumbledore.

He was going to leak a story of his own.


	15. Chapter 15

Severus leaned against the doorway to Harry's classroom. Harry was having a combined class with Minerva today and it had, of course, run overtime. The students were still trying to reverse all of the transfigurations that they'd done to themselves and to each other during their duels. More than some of them needed Minerva's help.

Severus had only ever seen Minerva smile so much whenever Gryffindor won the House Cup... or a Quidditch match against Slytherin. Her greying hair had started to come loose from her bun and right now she looked years younger than her age. She was positively glowing.

Harry had that affect on most people.

Severus's gaze found Harry quickly. The young man was using hand gestures and verbal instructions to help out his students but Severus was relieved to see that Harry wasn't actually using his magic.

Severus was less thrilled to see how most of the female students, and some of the males, followed Harry around like lovesick puppies. If they weren't lingering nearby then they kept casting longing glances in his direction. Harry was gorgeous, yes, but did they completely lack shame?

The answer was obviously yes.

Minerva spotted him and she was in such a good mood that she smiled at him, "Severus, could I trouble you to come help us? Things got a tad out of hand."

"I would be happy to," Severus replied politely.

Harry's admirers became slightly more subdued when they noticed Severus. Severus tried to ignore them and Harry didn't seem notice their reactions at all. He turned when he heard Severus's name and smiled the smile that was just for him. He stepped over to Severus and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Thank you."

Severus nodded, drew his wand, and immediately began fixing the remaining students. Between Minerva and him, they were able to finish up in another ten minutes.

When the students finally started to leave, Minerva approached Harry and clasped his shoulders, meeting his gaze squarely as she said, "I can't remember the last time I had so much fun during a class. The school year is nearly over, unfortunately, but we  _must_  do this again next year."

"I'd be happy to," Harry replied agreeably. "We can hash out the details this summer."

Minerva patted his shoulder and nodded once, "Excellent! You have a true gift for teaching, Harry. I'm so  _proud_  of you and I'm so happy to have you back -  _as you_."

She cast a sly and rather unexpected look at Severus, "You're a  _lucky_  man, Severus."

"I am well aware, Minerva," Severus replied dryly. Harry smiled at him and took his hand. They all walked to the Great Hall together for dinner.

Severus marveled at Harry's influence. He'd lied to everyone for almost an entire year then he'd given one short speech and no one even cared now. If anything, they loved him more than ever.

Everyone's hate of Severus had not changed much but they were all making a greater effort to hide it now, presumably for Harry's sake. The papers couldn't stop talking about Severus and Harry but they were being much nicer about it now, even to Severus. When Severus had confronted Harry about that turn of events, Harry had reluctantly admitted to him that he had called in some favors in order to fix their issues with the press. Severus suspected that Harry might have done more than 'call in a few favors'.

After dinner Harry automatically started heading back to Severus's rooms, but Severus caught his arm and turned him in the opposite direction, "When was the last time we spent the night in your rooms instead of mine?"

Harry looked reluctant and Severus narrowed his gaze, waiting for Harry to explain himself. No explanation was forthcoming but Harry eventually sighed and said finally, "Okay fine. You wouldn't think my reason is a good enough reason to stay away."

"What is this silly reason?"

"My rooms are a mess! Absolutely littered with… with fan mail," Harry cast Severus a furtive glance, looking like he regretted saying it out loud.

Severus was repulsed by the very idea and his lip curled slightly as he questioned mockingly, " _Fan mail?"_

Harry groaned, "This is what I'm talking about. You're just going to make fun of me."

"I feel entitled to," Severus replied unapologetically, with wicked amusement.

Harry looked exasperated and resigned, "There's no helping it it, I guess."

When they reached Harry's door Severus tried the knob but the door wouldn't open. He looked at Harry and attempted to hide his hurt as he questioned, "Did you…  _alter_  your warding?"

Harry shook his head as if that was ridiculous and Severus was relieved. Harry replied, "Of course not. The mail is probably just blocking the door again. I haven't been back since the day before yesterday so it's probably gotten out of hand. Here, let me."

Severus stepped aside, confused by Harry's words. Harry turned the knob and threw his shoulder against the door with sudden and startling force. The door opened just a few inches and  _letters_  began to spill out. It appeared as if the mail was stacked to the ceiling and Severus was taken aback by how much of it there was. He drew his wand and used magic to force the mail back. Harry continued to push with physical force until the door was fully open.

The mail spilled out around their feet, burying them to the waist. The entire room was indeed covered in mail up to the ceiling. If this was merely a two-day accumulation then Harry got significantly more fan mail than Lockhart  _ever_  had. Easily ten times the amount.

Harry sighed as he looked at all of it and said, "After my identity was revealed, I asked the house elves to have the mail re-routed directly to my room. It would cause quite a scene at meals otherwise and I'd never be able to find my plate. I asked the house elves to just go ahead and destroy the mail but the request upset them so I've just been doing it myself. I've found that the most magically efficient way to do it is to clear a path to the fireplace, light a fire, and start tossing handfuls in. It usually takes me about an hour… but since you're here, you could probably just banish the lot, right? I'll make it worth your while, I promise."

Harry smiled at him in the way that he did whenever he wanted to charm Severus into doing something for him. Harry still didn't realize that Severus would do  _anything_  for him and that Harry only needed to ask. Severus hadn't told Harry this though, because Severus was a Slytherin and Harry's idea of reward-based motivation for Severus was nearly always sexual. There was little harm in letting Harry believe that Severus needed convincing occasionally.

Severus gazed at the piles of mail and pretended to deliberate, "There is  _quite_  a lot of it…"

Harry caught Severus's hand in his and lifted it. He put the tip of Severus's index finger in his mouth and wrapped his lips around it suggestively, sucking gently. The look in his bright green eyes was absolutely sinful. Severus drew his wand immediately and Harry dropped his hand to grin at him, looking very self-satisfied. Severus did his best to ignore him for now and he turned his attention on the mail, "You're sure you want it all destroyed? Without looking at any of it first?"

Harry snorted, then seemed to realize Severus was serious. He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily, "Uh, no, Severus, I don't read any of it. There's not much point really. I could spend every hour of every day writing replies and I still wouldn't be able to reply to a quarter of it. You can leave the packages be - I'll have Dobby donate those later."

"You never read  _any_  of it?"

Harry shuffled on his feet and avoided Severus's gaze. Severus frowned, wondering if perhaps Harry didn't think he  _deserved_  any of it. He said carefully, "Harry, I hope you know that, while I may at times express a certain degree of exasperation with at your incredible fame… you  _do_  deserve every bit of it. You are worthy of all this praise and more."

Harry still didn't reply so Severus set about banishing the letters and shrinking the packages into smaller, more-organized piles. When Harry wasn't looking, Severus shrank some of the letters and put them into one of the pockets in his robes. He had to admit, if only to himself, that he was curious.

He finished clearing the rooms in a few minutes then said, "Perhaps it would be better if you spoke to Albus about adjusting the mail wards to reject all mail addressed to you. If you want anything sent to you, you could have it mailed to me instead."

"What do you mean about the mail wards?"

Severus paused then cast Harry a disapproving, accusatory look, "You did not read your teacher's manual."

Harry rolled his eyes, " _Of_   _course_  I didn't! It's literally nine inches thick and the text is so tiny I almost need a magnifying glass! Don't you give me that look, Severus, because you're not about to intimidate me into reading it. You might as well get that idea out of your head right now."

Severus knew a losing battle when he saw one so he tried another tactic, "At least read the chapters about security at Hogwarts then, if nothing else."

Harry scoffed, " _What_  security?"

"Hogwarts is the safest-"

"Oh don't give me that crap," Harry snapped impatiently.

Severus could see Harry was genuinely angry now so Severus dropped that thread of conversation. He could understand why this would be a touchy subject for Harry, considering all of the incidents that had happened throughout Harry's years at Hogwarts. Truth be told, that bothered Severus too. That many catastrophic incidents in such a sort span of time was previously unheard of in the long history of Hogwarts.

Severus explained, "The main purpose of the mail wards is to keep out potentially harmful packages but the restrictions can be easily edited by the Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can opt not to receive any mail. The owls would return the letters and packages to the senders instead."

Harry frowned, ignoring the issue with the fan mail and questioning instead, "Why the hell didn't the mail wards keep out the package that hurt you?"

Severus had similar concerns but he didn't want to discuss that with Harry tonight. He replied quietly, "It is possible that the restrictions were relaxed somewhat after the end of the war. There are also loopholes in  _every_  warding system. A person who knew the wards well might have been able to trick the wards into allowing a harmful package through. Similar to how the Triwizard Cup was tricked with the Cunfundus Charm in your fourth year."

Severus intentionally left out the most obvious and likely explanation. Harry reluctantly let it go and nodded his head, "Well, I guess I'll send Albus a note about it now then. It would definitely be better for the letters to be returned to the senders rather than destroyed…"

Severus sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace and lit the fire with a bit of careless wand-waving. Harry went over to his desk to write the note for Albus. Severus quietly removed Harry's letters from his pocket and enlarged them once more.

Out of the twenty-two he had, nearly all of them were positive - filled with gratitude and admiration and support. However, they weren't all positive. There were three negative letters in the sampling too and  _those_  were filled with so much hatred and blame that Severus quickly understood why Harry didn't read  _any_  of the letters.

Severus tore those three letters into tiny pieces with his hands. What was the point of sending Harry such vile sentiments? Utterly wretched and disgusting people. Severus was going to check the envelopes for return addresses and send each of them back something  _guaranteed_  to ruin  _anyone's_  day.

"Severus."

He turned and noticed Harry standing by the end of the couch, watching him with a reserved expression. Harry didn't have to ask any questions - he knew exactly what Severus had found. That made it worse somehow, because it meant that this sampling was an accurate representation of the whole.

Harry wasn't upset, just resigned. He said quietly, "Severus, you have to understand that I'm not a person to them. I'm a  _symbol_."

For some reason, Severus thought that was the saddest thing he had ever heard.

Harry came around the couch and knelt before him, offering him a small smile as he gently took the letters away from Severus and set them aside. He brushed the torn parchment from Severus's lap and daftly began to untie Severus's pants.

Severus had difficulty shifting his focus to sex when Harry's words were still ringing in his mind. It bothered him deeply and it was causing a tight knot of pain in the center of his chest. Severus whispered, "Harry, you are so much more than that."

Harry took Severus in hand and smiled up at him lovingly, "Oh, I know  _you_  believe that, Severus."

He ran his tongue over Severus teasingly and Severus temporarily stopped thinking. Later that night though, Severus had trouble sleeping. Harry's words haunted him, intruding into his mind even when he attempted to think of unrelated subjects.

' _I'm not a person to them. I'm a symbol.'_

Sometime early in the morning, Severus decided to go through with his plans. Even though he knew Harry would never have agree to it. Even though he knew Harry would likely be furious with him and maybe even hurt.

He wasn't going to ask for Harry's permission, but he would soon have to ask for Harry's forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! I will try to reply to everyone soon, if I haven't already. Does anyone have any ideas about how Severus is going to get revenge?


	16. Chapter 16

Gryffindor won the House Cup and the Great Hall was decked out in garish scarlet and gold. Minerva was beaming and trying to catch Severus's eye so she could rub it in. Severus was pointedly ignoring her and attempting to set an example for his disappointed students.

Harry took Severus's hand in his, patting it in a conciliatory manner and saying gently, "I'm sorry, love, there's always next year…"

Severus turned an unimpressed look on Harry and said, "Don't bother trying to act as if you are not pleased, Harry. I  _know_  you are."

He wasn't angry. Actually, he was privately amused. Harry smiled, reading Severus's mood correctly and immediately adopting a teasing tone, "Well, Severus, Gryffindor  _is_  a House above the rest and-"

Severus rolled his eyes heavenward in time to see a flurry of owls shoot in through the openings in the ceiling. Each and every one of them were carrying a special edition newspaper. Sudden dread constricted his chest, forcing out a uneven breath. He hadn't been  _certain_  the papers would be released tonight but he'd known it was a possibility.

Harry missed Severus's reaction. He stopped speaking mid-sentence and he was watching the owls too. Harry frowned and muttered, "I can't think of a single time they've put out a special edition because of  _good_  news. Wonder what happened?"

Severus did not reply and Harry cast him a curious look, noticing now how peculiar Severus was acting. Severus knew there was no point in pretending he didn't know what was going. Harry would figure out what had happened very soon.

An owl dropped a paper in front of Severus and Harry snatched it immediately, unfurling it with a flick. Severus watched with bated breath as Harry's expression froze on his face. He looked at Severus with wide eyes and whispered, "Severus, what did you  _do_?"

Severus glanced down at the paper. He could easily see the bold title from here:  _The Untold Story of Albus Dumbledore's Cruel and Hateful Crimes Against the Boy-Who-Saved-Us-All!_

"Severus!" Harry snapped, with a hint of anger now. " _Answer_  me!"

"You have every right to be angry with me," Severus replied quietly.

Harry made an exasperated noise and turned his attention back to Severus's copy of the Daily Prophet. His eyes flickered over the paper and his skin quickly drained of color as his eyes picked out certain details in the story. He started shaking his head then stood hastily. His chair scraped loudly over the stone floor.

Silence fell and every eye followed Harry as he strode out of the Great Hall. He ripped apart the newspaper in his hands as he walked and the scraps fluttered to the ground in his wake. The doors slammed loudly behind him and chaos erupted.

Severus stood and moved to go after Harry. His heart was beating painfully fast in his chest.

An unpleasant voice ordered sharply, "Severus! My office now!"

Severus glared at Dumbledore. He cast one last glance at the doors Harry had exited through then he followed the old man out of the Great Hall.

Harry was  _incredibly_   _angry_  with him but he  _hadn't_  seemed hurt, and that was a very important distinction. Harry  _hadn't_  shown any warning signs. Severus was concerned about Harry, certainly, but Severus did  _not_  believe he had reason to be concerned for Harry's  _safety_. He also hoped that if he gave Harry a little time to cool off, he might be more inclined to listen to Severus when he tried to explain himself.

As soon as they were within the privacy of the Headmaster's Office, Dumbledore shook the paper at him and demanded, "What is this? How could you  _do_  this to me, Severus?"

He had the audacity to look wounded and betrayed. Severus narrowed his gaze and hissed dangerously, "How could I? No, Albus, how could  _you?"_

Albus was visibly startled by Severus's tone. Severus could see that the man was rapidly attempting to reassess this situation and determine a better tactic for dealing with Severus. Severus gritted out, "I don't want to hear your empty words. I only want you to leave Hogwarts and never return. You won't leave willingly so I intend to  _make_  you. You have no business presiding over a school of vulnerable and impressionable children. Harry shouldn't have ever forgiven you. You do  _not_  deserve it."

"Severus, what is between Harry and I is a private matter," Albus said tersely. "You have no right to say whether he should or should not have forgiven me. I haven't always made the right choices but I have made endless sacrifices for the wizarding world and I don't deserve to have my good name dragged through the mud so late in my life. You may have done irreparable damage to my legacy - do you understand that, Severus?"

"Oh, I  _know_  I have," Severus replied maliciously. "You may have been previously untouchable but your fame is nothing in comparison to Harry's. You are finished now."

" _Severus, please_ -"

"Do you really think I don't know you were responsible for that package?"

Albus fell silent and suddenly, his pale blue eyes were as flat and cold as pebbles. The ever-present twinkle was gone as if it had never been. Severus had his wand in Albus's face before Albus's hand could do more than twitch at his side. Severus disarmed him immediately and smirked at him coldly, "You've grown old, Albus. Your reflexes just aren't what they once were and you  _always_  make the mistake of thinking you are the smartest and most skilled person in any room."

"You wouldn't kill me, Severus." Albus whispered harshly, without any obvious fear.

"You're right. Why would I risk going to Azkaban for the rest of my days just to end you quickly? It is very likely they will put  _you_  in Azkaban for what you've done to Harry. Those headlines aren't wrong - the things you did  _were_  criminal. Child abuse is a matter that many people take very seriously these days."

"I never laid a finger on Harry," Albus replied dismissively.

"You never helped him either," Severus gritted out. "You  _intentionally_  placed him in the care of individuals who would mistreat him. You did it to manipulate him. At the very least, you were complicit in the abuse. Moreover, you  _encouraged_  him to risk his life for your cause many times before he was even of age. You never gave him all the facts. You never allowed him to believe he had any choice in the matter. You made him a child soldier."

Albus smiled a truly unpleasant smile, " _Intent_  is such a hard thing to prove, Severus. Harry won't forgive you for sharing the sensitive details of his past and it shall all be in vain. You will lose  _everything_  for challenging me in this way."

Severus laughed roughly, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest, "Your actions have  _ensured_  that Harry will forgive me. The same actions that made him easy to manipulate also made him quick to forgive. He craves genuine affection so desperately and he values himself so little that he gives away his forgiveness for a pittance. If Harry can forgive  _you_ , Albus, then he will certainly forgive  _me_  for anything."

It was a truth that hurt to speak out loud and Severus took absolutely no pleasure in it. Severus didn't  _want_  to take advantage of Harry's weakness. He also didn't want to be similar to Albus in any way… but right now, in this one instance, he was. He could only hope that his reasons were good enough to justify his actions.

Albus's aged face twisted with disgust, "You're  _despicable_ , Severus. You do not even know what love is, if you can speak of Harry in such a way."

"Unlike you, I will endeavor to be  _worthy_  of his forgiveness," Severus replied grimly. "I will spend the rest of my life atoning, if need be."

"I did what I did to Harry for the greater good of all but you, Severus, you've  _humiliated_  him! You've made him look  _weak_  in front of the entirety of the wizarding public! To what end? Petty vengeance against me? How can you possibly hope to justify such a thing?"

Severus kept his wand carefully trained on Albus as he replied, "I did what I did in order to protect Harry from  _you_. Harry undervalues himself and his suffering, yes, but how do you think he will react when I tell him you tried to kill me in an futile effort to reassert control over him?"

Albus seemed to stop breathing and something nervous shifted across his callous expression.

Severus shook his head and scoffed derisively, "Oh, Albus, you made a  _grave_  miscalculation and you know it. You would have never taken the pains to apologize to Harry in such a way if you hadn't been worried. You told him exactly what he wanted to hear, didn't you? You admitted to everything you'd done wrong - everything that he  _knew_  about."

Albus had only admitted to doing those things because he had been aware of the fact that he had done something  _much_  worse. Something Harry would  _never_  forgive.

Harry had been willing to  _die_  to bring Severus back to life. So, what would Harry do to the man who was responsible for temporarily killing Severus? If one thing was certain, it was that Harry wouldn't pause to think about the consequences before  _murdering_  Albus.

Severus continued, "We both know Harry is fiercely protective of those he loves. I expect that I will have considerable difficulty keeping him from killing you when he finds out… and  _that_  is why I won't tell him the full extent of your crimes until you are long gone."

Albus sneered at him, "You've made things difficult for me, certainly, but I  _won't_  be leaving, Severus. It will take some time but I  _will_  undo this mess you've made."

Severus returned the sneer with one of his own, "I haven't yet published the story of what you did to me, but I fully intend to."

"You wouldn't," Albus replied immediately, dismissing the idea out of hand. He must have thought he was calling Severus's bluff, but Severus was not bluffing.

Albus read Severus's expression and he seemed incredulous, "There is no way you would ever share such personal details about your own life! You are not a man prone to displays of vulnerability. You're the  _Head of Slytherin_  for Merlin's sake. You deal with your issues  _privately_."

"I made Harry's secrets public. I think I would be unworthy of his forgiveness if I was not also willing to make my  _own_  secrets public. If what you've done to Harry isn't enough to put you away in Azkaban forever, then what you've done to me certainly will be. Child abuse is one thing, murder is another. I'm willing to do absolutely anything in order to see that, for once, you get  _exactly_  what you deserve."

Severus watched Albus's jaw clench and the wrinkles around his eyes deepen. Albus knew he was cornered and Severus felt a savage sort of glee.  _At last._

Albus suddenly threw up his hands and Severus was knocked backwards with a blast of wandless magic. He recovered immediately and retaliated. Albus was powerful, but Severus was powerful too. Albus tried to recall his wand to his hand. Severus couldn't maintain his grip on the wand but he did hit it with a blasting curse before it could reach Albus. Albus hastily threw up his hands to ward off the heat and shrapnel.

Severus was rarely given credit for his skill, but he was a highly accomplished dueler. Albus was exceptionally powerful, but he was arrogant and out of practice. With Albus's wand taken out of play, they were evenly matched. Severus ruthlessly cast spell after spell, shattering every defense Albus threw up and not allowing the man to even  _think_  of acting offensively.

He saw a flicker of panic in Albus's familiar features and he delighted when bright slashes of crimson blood appeared on Albus's body. Albus stopped and looked down at himself, shocked. Then he crumpled and Severus felt strangely… disappointed.

After everything, he'd expected more from Albus Dumbledore.

Severus bound Albus immediately then set about healing the man and removing any evidence of their duel. Albus wheezed, "Feeling…  _guilty_  for harming an old man, Severus?"

Severus dug the tip of his wand into one of Albus's wounds and Albus screamed.

"Just between you and I?" Severus whispered cloyingly, gazing down at Albus with ardent viciousness in his coal black eyes. "If I'm being perfectly honest, Albus, it feels  _so good_  to hurt you. It's almost as good as sex and I want to draw it out forever."

Albus's blue eyes were filled with dull horror and it seemed as if he was finally at a loss for words. Severus finished removing the evidence then he pointed his wand between Albus's eyes and murmured, with deceptive softness, " _Imperio_."

Albus's eyes glazed over and his expression became dumb and docile. Severus released Albus from his bindings then said quietly, "Go sit down at your desk now."

Albus rose to his feet, like a puppet on strings. He shuffled over to his desk and sat down, staring forward unseeingly and awaiting further orders. Severus kept his wand trained on Albus, just in case the man could manage to throw off the Unforgivable Curse. Harry was capable of such an impossible feat and so, it stood to reason that Albus might be capable of it as well. Severus unrolled a blank scroll and set it before Albus, then he continued, "You are going to write a confession now. You are going to admit to every crime you've ever committed in your life - chronologically  _and_  in great detail."

Albus took his quill in hand, dipped it in the ink, and began to write. Severus moved around the desk to read over his shoulder. Even Severus was shocked by the length of the list and the things Albus had done. The man's true nature was darker than even Severus knew.

Severus spent hours in this way. Albus filled four scrolls with the list of his crimes and then Severus had the man sign it in his own blood. Severus made copies with his wand and tied each set of four scrolls together. Then he summoned Dobby.

The little house elf popped into being and glanced at Severus before casting an angry look towards Albus. Severus said, "Dobby, I need your help again. It's another task that will help protect Harry."

Dobby nodded solemnly, "Yes, sir. Dobby will do anything to help Harry Potter."

"It is similar to what I asked of you before, with Harry's story and my own. This is Albus Dumbledore's story and I need you to take a set of these scrolls to all of the same news organizations as last time. Then, I also need you to deliver a set to Minister Shaklebolt and Madam Bones."

"Dobby understands, sir."

Severus smiled slightly. Dobby was a competent house elf. It was Harry who had originally opened Severus's eyes to how useful the little creatures were. Severus was reluctant to admit it, but he was fond of Dobby. He appreciated Dobby's unwavering, almost  _fanatic_  loyalty to Harry. When Severus had first explained his plans to Dobby, he had expected Dobby to agree but he had been surprised by just how  _eager_  Dobby was.

"Thank you, Dobby, you've been exceedingly helpful."

Dobby smiled at him widely as he carefully gathered the pile of scrolls into his thin arms. After he was gone, Severus turned to Albus once more and said, "After I leave this room, you will forget everything that happened here tonight. You will wait here in this office until the Aurors come to take you away and you will go with them quietly. After you are in their custody, my control over you will end and you will regain your free will."

Albus didn't move, just stared blankly straight ahead. Again, Severus felt strangely disappointed. Albus had been a thorn in his side for so many years. For so long, he'd been this larger-than-life, unstoppable force. An icon, not unlike Harry.

Yet, tonight, Albus's will had not been stronger than Severus's.

Severus hesitated and he continued to linger long after he should have left. Albus wouldn't remember any of this, but as Severus stared down at the man he hated most, he knew he wasn't quite done with him. He questioned, "Why did you try to kill me?"

He knew why, but he wanted to hear it. Albus replied tonelessly, "I could not control Harry when he was fixated on you. I needed him to reveal his identity because he was worthless without his name. I wanted him to be the next Minister of Magic. Shacklebolt has been difficult to work with. He rarely does exactly what I want and never without asking far too many questions. He does not have blind faith in me like Harry does. "

"Did you ever care about Harry for any reason other than how you could use him?"

"I don't understand the question," Albus replied dully, with the faintest expression of confusion clouding his features.

"What is Harry to you? What do you think of him?" Severus rephrased.

The confusion cleared and Albus replied, "He is a valuable asset and I need him in order to maintain my own power and influence. I think of him as queen to my king."

Albus actually smiled but it was the most repulsive expression Severus had ever seen and it turned his stomach.

Severus didn't feel angry now, only cold. This was  _not_  a truth he would ever share with Harry. Harry wouldn't be able to bear it. When Severus spoke next, he wasn't really speaking to Albus anymore.

"Do you even realize how wonderful Harry is?" Severus asked rhetorically, in a subdued tone. " _None_  of us deserve him, but he saved us all anyways. When he needed our help, no one was there for him. He was in command and he was isolated. He was given whatever he needed for war, but nothing that he needed. We ruined him and he may  _never_  recover… but he only blames himself."

"Yes," Albus replied, rather dreamily. "You understand now why he had to be raised the way he was. He might have surpassed me otherwise. I  _made sure_ he would not."

Severus changed his mind in that moment. His carefully made plans no longer seemed adequate. Albus was never going to regret anything he had done, only that he had been caught. Severus placed his hands on the desk and held Albus's gaze. He said, "Albus, I want you to forget everything I've said tonight and all previous directives."

Albus's face went perfectly blank. Severus placed his hands on the desk and leaned down, staring straight into Albus's eyes.

"When I leave, you are going to take a walk. You're going to walk up to the top of the Astronomy Tower, you're going to climb over the rail, and then you're going to jump to your death."

Albus's expression did not change and his eyes didn't focus on Severus even though Severus was standing right in front of him.

Severus did one final check to ensure nothing in the room was amiss then he went to the door. With his hand on the knob, he glanced backwards one final time.

"Goodbye, Albus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it! This will probably be another controversial chapter... I tried to drop some hints about what was going to happen and some of you guessed correctly. 
> 
> Don't worry, Harry and Severus will be fine. Remember how Harry spoke about the Dursleys on his first date with Severus? Years have passed since he's even seen the Dursleys. His childhood not an open wound and it is not even especially embarrassing for him. He doesn't talk about it to avoid making other people uncomfortable. Harry accepts his past for what it is. Right now he's more shocked and angry than anything. He just doesn't understand what is going on.
> 
> Part of Severus's plan is to make Harry more relatable to the public - less of a symbol and more human. Mostly though, the publishing of Harry and Severus's stories is supposed to lend a certain credibility to Albus's confession. If Albus is supposedly consumed by guilt and shame in the face of all this public attention, then that is a plausible reason for him to suddenly confess to all of his crimes. If only the confession was sent in, Albus would have an easier time discrediting it. (This is the short explanation.)
> 
> Seems like those plans have gone down the drain now though...


	17. Chapter 17

Severus opened the door and froze.

Minerva was standing directly in front of the doorway, waiting. Her wand was in hand and her expression was set in a grim, furious expression. She was quickly smacking her wand against the palm of her weak hand in a gesture that betrayed her impatience and agitation. She went still when she saw Severus but she didn't seem  _surprised_  to see him.

She immediately leaned to the side to look behind him and Severus had to resist the impulse to block her view - that action would only serve to arouse her suspicion. Her keen gaze flicked from him to Albus and back, several times over, as she assessed the situation.

Severus watched her carefully, wondering if he was going to have to duel Minerva as well. He thought she seemed somewhat confused by what she saw but then her expression hardened once more and she demanded, "What is going on here?"

Severus wasn't sure at first who she was talking to, until her eyes fixed on him and held his gaze steadily. Severus hesitated only a fraction of a second before replying in a perfectly calm and soothing tone, "Albus and I have just had a  _very_  long discussion and we have managed to reach a peaceful resolution, Minerva."

He lowered his voice and added, "There is no need for concern, but I think we should both leave Albus alone for now. He is rather…  _beside himself_  at the moment."

"Do you take me for a fool, Severus?" Minerva asked harshly and with great exasperation. "Do you really expect me to believe  _you_  are fine with what Albus has done to Harry? That he's what,  _apologized_  and now everything is suddenly right as rain?"

Severus paused then said quietly, "I have taken care of it, Minerva. Albus has written a confession detailing his crimes. Copies have been submitted to the proper authorities and to the press. He is quite consumed with guilt so perhaps we could speak of this  _elsewhere_ -"

Severus tried to close the door but Minerva's hand shot out and stopped him, "That must be why he has that vacant expression on his face and he's not speaking for himself, hm?"

He gritted his teeth and said, "I do not want to fight with you, Minerva, but I will if I must."

She frowned and cast him a strange look, "What in the world are you talking about? Surely you cannot imagine I'd take his side? Knowing now what he's done? Severus, that man  _hurt_  one of my cubs."

Severus blinked at her, taken aback. He hadn't been expecting that, but perhaps he  _should_  have. She waved her wand carelessly and added, "Now, naturally, I assumed  _you_  were first in line to dole out vengeance on Harry's behalf. As per tradition, it  _is_  your right, as Harry's lover. I was attempting to be respectful of that right and I certainly did not want to ruin whatever grand  _Slytherin_  plan you have either… but I must say, it was quite a test of my patience to stand out here waiting  _all this time."_

She pushed past him now and entered the office, glaring contemptuously at Albus. She turned to Severus, narrowed her eyes, and questioned, "What  _is_  your plan?"

"I've  _taken care of it_ , Minerva," Severus repeated stiltedly.

"Mmhm, so you're going to let him  _live?"_ Her eyes were thin slits now and her lips were pursed. She was tapping her wand against her palm again and a few bright sparks jumped from the tip.

Severus paused then reluctantly admitted, "Not exactly."

"I knew it!" She stabbed her wand in his direction. "Child, you are  _much_  too smart for this. If Albus dies, he'll never pay for his crimes and his death might be traced back to you. Do you want to go to Azkaban?  _Do_  you?"

"You haven't heard what he's  _said_ , Minerva!" Severus protested. He noted the peevish edge to his tone, stopped himself, then added coolly, "I wish you would not persist in calling me a child. This is not the first time I have had to ask you not to."

Minerva chose to ignore the second statement entirely and instead she said, "I do not care to hear  _anything_  he has to say  _ever_  again. It is clear that his words are worth less than dirt. He lied to me for years and if he was still in his right mind, he would  _still_  be lying. I think he deserves the worst possible fate imaginable, but that is not death, Severus."

"He is never going to regret anything!" Severus spat, with profound disgust. "He still believes his actions were  _justifiable_. He doesn't care about Harry and maybe not anyone else either. Minerva, the man is a bloody psychopath! Read this!"

Severus drew a set of scrolls from his pocket and thrust them at her. She didn't take them but she did eye them speculatively and ask, "What are those?"

"His confession. Every crime he has  _ever_  committed."

She shook her head, "Severus, you don't  _need_  to convince me. For me, what Albus has done to Harry is proof enough of his true character. For that alone, I'd be quite happy to see him dead."

"Then  _let it happen!_  All I need to do is walk out of his room and close the door.  _He_  will take care of the rest."

She shook her head again, "Severus, I  _understand_  why you are so upset - I'm upset as well. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't want to talk to Albus or read those scrolls right now because... Well, because I fear if I became any more upset than I already am, I might be inclined to cast my better judgment to the wind, like you."

Severus resented the implication that he was not being rational right now. Minerva placed her hand on his arm and waited until he met her gaze before continuing, "Severus, you know Harry best, but surely you don't think he would want this?"

It was a genuine question, Severus realized. It seemed to Severus that, if Minerva believed that  _Harry_  wanted Albus dead, she was prepared to let it happen.

He considered lying to her. It would be all too easy, after all. However, the perfect trust in her steady gaze undid him. She trusted him absolutely and he found that he couldn't bring himself to lie. The longer they talked, the more difficult it was to hold onto the blind rage that had motivated this change in his plans.

The Gryffindors in his life were making him weak.

Severus looked away and replied quietly, "Probably not, but he might, if he knew that Albus tried to kill me. With the package that was mailed to me."

Minerva squeezed his arm and when Severus looked up she seemed stricken and a little too pale. She closed her eyes tightly and whispered, "Oh Severus, I am so very sorry. If I'd been looking for it, maybe I could have prevented all of this ugliness. I had such great faith in him. I didn't think he was  _capable_  of such things."

Severus frowned at her, "Minerva, I do not blame  _you_."

When she opened her eyes, Severus was slightly horrified to see that she looked as if she was trying not to cry. He had  _never_  seen the fierce Head of Gryffindor cry and he didn't want to.

"I watched the Dursley family for a full day before Harry was given to them," Minerva said. "I  _knew_  they were terrible people, but Albus said it was for the best if Harry grew up with the last of his blood relations, away from Wizarding society… I always believed he  _did_  know best, Severus."

Severus cast a dark look at Albus, who was still staring off blankly into thin air. It was somewhat awkward to be having this conversation right beside the man.

"He fooled nearly everyone, Minerva. I did not know the full extent of what he was capable of until Harry told me about his childhood. You could not have imagined how the muggles would actually treat Harry. He  _i_ _s_  their own blood, after all."

He conjured a handkerchief and offered it to Minerva. She released his arm and took the handkerchief. She dabbed the cloth at her eyes then cleared her throat and sorted out her expression, "Thank you, Severus. Coming from you, those words do not sound like empty platitudes. You are not the sort to let  _anyone_  go unpunished."

She smiled at that but her lips wavered, ever so slightly, and betrayed her mood.

Severus sighed. He knew what he needed to do but he did not want to do it. He turned to Albus and said, "Albus, I retract my previous directives."  _Again._

"You will  _not_  kill yourself by jumping off the Astronomy tower. After Minerva and I leave, you will forget everything that happened tonight in this office. You will wait here until the Aurors come for you and you will go with them willingly. Once you are in their custody, you will regain your free will."

Minerva raised her eyebrows but, mercifully, she did not comment. Instead, she said, "Thank you, Severus."

"I should thank  _you_ ," Severus countered. "It would have been a mistake to kill him and I should not have diverged from my plans. I am grateful you stopped me."

"Yes, well, what are friends for?" Minerva replied, with a hint of dry humor.

Severus supposed there  _was_  some humor to be found in the situation. Most friends did not have to stop their friends from killing other people. He was somewhat startled though, that Minerva actually considered him a friend. The knowledge was unexpected and it warmed him.

Minerva added, "I think you should go ahead and remove that curse. It would be better if he was not under it's influence when the Aurors arrive. It is an unnecessary risk for you. I'll bind him, silence him, and then keep watch. I assure you, Severus, I will  _not_  let him get away. I would sooner die."

Minerva helped Severus edit Albus's memory, to avoid any blank spots and inconsistencies.

She murmured to him, "You know, Severus, issues of legality and morality aside, I must admit that I am quite impressed you were able to successfully use  _that_  curse on Albus... It is also rather remarkable that you have kept him under the thrall of the curse for as long as you have. Albus is a powerful Occlumens."

"I wish I could boast, but I think it is more of a testament to his complacency than my skill, Minerva." Severus admitted reluctantly. "Also, the critical moment determining the successfulness of that particular curse is the instant after the casting. In that instant, my will happened to be significantly stronger than his. Maintaining the spell after that is significantly easier, because the victim does not have the presence of mind to try to fight it. It is an impossible feat... for most."

The active practice of Occlumency could theoretically increase an Occlumens's ability to defend against the Imperious Curse, but ultimately, it always came down to a contest of will. Once the Imperious Curse successfully took hold, Occlumency was useless. Occlumency was dependent on mental acuity and so, it was was disabled by the Imperious Curse. The nature of the curse left the victim's mind in a highly malleable state.

Severus had heard of victims breaking free of the curse after an extended time or when ordered to do harm to people they loved, but he'd never witnessed it.

Minerva cast him a wry look, "You know much more about the practical application of such curses than I do, I'm afraid. I've never been brave enough to cast them myself, even during the war."

Severus avoided her gaze now as he replied, "No one could ever say that you lack bravery, Minerva. It is wise to avoid the dark arts, if you are able to. The price for such power is usually more than most are willing to pay."

When Albus's free will was restored, he wasn't even surprised to see Minerva - he thought she'd  _always_  been there. He thought that Minerva and Severus had confronted him  _together_. Albus might eventually become suspicious of his false memories, but it would be exceedingly difficult for him to puzzle out the truth without access to a pensieve.

It was not likely that Albus would ever have access to a pensieve again.

As Severus walked to Harry's rooms, he struggled with a sense of dissociation. What had happened in the Headmaster's office felt something like a dream, now that it was over.

Severus had been somewhat worried about leaving Minerva with Albus, but she had been insulted when he had made the mistake of mentioning his concerns. She assured him she was  _more_  than capable and she had insisted that Severus go see to Harry.

He knew he did not have a logical reason for being worried. When he tried to pinpoint the source of the nagging feeling, he realized it had nothing to do with Minerva at all. Severus was simply not a man who was used to having  _friends_  to rely upon.

He tried to open Harry's door but he didn't expect to be allowed access. He assumed Harry would have altered his wards already. So, he was pleasantly surprised and also somewhat wary when the door opened for him.

Harry was laying on the couch by his fireplace, glaring up at the ceiling. He didn't react when Severus came in, except for a barely discernible tightening of his jaw. Severus knew Harry was still angry, but he was relieved to see that Harry was not only unharmed but also calm.

Severus closed the door behind him and walked over to Harry, bracing himself for the fight to come. Harry didn't look at him, even when Severus was standing right beside him. Severus murmured hesitantly, "Are you set on ignoring me then?"

"Where were you all this time?" Harry inquired flatly.

Severus knelt beside the couch and replied gently, "I am sorry, Harry, I wanted to come after you immediately but I needed to deal with Albus first."

Harry's already narrowed eyes narrowed even more, blazing with repressed fury.

"Yeah, I figured that. What  _exactly_  did you do?"

"I made him write a confession," Severus replied simply, attempting a neutral tone. "He's waiting for the Aurors now, with Minerva."

Harry snorted, " _Minerva_  helped you?"

"She loves you, Harry, and she was distraught to learn what happened to you. She blames herself."

Some unidentifiable emotion flashed in Harry's eyes, like a shadow, but he didn't say anything. Severus tried to take Harry's hand but Harry snatched his hand away from Severus quickly and muttered, "Don't touch me right now."

Severus flinched then nodded his understanding. He paused a moment to compose himself then he pleaded softly, "Harry, please, at least look at me."

Harry continued to glare at the ceiling, "I'm too angry at you to look at you."

Severus sighed and sat down fully on the ground, "That... is fair."

A long silence passed as Severus tried to gather his words. Finally, he said, "Harry, I did it to protect you."

Harry scoffed, "No, you did it to get  _revenge_. You used my past to ruin Albus's reputation. You knew I wouldn't have wanted it, so you didn't ask me."

Severus bowed his head in shame and fell silent once more. There was no sound but the crackling for the fire in the hearth.

"Are you not even going to deny it?" Harry demanded incredulously, with rising anger.

Severus shook his head and replied, "You are right about what I did, but there was more to it than revenge, Harry. Albus was a threat to you and a threat to me."

Harry finally sat up and looked down at Severus, "How is he a threat to  _you?"_

Severus lifted his head and a faint smile touched his lips, "I knew  _that_  would get your attention. Of course you'd be more curious about that than anything else..."

Harry scowled at him, "Just answer me."

Severus drew in a steadying breath then said, "No."

Something in Harry snapped. He leapt to his feet and shouted harshly,  _"Severus!"_

Harry looked to be on the verge of tearing his hair out with frustration. Severus had never seen Harry so angry. Not even during the war. Now that he thought about it, he could not even recall the last time Harry had been  _genuinely_   _angry_  with him. Harry's school years maybe?

"I  _will_  tell you," Severus clarified hastily, "just not yet. I need to wait until after Albus is taken away."

Harry's hands curled into fists then he abruptly turned and went to the fireplace, gripping the mantel tightly. He hissed, " _Fine._ Keep your secrets. You value them much more highly than my own."

"Harry, that is not true!" Severus insisted immediately.

"You'd  _never_  share your past as you did mine!" Harry gritted out bitterly. His posture was as rigid and unyielding as his expression.

"You are wrong. I have already sent my story to the papers." This at least, Severus  _could_  say. He felt sick at the mere thought of tomorrow's papers, but he was glad he had already done it, if only because it would pacify Harry in some measure.

Harry cast a skeptical look at Severus over his shoulder, "You did  _what?"_

"You do not have to believe me," Severus replied. "I'm sure it will be in the papers tomorrow morning… and there should be another special edition tomorrow night, with Albus's confession."

These words seemed to shock Harry out of his ill temper. He turned around and asked, "Severus, what  _the hell_ is going on?"

"I will tell you in the morning after-"

"No," Harry replied sternly. "If you want me to forgive you, you will tell me right now."

Severus avoided Harry's intense gaze. He saw Harry move and then Harry's fingers were carding through Severus's hair, twisting and then pulling gently - but  _insistently_. Severus was forced to look up at Harry and secretly, the action thrilled him. Harry's handsome features were cast in stark contrast by light and shadow.

Harry seemed to interpret Severus's expression correctly, because a rather smug little smirk turned one corner of his lips. Harry murmured coaxingly, "You've made me very angry but I think you must have had a very good reason for it, didn't you? It would please me if you told me..."

Severus swallowed once and then again. Harry was still only at half his usual strength. Surely between Severus and Minerva, they could keep Harry from any…  _rash_  actions? Perhaps he was being overly cautious.

"Severus," Harry purred, with a hint of unmistakable warning in his tone now. "You are  _thinking_  too much."

Severus lost the battle. Harry was undeniable.

"The mail wards did not stop the package because Albus was the one who sent it. The article about our relationship was only meant to divert suspicion. To Albus, you were less useful without your name. He thought if he got rid of me then you would cease your deception and he would be able to manipulate you into becoming the Minister of Magic."

The words had been said and it was too late to change his mind now. He watched a dozen micro expressions dart across Harry's face, too quick to interpret. Then Harry drew away from him and walked over to the door. It wasn't until he opened the door that Severus realized Harry actually intended to leave, without even saying a word.

Severus lurched to his feet and raced after him. He tried to open the door but it resisted him. Severus cursed himself for his stupidity and blasted the door open. He caught up to Harry in the next hall over. He grabbed Harry's arm, spun him around, and pinned him against the wall. Harry gritted out furiously, "Let. Go."

"Harry, I am  _not_  going to let you kill Albus and you are not strong enough to stop me. I will stun you if I have to but I would much rather talk to you."

"I'm not really in a  _talking_  mood anymore," Harry said harshly. His emerald eyes were burning much too bright and he appeared slightly…  _crazed_.

"Just listen then," Severus replied, speaking quickly as he physically struggled to keep Harry pinned. "I have already taken care of it, Harry. My story and yours, followed by his confession… it will be impossible, even for him, to recover from this. I promise you. His reputation will be in shambles by tomorrow evening. He will be arrested, he will have a trial, and he will spend the rest of his days in Azkaban. I understand why you're angry but please believe that this is the punishment he deserves. You don't need to do anything and you don't need to see him ever again. We will both be free of him very soon."

Harry shook his head in denial but he sagged and stopped trying to push Severus away. He whispered wetly, "I was a fool to forgive him, wasn't I?"

Severus could tell how fragile Harry was right now and it hurt his heart. Harry's anger had been hiding a raw wound. Severus cupped Harry's face gently in his hands and pressed a soft kiss to Harry's lips.

"There is  _nothing_  shameful about wanting to believe that a person is better than they are. You are merely too good for the world you live in, Harry."


End file.
